The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

Thugs Life (N.E.W)

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

Thugs Life (N.E.W)

Postby Slim Zaddy » Feb 28th, '09, 10:30

feedback is much appreciated before i record it cuz it's gonna be on my album. so i want honest feed :y: ..

View life through my eyes, grey skies and drive byes
Another thug dies, whilst hearing political lies, my dog rydes
Rags and tags, dreads and feds bodies lying all-dead
No mourning instead, as my ink bled, police custody lead
Me into court, to accuse that I fought, with the deceased
Weapons greased, the feds ceased, my collar and beat
Me down to my feet, just life on the street, the boot meets
My face, the sole encases in my brace, they undo my lace
Fit it around my neck, bring out a teck, and insert a fresh deck
Smack! The butt hits my head and the floors my bed; I shed
Blood, my wounds bled, I sled down to the ground, instead
Of lifting me, they ecstatically watched me writhing painfully
Then left, but I was deft, skilfully I tread and stood on my bed
Sew through the wood, I blew away the dust, the gap grew
Enough to let me through, eternal freedom due, I slipped
The alarms blipped, gunshots flew, grazing and paining due
To slugs flying to and fro, I stand up to show, see the hazy glow
Drowning memories, old shady trees, hustling down on the streets
My parents at home, my dome spins, my legs like stones
Crumble and fall, I was never humble at all, yet I try and stall
Time, by praying to God, a light shines, I hear hymns and chimes
“Come to me”, tomorrows paper’ll report a fatality, calamity?
See, it’s the end of my destiny, see life through another eyes
Lord has called, more deeds, yet I’m appalled at the sins
I committed through life, strife given; yet I tried to strive

Now I see the world from above, where doves fly
Silver clouds, white gloves, I’m happy, ask why
This is a place, where there’s no inequality, no difference
No opinions, political polls; only holy benevolence
No me no you, there’s only us and we
The true family, the holy trinity……

:smoking: :smoking:
Image
z_em = Slim Zaddy = Zaid AQ which is my real name
User avatar
Slim Zaddy
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3764
Joined: Aug 21st, '08, 19:42
Location: never mind
Gender: Male

Re: Thugs Life (N.E.W)

Postby Slim Zaddy » Feb 28th, '09, 10:52

Coleon wrote:I liked it all pretty well, nothing bad to point out that i noticed :y: and the ending part was the best man, the best l liked it alot, story got a bit blurry to me but i figured it out easily :happy: so what's your album goin to be called?


wow that's great that you did'nt notice a mistake .. glad you liked it pal .. well for the album name honestly i did'nt give it much thought , i'm still confused about the name ,, and da album it's still un-finished , i'm still picking tracks .. but this one gonna be there ,, but i could'nt find a good beat for it .. so what do you think about the beat ,, do you got any suggestions .. cuz i take opinions alot .
Image
z_em = Slim Zaddy = Zaid AQ which is my real name
User avatar
Slim Zaddy
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3764
Joined: Aug 21st, '08, 19:42
Location: never mind
Gender: Male

Re: Thugs Life (N.E.W)

Postby Slim Zaddy » Feb 28th, '09, 10:56

Coleon wrote:hmmmmmm idk about beat, audio nube here, you want something kinda dark I'm guessing?


that's what i'm thinking off .. i will see what i will got .. then i will give you the link . to tell me if it's fit or not .
Image
z_em = Slim Zaddy = Zaid AQ which is my real name
User avatar
Slim Zaddy
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3764
Joined: Aug 21st, '08, 19:42
Location: never mind
Gender: Male

Re: Thugs Life (N.E.W)

Postby Slim Zaddy » Feb 28th, '09, 11:05

Coleon wrote:sounds good to me, I'll think of something


thanks indeed :worship:
Image
z_em = Slim Zaddy = Zaid AQ which is my real name
User avatar
Slim Zaddy
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3764
Joined: Aug 21st, '08, 19:42
Location: never mind
Gender: Male

Re: Thugs Life (N.E.W)

Postby gutawafang » Feb 28th, '09, 15:03

Flow's there. Structure's there. Concept there. Everything's there.

I suggest you record it over a beat like Many Men by Fifty Cent. :happy:
ADD ME ON PS4: gutawafang
Currently playing: Destiny
Image
TR Rap Battle Record: 23-8
User avatar
gutawafang
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9474
Joined: Dec 13th, '07, 08:01
Location: Lion City
Gender: Male

Re: Thugs Life (N.E.W)

Postby Solace » Feb 28th, '09, 18:27

Yeah dude that was good, I cant really improve upon it. Sorry I havent fed you recently, I've gotten lazy and only feed small amount of people now...I liked it, glad to hear your making an album. Its the 2nd step into becoming a rapper, you know? And I'll def. check it out when its out.
Image
User avatar
Solace
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19901
Joined: Apr 25th, '08, 03:12
Gender: Male

Re: Thugs Life (N.E.W)

Postby Slim Zaddy » Mar 1st, '09, 08:26

Epiphany wrote:Yeah dude that was good, I cant really improve upon it. Sorry I havent fed you recently, I've gotten lazy and only feed small amount of people now...I liked it, glad to hear your making an album. Its the 2nd step into becoming a rapper, you know? And I'll def. check it out when its out.


it's okay epiphany , despite i always take your feed in mind, :) ,, glad you liked it .. , and ya i'm preparing myself for producing records , and this one gonna be there , so thanks for checkin it out .. :y:
Image
z_em = Slim Zaddy = Zaid AQ which is my real name
User avatar
Slim Zaddy
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3764
Joined: Aug 21st, '08, 19:42
Location: never mind
Gender: Male

Re: Thugs Life (N.E.W)

Postby Slim Zaddy » Mar 2nd, '09, 14:24

bump
Image
z_em = Slim Zaddy = Zaid AQ which is my real name
User avatar
Slim Zaddy
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3764
Joined: Aug 21st, '08, 19:42
Location: never mind
Gender: Male

Re: Thugs Life (N.E.W)

Postby rahul.never2far » Mar 2nd, '09, 16:09

I can't give you an expert feed but I liked it... in my opinion you should record it :y:
[RS]20,067MB of EMINEM/D12 Stuff ║»»»Updated(09.Mar)«««║ in Download Central Image Jump To The Thread

Image
^^^ Everything Is TRShady ^^^

For rare and high quality Eminem downloads visit my blog
http://eminembasement.co.nr
User avatar
rahul.never2far
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 1385
Joined: Nov 2nd, '06, 16:32
Location: India
Gender: Male

Re: Thugs Life (N.E.W)

Postby Slim Zaddy » Mar 4th, '09, 15:28

rahul.never2far wrote:I can't give you an expert feed but I liked it... in my opinion you should record it :y:


thanks man ,, i will :y:
Image
z_em = Slim Zaddy = Zaid AQ which is my real name
User avatar
Slim Zaddy
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3764
Joined: Aug 21st, '08, 19:42
Location: never mind
Gender: Male

Re: Thugs Life (N.E.W)

Postby <Stiiccy> » Mar 4th, '09, 15:30

The flow was some-what hard to follow man...

umm you need to make your bars longer because it seemed like they were only like 4 words long...I don't know if that was just the beat you were writing to or what but try to fix that...

The content was more played out than Paris Hilton's pussy hole...Bring another topic to the table man
Sticcy Z
Prison in Febuary, i don't give no fuckkssss
Image
Saten is here
User avatar
<Stiiccy>
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3386
Joined: Dec 28th, '07, 14:48
Location: United States bitch
Gender: Male

Re: Thugs Life (N.E.W)

Postby Slim Zaddy » Mar 5th, '09, 09:22

<Stiiccy> wrote:The flow was some-what hard to follow man...

umm you need to make your bars longer because it seemed like they were only like 4 words long...I don't know if that was just the beat you were writing to or what but try to fix that...

The content was more played out than Paris Hilton's pussy hole...Bring another topic to the table man


well it flowd very well for me man , nd actually this was written not on a beat , i will pick up the beat later , and i will try to make it longer , ya you right on this , and thanks stiiccy for checkin it out anyway :worship:
Image
z_em = Slim Zaddy = Zaid AQ which is my real name
User avatar
Slim Zaddy
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3764
Joined: Aug 21st, '08, 19:42
Location: never mind
Gender: Male


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users