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Preest - Unfinished Verse

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Preest - Unfinished Verse

Postby preest » Jun 5th, '09, 17:11

Hey I was just writing a quick verse but I gotta go out now so it's unfinished just thought I would put it up to see what you all thought so far!!

Damn it now it's raining, I should have been named Damien
The son of Satan waiting to prey on the young and take em'
To a place my fucking brain, break em' and sleigh em'
Show em' the way and make em' take in every word that I'm sayin'
guess I'm a genius, creating this mystique, are you feeling this?
it's seeming that things are getting heated, shit it's so tedious
I dream of this scene, I picture it, wheezing and blinking
Think of demons in my sleep, and now this ego is shrinking
My ears are steaming, I fill the beaker with sick, and beleive it
Runneth over the brim, I gather the Vick's cos' I need it
This affixiation is seithing, the imagination is leaving
My brain, I'm creeping up the passageway, I hear screaming
Tap on the door with the axe, can hear the talking of bats
It's time for slaughter, relax kidnap your daughter, she's snatched
who would have thought I'd have snapped man I'm so morbid in fact
"Here's Colin" Stanley Kubrick got fucking rewarded for that!
Scatter brains and body parts, Picasso - they call it art
Your appauled I got a bag of tools, with me to maul your heart
let me walk back to the van in Upbury Manor School car park
and grab the bag up out the back to have your jaws pulled apart
mmm... the scalpel or sissors? to make a mouthful of visciously
pulled out teeth, but it isnt shit to the amount of insitions
that I've made with a razor blade, grin as I'm pissing
sitting in prison, I'm thinking of how to kill the next victim

any feedback is welcome :y: :y:
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Re: Preest - Unfinished Verse

Postby preest » Jun 6th, '09, 14:38

anybody?
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Re: Preest - Unfinished Verse

Postby Ice_Scarred » Jun 7th, '09, 04:52

I got kind of lost conceptually. Rhyming was decent and overall it wasn't bad. Some pretty hot bars in the joint, like the Damien one. It was good until it got close to the middle. Just keep practicing with it cuzz. I thought this was pretty good actually. Anyway, keep up a concept, keep it interesting, and keep dropping new bars! The more practice and feedback the better. :y:
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Re: Preest - Unfinished Verse

Postby preest » Jun 7th, '09, 17:48

thanks man, I kinda wanted to go crazy with the concept so you dont really know whats gonna be said next! I wrote it to a beat and it flows well to that, the verse only took me about 15 mins so it needs a bit of touching up :y: :y:
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Re: Preest - Unfinished Verse

Postby preest » Jun 12th, '09, 18:18

bump :y:
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Re: Preest - Unfinished Verse

Postby Ice_Scarred » Jun 13th, '09, 06:54

I'll help you there.

*BUMP*
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