First post.. help with a "love poem"

[Evol]

First off, I am a terrrrrrrible writer.. I've never been good.. never will be

Now that that is out of the way.. onto the next part.. I kinda messed up a bit.. no big deal .. ive been seeing this girl for 7 months now.. the whole 9 yards.. made her upset.. decided what better to do then write a love poem? .. well, I suck at it. So if someone wouldn't mind maybe editing some stuff, adding on, or flat out telling me it sucks and to start over.. thats fine too..
-----------------------------

With one simple kiss of yours, I am taken away
To a place existing only of immaculate rays
With one simple kiss, time begins to freeze
All clocks stop ticking, leaving us at ease
With one simple kiss, love unites
entering my own personal twilight
Without you life's an endless journey of despair
of this I am very aware
The meaning of life is in question to me,
but I know you bring meaning to mine
In you I found what every man is seeking to find
--------------------------

... and thats where I draw a blank.. :\ any suggestions/comments/criticisim.. or if you flat out wanna make fun of me.. go for it.

[Fa-Q]

1. NEVER SAY YOU ARENT GOOD...if you dont no one will...and if you dont think you are then whats the point of doing it
2. If you are drawing a blank it doesnt mean it has to be longer...imean 11 lines isnt bad at all...and if you cant think of anything take a break and just chill and try to express how you feel for her as time passes
3.(of this I am very aware) this is the only line i didnt like, just kind of simple you know. Just use different synonyms (sp?) to spazz it up and it supersizes the magnitude of how you feel
----->>I hope this helps man good luck with Mrs. Evol

[Robbie G]

Are you planning on giving this to her? If so, I think it's fine. Unless shes a professional writer the thought itself will be enough.

[gutawafang]

I think it's quite good. Don't look down on your own poetry man. Give it to her.

[Fa-Q]

i dno, i just don't think 'immaculate rays' sounds romantic .. ?

extremeties are though...and thats definately extreme