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Untitled ATM...

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Untitled ATM...

Postby JPearson » Jul 28th, '09, 06:49

It does flow perfect even though the structure is way off...

I'm still in love with you
I just wanted you to know that
If i could have one wish my only wish would be we'd go back
Go back to a time when you were mine and we were fine
And going along straight, nothing could knock us out of line
But times change quick
Things have flipped to opposite
The string our love was hanging onto now has goten knots in it
On top of this
The string has snapped and broke off in two
'n it feels like half the string is round my neck, choking 'til I'm blue
Dunno what to do
These thoughts and memories are lethal tools
They're stopping my heart from beating, choking 'til I can't breathe at all
My walls are closing in so quick and I can see the walls
Now I could either try to break 'em down or I could either fall
But part of me don't wanna loose the thoughts and feeling that I have for you
'n do the things to help me move on, all the things I'd have to do
'cause I still love you, always will, I really want you back it's true
I know we're done, don't wanna accept it, even though the fact's we're through

like i said i know the structure is way off but it does flow perfectly... feed please cheers people :y:
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Re: Untitled ATM...

Postby gutawafang » Jul 28th, '09, 06:51

It's simple and direct to me man.

this was good:Now I could either try to break 'em down or I could either fall

I could flow to it man. :y: :y: :y:
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Re: Untitled ATM...

Postby Emadyville » Jul 28th, '09, 06:54

Goddamn :worship:

I know I prolly didnt get the flow exactly but those rhymes were nice, and for a song like this, the words you used to describe shit was really well put man this was really good man I'm very impressed :y:
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Re: Untitled ATM...

Postby JPearson » Jul 28th, '09, 06:55

cheers man means alot, especially on this type of verse man appreciate it :y:
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Re: Untitled ATM...

Postby TRshady » Jul 28th, '09, 09:03

Flows real nice and I'm liking it, guess we can all relate to whats being said.
Stiffen up that lip little soldier, what you cryin' bout, you got me :flower:
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Re: Untitled ATM...

Postby JPearson » Jul 28th, '09, 09:31

TRshady wrote:Flows real nice and I'm liking it, guess we can all relate to whats being said.
Stiffen up that lip little soldier, what you cryin' bout, you got me :flower:


lol thanks for ur support... yer i like to make things relatable to everyone so anyone can vent through my lyrics, appreciate the comments on it to man cheers :y:
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Re: Untitled ATM...

Postby ritchieA » Jul 29th, '09, 23:36

this is gd jamie does this mean u ent gunbna do love verses wen u back with emma
:flower:
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Re: Untitled ATM...

Postby mcZu » Jul 30th, '09, 01:48

Like you said, the strucure is horrible. But it does flow smoothly, so no problem at all. Maybe you could use some different words, phrase things more interresting.. you know, to get that readers/listeners attention. But besides that, it's a good verse.
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Re: Untitled ATM...

Postby JPearson » Jul 30th, '09, 09:59

what would you phrase differently? n cheers for the feed man :y:
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Re: Untitled ATM...

Postby Drama Setter » Jul 30th, '09, 10:00

another Nice Drop , From you .

That's good homie . thx for sharing :y:
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Re: Untitled ATM...

Postby JPearson » Jul 30th, '09, 10:02

thanx man appreciate it :y:
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