Hole In My Life

[daddycoco23]

[Chorus] I just feel like there one big hole in my life, cause my kids dont talk to me, my ma dont wanna see me, my girl just broke up with me, one big hole in my life

[Verse] My life is like a sand pit you walk in and you sink, everything ticks you off and fall deeper in the pit, its up to your neck, you want some respect but you dont got a pot to piss in, listen up, this is my life my story, no my life aint got no glory, but i work every day to feed my kids who dont even talk to me, i pray to jesus every day to just friggin take me away from this damn world, which i just hate, this damn money is like bait, i go after it and i cant catch it, trying to prove myself but i cant rap it, no i do freestyles and shit but i just cant rap it.

[Chorus] I just feel like there one big hole in my life, cause my kids dont talk to me, my ma dont wanna see me, my girl just broke up with me, one big hole in my life

Saw your stuff FA-Q, but since its a draft ima just type

[Verse 2] My girl broke up with me, what cause i left the toilet seat up, what cause i spanked my kids when they werent doing good, what its not like I smacked them with wood, we coulda had a nice life together, but apparently the weather in our heads, was fogging up our brains, we dont know the difference between right or wrong, no this aint a song im rapping, rap im rapping, and mapping out my plan to sucess, to suceed in this crazy world in which i live in, i eat food out a tin can, when i was little my mom used to spanked me with a pan, all these people be getting tans, but while they be getting tans i be getting bruises on my ass

[Chorus] I just feel like there one big hole in my life, cause my kids dont talk to me, my ma dont wanna see me, my girl just broke up with me, one big hole in my life

[daddycoco23]

anyone comment lol

[Fa-Q]

it was ok but its alot easier to read it

la la la la la,
la la la la la,
la la la la la,

then

la la la la la, la la la la la la, la la la la la...see

so separate the bars with a new line each time...but good start keep writing and keep dropping

[gutawafang]

Simple rhymes. The chorus is very direct.

[eminemgirl1234]

That's a damn copy of my shit! You just changed the title, and the...other...stuff...Fuck you!

[daddycoco23]

That's a damn copy of my shit! You just changed the title, and the...other...stuff...Fuck you!

nah, i didnt even know you made one

[Drama Setter]

That's a damn copy of my shit! You just changed the title, and the...other...stuff...Fuck you!

nah, i didnt even know you made one

LMFAO

[daddycoco23]

That's a damn copy of my shit! You just changed the title, and the...other...stuff...Fuck you!

nah, i didnt even know you made one

LMFAO

lmao, i didnt

[gutawafang]

I guess they know each other.

[AOBrien09]

Quite basic rhyme's, like fa-Q already said work on structure, ok for 1st time though

[daddycoco23]

Quite basic rhyme's, like fa-Q already said work on structure, ok for 1st time though

tyvm

[Solace]

Dont get why your first one is so much better in every way cept structure than your second.

I say it was quite good for a first time.

If you reposted this with fixed structure, eg.

My girl broke up with me,
what cause i left the toilet seat up
what cause i spanked my kids when they werent doing good,
what its not like I smacked them with wood,

Make the rhyme at the end of the sentence. Fixes flow and more people will wanna read it and theyll understand the rhyme quicker.

[daddycoco23]

Dont get why your first one is so much better in every way cept structure than your second.

I say it was quite good for a first time.

If you reposted this with fixed structure, eg.

My girl broke up with me,
what cause i left the toilet seat up
what cause i spanked my kids when they werent doing good,
what its not like I smacked them with wood,

Make the rhyme at the end of the sentence. Fixes flow and more people will wanna read it and theyll understand the rhyme quicker.

there we go....