Time to shine (unfinished)

[daddycoco23]

[Chorus] My time to shine, My time to win
My time to beat all these motherfuckers
that say i cant spin no shit, or spit some rap

[Verse] My time to shine like the dew on the morning grass,
pass all the people,
and stick out like a sore thumb,
but to these motherfuckers that say im wack
yall can suck my ball sack,
fuck you chumps
all these fucking
bruises and bumps i got
when i was a kid are gone
this my new life, calling me white
yea im white wats it to ya?
I was always trying to be cool as kid
look where it got me,
on my knees fucking beggin for food to eat
i cant even sleep so i take some drugs, more and more
untils its 30 minutes past 4 keep popping and popping.
But its over, no more drugs, this is

[Chorus] My time to shine, My time to win
My time to beat all these motherfuckers
that say i cant spin no shit, or spit some rap

(i did have a drug problem, sleeping aids, valium) remember im still a crap head at writing raps

[Solace]

Did any of that really rhyme?

[lilrossy]

that say i cant spin no shit, or spit some rap

they were right.

[Solace]

that say i cant spin no shit, or spit some rap

they were right.

[daddycoco23]

that say i cant spin no shit, or spit some rap

they were right.

knew that already but thanks for the feedback, my first one was much better

[Solace]

Aiight ill give you actual feedback.

As I recall, most rap songs rhyme.


I was always trying to be cool as kid
look where it got me,
on my knees fucking beggin for food to eat

Where is the rhyming?

Your lines are messed up, there are too many syllables in one and too little in another. Aka your flow sucks.

Honestly my first freestyle attempt at rap was better in terms of rhymes.

Just

My time to shine like the dew on the morning grass,

wouldve been a better verse than what you posted.

[daddycoco23]

Aiight ill give you actual feedback.

As I recall, most rap songs rhyme.


I was always trying to be cool as kid
look where it got me,
on my knees fucking beggin for food to eat

Where is the rhyming?

Your lines are messed up, there are too many syllables in one and too little in another. Aka your flow sucks.

Honestly my first freestyle attempt at rap was better in terms of rhymes.

Just

My time to shine like the dew on the morning grass,

wouldve been a better verse than what you posted.

ya i see, also look in the same section look for hole in my lfie, thats the best 1 i did (my first sttempt at rap) which it wasnt great but better then this