Don't You Know (post your link and I'll feed yours too)

[Tash8]

a song i'm currently recording, but before I record, I want comments on my lyrics so I know what I should fix, thx

I'm staring at the clock, watching time tick by
I'm thinking of the day when I make it big time
when you'll see me on TV, rockin one big smile
and you'll stop in amazement and wonder what If I?
if you just hadn't left me and hadn't said goodbye
we'd be livin' so large and had superstar lives
but you had to go and ruin it and put me on the side
now it's your biggest regret, I bet, oh well
and I'm over the hell that you had to put me through
I'm better off alone, I'm completely done with you
I'm sorry you didn't know that I'd turn so beast
I was always like this I just had to be unleashed
you thought I'd wait for you so you put me on leave
I guess you were wrong now the only time you'll see me
is when you turn on your TV and your eyes get teary
and you'll never get past that, I get the last laugh, clearly

*Chorus*
(oh woah) Don't You Know?
i'm a superstar
Now I Live
live so large
Go Ahead Try
try to find
Someone like I

[Solace]

Decent stuff. Would've liked more internal rhymes and multies but it's fine the way it is. I liked the way you ended the verse. The emotion was definitely there. Though I really couldn't find anything I liked about the chorus. Seemed pretty wack. I'll check it out in audio definitely.

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=70004
If you wouldn't mind feeding that, thanks

[classthe_king]

A little basic for my taste, looks good though. I liked the concept you went with it. The last 2 lines were amazing though, great way to end it.

[gutawafang]

Poetic chorus.

Poetic song overall I must say.

[Tash8]

Decent stuff. Would've liked more internal rhymes and multies but it's fine the way it is. I liked the way you ended the verse. The emotion was definitely there. Though I really couldn't find anything I liked about the chorus. Seemed pretty wack. I'll check it out in audio definitely.

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=70004
If you wouldn't mind feeding that, thanks

thanks guys, you know i can do all the internal rhymes and multis, but I have chosen not use it for this track, because as of late, i've been recording what i write, and i've felt it's better to focus on getting the flow tight before i should use real lyricism... i dunno how u guys can claim this is simple, i know the rhyming is really easy but the story is what's supposed to strike most people but anyways thx guys and the chorus will be sung so i can see how it sounded weird lol


btw the last two lines are my fav two and thats the type of lyricism i'm able to do, and i felt like i should throw that in, in the last few lines.

[Solace]

Decent stuff. Would've liked more internal rhymes and multies but it's fine the way it is. I liked the way you ended the verse. The emotion was definitely there. Though I really couldn't find anything I liked about the chorus. Seemed pretty wack. I'll check it out in audio definitely.

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=70004
If you wouldn't mind feeding that, thanks

thanks guys, you know i can do all the internal rhymes and multis, but I have chosen not use it for this track, because as of late, i've been recording what i write, and i've felt it's better to focus on getting the flow tight before i should use real lyricism... i dunno how u guys can claim this is simple, i know the rhyming is really easy but the story is what's supposed to strike most people but anyways thx guys and the chorus will be sung so i can see how it sounded weird lol


btw the last two lines are my fav two and thats the type of lyricism i'm able to do, and i felt like i should throw that in, in the last few lines.

I can completely understand that.

PS. Why'd you stop rapping anyways? Other than recent wasnt the last of your verses from...URD?

[Tash8]

yessir, i quit a bit so i can focus on producing, now i've stopped producing to rap.

[mcZu]

Flowed smoothly, lacks internal rhyming, multies and wordplay, but the story you painted compensates for the lack of lyricism. Can't wait to hear this, keep it up.

[Fa-Q]

Good shit...tash you hardly drop but when you do its dope...good emotion...post it again if and when you get 3 verses....hook was dope too I know hooks are hard to come up with....


Here's mine viewtopic.php?f=24&t=69827

[Tash8]

viewtopic.php?f=38&t=70567

^ there's the verse recorded for anyone who wants to hear it.. FA-Q just fed urs