Critical Condition

[Tranquil]

Verse 1:
Hiding behind that pile of rubble,
Knowing if I got up, I would be in trouble,
I could just hear the machines moving around,
At this point, I wished that I was underground,
All of a sudden I got up, and climbed over,
The machine came from up under me, and it was all over,
My heart was racing, as I looked at the thing,
It was facing, staring right into me like it was king,
I tried to brake away, but it wanted me to stay,
It was amazing, how it would not obey,
All of a sudden, its grip tightened,
The more aggressive it got, I started to feel frightened,
Boom, it thought me across the field,
Smashing into broken metal without my shield,
As I looked up, I could see it coming,
As it came closer, I could hear it humming,


Im still working on it, so tell us what you guys think

[Dani911]

hey, nice start nice rhymes

[BILI]

Verse 1:
Hiding behind that pile of rubble,
Knowing if I got up, I would be in trouble,
I could just hear the machines moving around,
At this point, I wished that I was underground,
All of a sudden I got up, and climbed over,
The machine came from up under me, and it was all over,
My heart was racing, as I looked at the thing,
It was facing, staring right into me like it was king,
I tried to brake away, but it wanted me to stay,
It was amazing, how it would not obey,
All of a sudden, its grip tightened,
The more aggressive it got, I started to feel frightened,
Boom, it thought me across the field,
Smashing into broken metal without my shield,
As I looked up, I could see it coming,
As it came closer, I could hear it humming,


Im still working on it, so tell us what you guys think

its good,you should put some multies in it,it flowed good 2,
but tell us,wtf,lmao

[eminemgirl1234]

Verse 1:
Hiding behind that pile of rubble,
Knowing if I got up, I would be in trouble,
I could just hear the machines moving around,
At this point, I wished that I was underground,
All of a sudden I got up, and climbed over,
The machine came from up under me, and it was all over,
My heart was racing, as I looked at the thing,
It was facing, staring right into me like it was king,
I tried to brake away, but it wanted me to stay,
It was amazing, how it would not obey,
All of a sudden, its grip tightened,
The more aggressive it got, I started to feel frightened,
Boom, it thought me across the field,
Smashing into broken metal without my shield,
As I looked up, I could see it coming,
As it came closer, I could hear it humming,


Im still working on it, so tell us what you guys think

Love it! Love it! More! More!

[AOBrien09]

nice flow to it, good structure an like already said try to put some multies in it. But overall it was good

[classthe_king]

Your doing better. Flow was good most of the time. I would have to hear it on audio before i could say anymore about that. Lyrics are alright, like Bili said, work on the multis

[Tranquil]

Your doing better. Flow was good most of the time. I would have to hear it on audio before i could say anymore about that. Lyrics are alright, like Bili said, work on the multis

Thank you, i have finished the track, and i have recorded it, but its not going to be released untill my album is released. But thank you for all the feedback

[eminemgirl1234]

^ Um, are you Eminem?

[Tranquil]

^ Um, are you Eminem?

no im not

[eminemgirl1234]

you sure?

[mcZu]

Not bad, you need to work on the technicality of writing though. Nice imagery, keep it up.

[Tranquil]

:o you sure?

yes

[Darkness]

its ok man, nothing to good

[eminemgirl1234]

:o you sure?

yes

Are you postive...'cause your vocabulary is like, something that eminem would write.

[Tranquil]

:o you sure?

yes

Are you postive...'cause your vocabulary is like, something that eminem would write.

ptsh, no its not