Just a starter

[MCyobi]

Dont try to fuck with me cause you"ll end up dead
I"ll kill you fast and i"ll blast your fuckin head
Blood will be all over your kitchen floor
I"ll still want more so i"ll pick up another whore
And before that i"ll take out your fuckin gore
Decor it and store in my bloody pants
And then I"ll do Michael Jackson`s dance
Take your body and entomb it somewhere in France
It could be a great chance to end this sentence

I just started to write and I`m 12 years old,plus English is not my native language
I`d like it if you give me some tips

[Just Silver]

first of all dont think age is ever a factor unless your like 7 and all you know is like blues clues
12 is around the age i started

as for the language thing this is pretty good if thats the case
ive seen american english starting out and its way worse than this
......You will see what i mean lol

as for tips. study english language much more and as well as other veterans in the forum such as J roc and Yah-Yah

Just off the top of my head

[gutawafang]

Improve your multis. The concept of this drop is pretty simple but it rhymes very well. It flows too.

[lilrossy]

man, the rhymes are to simple and forced, jus keep practising and try to use more multis.

[Drama Setter]

Not bad , practice more

[MCyobi]

thx for the tips

[BILI]

Thats ok for a start
as others said,more multies,and it was pretty simple,so make it more complex and stuff
good thing is that it flowed pretty good
just keep practicin and you`ll get better

[embm]

not bad keep @ it
omg ur 12!!!
damn i feel old