Little Verse

[Fa-Q]

Rolling blunts, like tears on a cheek,
When I climb this mountain, I hope this storm clears at the peak,
I hope when I make it the crowd cheers when I speak,
All fears bleak, as each of my weak ears,
hears bass, it clears my face, it steers my taste,
on my salty lips, so if my shaking knees shift to faulty hips,
my dirty toes, are like my wordy flows, unnecessary like flirty hoes, in pretty(perty) clothes,
my toes cringe, like if my bloodstream chose a syringe,
my bloodstreams is dying like if mud screams, red rum,
which is what it fled from,
afraid of murder as your head's numb, knuckle head, your heavy waist isn't cause your belt buckle's lead,
the head of your knuckle is back at your head quarters,
a quarter of the head of a quarter for the toll booth,
as your car fled the border,

[mcZu]

An unorthodox structure, though flowed good. Nice how you rhymed the two last words of each ''bar'' at some points. Multies are okay, rhyming is nothing special. Overall not bad, keep it up, man.

[Fa-Q]

Lol thanks Zu... Did you notice at "fears bleak" and "weak ears" I flipped the words and started rhyming the other two words....lol and I don't care about structure imo it only is pleasing to the eyes u know

[mcZu]

Yeah, which makes the rhyme scheme flow better. Nice little thing you added, and I agree, structure aint important if you end up recording it, but it does make it easier to read for the readers.

[Spyder]

not bad man you did the right syllables like i said
which to me made it flow so much better
like zu said the vocab and rhyming wasnt great but good work bro

[Yah-hah]

I dig it man. I like these kind of pieces and you did it good. Forget the structure I kept up with it man. Yeah dude keep coming with that crazy stuff man

[gutawafang]

dope multis

[Fa-Q]

Thanks Gutaw, Yahhah, and Spider

[BILI]

structure is only thing that aint good ,but everything else is dope,multies were awesome ,flow was good
nice drop

[Fa-Q]

Thanks Bili

[D'Leh]

good rhymes, flow but kinde mess structure... a good ass piece

[Fa-Q]

Lol thanks Dleh

[Just Silver]

nice imagery you had going on there different but in a good way

[Fa-Q]

Thanks Emsilver