The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

Kayan

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

Kayan

Postby gutawafang » Nov 28th, '09, 08:51

So now I write raps poetically like I'm a rap criminal
Signalling, messages,confessions, they subliminal
Penning out my thougths, so I could make it minimal
To make it sound like Fish thoughts, like an animal
I ain't kidding, I mean this cuz it's my heart's call
If you reject me, I'll trip and I'll land a hard fall
To my face, and I'll be an emotionally scarred doll
Be a puppet of despair, and then I'll hate you more
But if theses strings attached is to you, I won't mind
Cuz I know you feigning ignorance, you shown signs
I'ma keep up with you, to escape this blown mind
Run with you, tan, sine and cosine, till they gon' rhyme
Saying your name specifically wouldn't alter the fact
That after I tell you this, I'ma falter, go back

I love you, bottomer than the bottomest heart
You're brighter, greater than the awesomest star

Across the room, all I see is this person I want
Listens to me, she even knows Leah Dizon is the one
I can't change this once I post this, it's over
Spread across the internet, here's the clover
Only your heart's gonna win it, with a simple response
Needless to say, I'm getting my fucking ass torn
Made to love you, oh man, it's getting mushy
And it's pressuring me, now it's pushed me
Kamikaze would be better, but this ain't a war
Know that this awesomest love-pain's a sore
And I plan to rewrite this, again and again
You know it's vertical, and I know I'm insane
A couple times, I did this a couple times before
Not that it works, I'm just trying one more

I love you, bottomer than the bottomest heart
You're brighter, greater than the awesomest star

Please leave some feedback. I appreciate it. ;)
ADD ME ON PS4: gutawafang
Currently playing: Destiny
Image
TR Rap Battle Record: 23-8
User avatar
gutawafang
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9474
Joined: Dec 13th, '07, 08:01
Location: Lion City
Gender: Male

Re: Kayan

Postby Relapse.LP » Nov 29th, '09, 05:32

gutawafang wrote:So now I write raps poetically like I'm a rap criminal
Signalling, messages,confessions, they subliminal
Penning out my thougths, so I could make it minimal
To make it sound like Fish thoughts, like an animal
I ain't kidding, I mean this cuz it's my heart's call
If you reject me, I'll trip and I'll land a hard fall
To my face, and I'll be an emotionally scarred doll
Be a puppet of despair, and then I'll hate you more
But if theses strings attached is to you, I won't mind
Cuz I know you feigning ignorance, you shown signs
I'ma keep up with you, to escape this blown mind
Run with you, tan, sine and cosine, till they gon' rhyme
Saying your name specifically wouldn't alter the fact
That after I tell you this, I'ma falter, go back

I love you, bottomer than the bottomest heart
You're brighter, greater than the awesomest star

Across the room, all I see is this person I want
Listens to me, she even knows Leah Dizon is the one
I can't change this once I post this, it's over
Spread across the internet, here's the clover
Only your heart's gonna win it, with a simple response
Needless to say, I'm getting my fucking ass torn
Made to love you, oh man, it's getting mushy
And it's pressuring me, now it's pushed me
Kamikaze would be better, but this ain't a war
Know that this awesomest love-pain's a sore
And I plan to rewrite this, again and again
You know it's vertical, and I know I'm insane
A couple times, I did this a couple times before
Not that it works, I'm just trying one more

I love you, bottomer than the bottomest heart
You're brighter, greater than the awesomest star

Please leave some feedback. I appreciate it. ;)

Dope verse, but what was with the red-highlighted acronym? I don't get it. :sweating:
Yo, from the first to the last of it; delivery is passionate/
The whole and not the half of it; vocab and not the math of it/
Projectile that them blasted with; accurate assassin shit/
Me and Kweli close like... Bethlehem and Nazareth/


-Black Star, Definition

Live free. Die hard.
User avatar
Relapse.LP
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2887
Joined: Apr 14th, '09, 02:34
Location: The Bay Area
Gender: Male

Re: Kayan

Postby Just Silver » Nov 29th, '09, 05:58

this was dope untill the acronyms made the flow disappear i like the concept just didnt really work in the end just my opinion

By the way gave you Shout Out :D
Image
User avatar
Just Silver
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7791
Joined: Jun 27th, '09, 03:40
Location: East Coast
Gender: Male

Re: Kayan

Postby Slim Zaddy » Nov 29th, '09, 08:15

ain't kidding, I mean this cuz it's my heart's call
If you reject me, I'll trip and I'll land a hard fall
To my face, and I'll be an emotionally scarred doll
Be a puppet of despair, and then I'll hate you more


it was dope as a concept, i liked the rhyming scheme , you got some sick lines,,, homie,,, keep it up :y:
Image
z_em = Slim Zaddy = Zaid AQ which is my real name
User avatar
Slim Zaddy
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3764
Joined: Aug 21st, '08, 19:42
Location: never mind
Gender: Male

Re: Kayan

Postby gutawafang » Nov 29th, '09, 13:58

Relapse.LP wrote:
gutawafang wrote:So now I write raps poetically like I'm a rap criminal
Signalling, messages,confessions, they subliminal
Penning out my thougths, so I could make it minimal
To make it sound like Fish thoughts, like an animal
I ain't kidding, I mean this cuz it's my heart's call
If you reject me, I'll trip and I'll land a hard fall
To my face, and I'll be an emotionally scarred doll
Be a puppet of despair, and then I'll hate you more
But if theses strings attached is to you, I won't mind
Cuz I know you feigning ignorance, you shown signs
I'ma keep up with you, to escape this blown mind
Run with you, tan, sine and cosine, till they gon' rhyme
Saying your name specifically wouldn't alter the fact
That after I tell you this, I'ma falter, go back

I love you, bottomer than the bottomest heart
You're brighter, greater than the awesomest star

Across the room, all I see is this person I want
Listens to me, she even knows Leah Dizon is the one
I can't change this once I post this, it's over
Spread across the internet, here's the clover
Only your heart's gonna win it, with a simple response
Needless to say, I'm getting my fucking ass torn
Made to love you, oh man, it's getting mushy
And it's pressuring me, now it's pushed me
Kamikaze would be better, but this ain't a war
Know that this awesomest love-pain's a sore
And I plan to rewrite this, again and again
You know it's vertical, and I know I'm insane
A couple times, I did this a couple times before
Not that it works, I'm just trying one more

I love you, bottomer than the bottomest heart
You're brighter, greater than the awesomest star

Please leave some feedback. I appreciate it. ;)

Dope verse, but what was with the red-highlighted acronym? I don't get it. :sweating:


The red highlighted words form a name. Alison Mak Kayan. ;)

Silver and Zaddy, thanks for feeding. :worship:
ADD ME ON PS4: gutawafang
Currently playing: Destiny
Image
TR Rap Battle Record: 23-8
User avatar
gutawafang
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9474
Joined: Dec 13th, '07, 08:01
Location: Lion City
Gender: Male

Re: Kayan

Postby Relapse.LP » Nov 30th, '09, 03:38

gutawafang wrote:
Relapse.LP wrote:
gutawafang wrote:So now I write raps poetically like I'm a rap criminal
Signalling, messages,confessions, they subliminal
Penning out my thougths, so I could make it minimal
To make it sound like Fish thoughts, like an animal
I ain't kidding, I mean this cuz it's my heart's call
If you reject me, I'll trip and I'll land a hard fall
To my face, and I'll be an emotionally scarred doll
Be a puppet of despair, and then I'll hate you more
But if theses strings attached is to you, I won't mind
Cuz I know you feigning ignorance, you shown signs
I'ma keep up with you, to escape this blown mind
Run with you, tan, sine and cosine, till they gon' rhyme
Saying your name specifically wouldn't alter the fact
That after I tell you this, I'ma falter, go back

I love you, bottomer than the bottomest heart
You're brighter, greater than the awesomest star

Across the room, all I see is this person I want
Listens to me, she even knows Leah Dizon is the one
I can't change this once I post this, it's over
Spread across the internet, here's the clover
Only your heart's gonna win it, with a simple response
Needless to say, I'm getting my fucking ass torn
Made to love you, oh man, it's getting mushy
And it's pressuring me, now it's pushed me
Kamikaze would be better, but this ain't a war
Know that this awesomest love-pain's a sore
And I plan to rewrite this, again and again
You know it's vertical, and I know I'm insane
A couple times, I did this a couple times before
Not that it works, I'm just trying one more

I love you, bottomer than the bottomest heart
You're brighter, greater than the awesomest star

Please leave some feedback. I appreciate it. ;)

Dope verse, but what was with the red-highlighted acronym? I don't get it. :sweating:


The red highlighted words form a name. Alison Mak Kayan. ;)

Silver and Zaddy, thanks for feeding. :worship:

Googled the name and found nothing. :(

Mind giving feedback to mine?

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=72783

:pizza:
Yo, from the first to the last of it; delivery is passionate/
The whole and not the half of it; vocab and not the math of it/
Projectile that them blasted with; accurate assassin shit/
Me and Kweli close like... Bethlehem and Nazareth/


-Black Star, Definition

Live free. Die hard.
User avatar
Relapse.LP
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2887
Joined: Apr 14th, '09, 02:34
Location: The Bay Area
Gender: Male

Re: Kayan

Postby gutawafang » Nov 30th, '09, 03:42

She's my schoolmate.
ADD ME ON PS4: gutawafang
Currently playing: Destiny
Image
TR Rap Battle Record: 23-8
User avatar
gutawafang
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9474
Joined: Dec 13th, '07, 08:01
Location: Lion City
Gender: Male

Re: Kayan

Postby Relapse.LP » Nov 30th, '09, 03:44

gutawafang wrote:She's my schoolmate.

=D>
Yo, from the first to the last of it; delivery is passionate/
The whole and not the half of it; vocab and not the math of it/
Projectile that them blasted with; accurate assassin shit/
Me and Kweli close like... Bethlehem and Nazareth/


-Black Star, Definition

Live free. Die hard.
User avatar
Relapse.LP
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2887
Joined: Apr 14th, '09, 02:34
Location: The Bay Area
Gender: Male


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users