Untitled

[FAME]

I can be lyrical if I need to be
But I can’t please everybody now see
I’m a musical miracle
Making every rapper look hysterical
I’m petty see?
Please don’t pity me
I don’t need your sympathy
Make you guarantee to disagree
With my masterpiece of a verse
I disperse disses as I curse
I reverse your rhymes for the worse
Show you the scheme of my dream
The gleam of my supreme esteem
Scream to the extreme
You disappear like vanishing cream
When I step up to your regime
Beam down your whole team

Tried to do some things with my vocab, still working on it. But I would loveee feedback, I'm still learning. And I appreciate any help people can give me.

[macdaddy019967]

i liked this piece pretty dope imo
i wish it was a bit longer though

[Emadyville]

Some of your rhymes seem forced, since you're kinda learning like you said, I can see what I used to do back in the day, which showed up at the end here:

Show you the scheme of my dream
The gleam of my supreme esteem
Scream to the extreme
You disappear like vanishing cream
When I step up to your regime
Beam down your whole team

Where you put a bunch of rhymes all together because it seems to be very lyrical, which can work but doesn't that often. I used to do this back in the day too, cause I thought the same thing, looks good ya know.

The rhymes of pity me, sympathy, and disagree I thought were pretty good, showed some range there, much more advanced then the ending of simple rhymes.

Might wanna try to use multi's, for instance something like:

Show you the scheme that I dream about,
I'm supreme and have my self-esteem housed,
To the extreme till you scream and shout,
And disappear like the cream is out,
When I step up to your regime you pout,
As I beam down your whole teams in doubt.

Idk if that all even made sense, but I hope it showed what I meant, where using multi's shows skill better than just using the same rhymes, or at least more often then not.

Hope it helped, keep writing

[FAME]

Thank you guys both for feedback, and Emadyville I understand what your saying. Mulits' are certainly not my strong suit, but I am trying.

I'll keep working on it guys!

[Fa-Q]

Not bad...I like the flow and the multis...keep it up and maybe try multi syllables to mix up your style

[-[Zach]-]

i thought it was pretty good, i like it. very good word choice because you used not often used words. thats always a good thing because it can make your readers smarter haha. nice job man, keep it up.