The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

Rnadom Verse...Check it!..

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

Rnadom Verse...Check it!..

Postby bullet_boy46 » Jan 9th, '10, 21:17

Made this like 40 minutes ago



frozen flames exposes dames
slays chosen lames with broken chains
we choke and mame, demote your name
and drain blood through veins of open brains
theres absolutely no fucking hope to gain
cause any persons cant compete or cope with pain
we so insane that the tracks we twisted are enough to choke a train
dont complain because your confused , and cant choose from two genders
you could come with your whole crew, and Ill still wreck any member
you pretenders cant remember how to rhyme or use a flow
you useless ho, this aint the show beverly hills 9-0-2-1-0
you should refuse to show, go back to greasy fuckin play-doe
is only hot when i stuff em in his easy bake oven (woahh!)
you say nothing, you get one win you obviously bit
if this is yo hobby then quit, you copy my spit, sloppy as shit
you lick the floppiest dicks, copy our pics to floppy discs
your such a biter that after you lose you probably choose to copy this

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index ... 029AAurK0i
:coffee:
Last edited by bullet_boy46 on Jan 9th, '10, 21:36, edited 3 times in total.
Solace wrote:Oh stop your making me blush :blinking:

Image
User avatar
bullet_boy46
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 1109
Joined: Sep 24th, '09, 19:10
Location: New York, West Brighton

Re: Random diss..Check it

Postby Just Silver » Jan 9th, '10, 21:25

found it as a nice drop but not as a diss really
making random disses makes me think u got someone in mind :confusion:
Image
User avatar
Just Silver
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7791
Joined: Jun 27th, '09, 03:40
Location: East Coast
Gender: Male

Re: Random diss..Check it

Postby bullet_boy46 » Jan 9th, '10, 21:29

Just Silver wrote:found it as a nice drop but not as a diss really
making random disses makes me think u got someone in mind :confusion:

i said at the bottom taking shots at a person :whistle:
Solace wrote:Oh stop your making me blush :blinking:

Image
User avatar
bullet_boy46
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 1109
Joined: Sep 24th, '09, 19:10
Location: New York, West Brighton

Re: Random diss..Check it

Postby Just Silver » Jan 9th, '10, 21:35

bullet_boy46 wrote:
Just Silver wrote:found it as a nice drop but not as a diss really
making random disses makes me think u got someone in mind :confusion:

i said at the bottom taking shots at a person :whistle:

didn't see that :whistle:
Image
User avatar
Just Silver
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7791
Joined: Jun 27th, '09, 03:40
Location: East Coast
Gender: Male

Re: Rnadom Verse...Check it!..

Postby bullet_boy46 » Jan 9th, '10, 23:54

bump :sweating:
Solace wrote:Oh stop your making me blush :blinking:

Image
User avatar
bullet_boy46
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 1109
Joined: Sep 24th, '09, 19:10
Location: New York, West Brighton

Re: Rnadom Verse...Check it!..

Postby Edge » Jan 9th, '10, 23:55

good shit man, ur gettin a lot better :y:
be the best you can be, and if thats not good enough for people... than fuck em
Edge
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 1131
Joined: Dec 6th, '09, 00:44
Location: Staten Island, New York
Gender: Male

Re: Rnadom Verse...Check it!..

Postby bullet_boy46 » Jan 10th, '10, 00:51

thanks man :worship:
Solace wrote:Oh stop your making me blush :blinking:

Image
User avatar
bullet_boy46
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 1109
Joined: Sep 24th, '09, 19:10
Location: New York, West Brighton

Re: Rnadom Verse...Check it!..

Postby mcZu » Jan 10th, '10, 00:56

Not bad, work on your structure though. Can't comment on flow, sinde I don't know which beat you used, rhyme scheme is not bad, needs an upgrade though, it's too simple right now. Multies are okay. Overall not a bad verse man. Keep it up.
"Truth is limitless in its range; if you drop a 'T' and look at it in reverse, it could hurt."
- Lupe Fiasco

Follow Me!

McZu's Blog!
User avatar
mcZu
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7297
Joined: Jun 17th, '08, 14:21
Location: Rotterdam
Gender: Male

Re: Rnadom Verse...Check it!..

Postby bullet_boy46 » Jan 10th, '10, 01:03

^^ thanks zu
Solace wrote:Oh stop your making me blush :blinking:

Image
User avatar
bullet_boy46
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 1109
Joined: Sep 24th, '09, 19:10
Location: New York, West Brighton

Re: Rnadom Verse...Check it!..

Postby Spyder » Jan 10th, '10, 01:14

gettin there bro, tons better than even a couple weeks ago
ima say dont rhyme just to rhyme is my advice now
make sure the multies dont contradict eachother
lookin good bro
ImageImageImage
User avatar
Spyder
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9418
Joined: Jan 31st, '09, 01:56
Location: El Dorado
Gender: Male

Re: Rnadom Verse...Check it!..

Postby 2sDay » Jan 10th, '10, 01:59

why do I have a feeling this is directed to me?
The 2sDay Massacre
Image
Props to Solace and dR.dR3

3 AM>Relapse, Beautiful>Deja Vu, 2sDay>Every Other Day, dR.dR3>Dr. Dre
User avatar
2sDay
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 1362
Joined: Dec 24th, '09, 03:36
Location: Miami, Florida
Gender: Male

Re: Rnadom Verse...Check it!..

Postby bullet_boy46 » Jan 10th, '10, 02:04

2sDay wrote:why do I have a feeling this is directed to me?

no you never did anything to me.. that shit we conflicted is over.. its about someone else... taking shots if you could see it :shifty:
Solace wrote:Oh stop your making me blush :blinking:

Image
User avatar
bullet_boy46
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 1109
Joined: Sep 24th, '09, 19:10
Location: New York, West Brighton

Re: Rnadom Verse...Check it!..

Postby Element. » Jan 10th, '10, 02:06

not bad man :y:
Image
TR Battles
Won - 4
Lost - 0
User avatar
Element.
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 867
Joined: Oct 5th, '09, 18:50
Location: England
Gender: Male

Re: Rnadom Verse...Check it!..

Postby 2sDay » Jan 10th, '10, 03:40

bullet_boy46 wrote:
2sDay wrote:why do I have a feeling this is directed to me?

no you never did anything to me.. that shit we conflicted is over.. its about someone else... taking shots if you could see it :shifty:

may u release his name??? :)
The 2sDay Massacre
Image
Props to Solace and dR.dR3

3 AM>Relapse, Beautiful>Deja Vu, 2sDay>Every Other Day, dR.dR3>Dr. Dre
User avatar
2sDay
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 1362
Joined: Dec 24th, '09, 03:36
Location: Miami, Florida
Gender: Male

Re: Rnadom Verse...Check it!..

Postby bullet_boy46 » Jan 10th, '10, 03:46

2sDay wrote:
bullet_boy46 wrote:
2sDay wrote:why do I have a feeling this is directed to me?

no you never did anything to me.. that shit we conflicted is over.. its about someone else... taking shots if you could see it :shifty:

may u release his name??? :)

no :D
Solace wrote:Oh stop your making me blush :blinking:

Image
User avatar
bullet_boy46
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 1109
Joined: Sep 24th, '09, 19:10
Location: New York, West Brighton

Next

Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users