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My 2 first raps

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My 2 first raps

Postby UzaKING » Feb 17th, '10, 06:12

Hi :wave: im new here and new to rapping please give me some advice on how to improve

1st rap:

So sick with it
music wit cant miss it
rhymin so quick your pant blew out the wick
im spittin so sick just blew up this clit
rippin yo chick shes addicted to my dick
like a drug shes trippin on this shit
you a psycho thug? well im a convict
feelin strict
waitin for the verdict
i predict you panic
i planned it
basic form of magic
now face my drop kick
i can waste your whole clique
any lyric you can spit i will out-wit
fly by in my space-ship
drop a shit on you close-knit nit-wits
admit it im spittin colder than arctic
leave your face broken and frost-bit
fuck the sun this is a new orbit
so forfeit


2nd rap:

There are two twins in my mansion
and i dont know what to do with them
the devils within my mind again despite my trys to hide from him
my eyes widen the crys begin
she tried to hide by my bedside so i applied heptoxide into her eyes
id advise that its unwise to move the corpse before it drys
clean the floor and ignore the flys
the smell of the gore is the prize
the other whore is still alive
to my surprise shes still inside
so i decide to grab supplies
a kitchen knife to stab her twice
i nab her and decapitate her thighs
now to the lab to freeze-dry her eyes
allow them to scab for two nights
chow down they are true delights
then i drown the bodys in termites
pour down some gas till it ignites
now you know how to take two lifes
UzaKING
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Re: My 2 first raps

Postby GoodGirlsGetGutted » Feb 17th, '10, 09:08

Man, these are awesome!
These are your first? If so, your technique is really advanced for a beginner.
In fact, I'd say you have it down.
The only criticism I have is pertaining to your structure and timing, particularly in the 1st rap.
I would recommend you arrange the lines in groups of 4 beats per line.
This helps the reader follow your rhythm.
That 2nd was just sick, it reminded me of something I would write.
I hope to see more from you.
Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.
-Matthew 7:12

-Chaos zawladnal światem po raz kolejny-
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GoodGirlsGetGutted
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Re: My 2 first raps

Postby UzaKING » Feb 17th, '10, 20:55

GoodGirlsGetGutted wrote:Man, these are awesome!
These are your first? If so, your technique is really advanced for a beginner.
In fact, I'd say you have it down.
The only criticism I have is pertaining to your structure and timing, particularly in the 1st rap.
I would recommend you arrange the lines in groups of 4 beats per line.
This helps the reader follow your rhythm.
That 2nd was just sick, it reminded me of something I would write.
I hope to see more from you.



thanks :) ya these are my first and 2nd i just got house arrest so i decided to start rapping lol
UzaKING
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