The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

In The Back of My Head ft. Fa-Q

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

In The Back of My Head ft. Fa-Q

Postby FAME » Feb 28th, '10, 05:09

Somebody just make these fears disappear
Because the end seems so very near
But I know I have to persevere
Until I make it into the clear

Fa-Q
All my fears etched, with my sad songs, tears sketched,
So I tear up that notebook paper, but see heres the catch,
My phobias consist of different things, never spiders or snakes,
I fear whack rappers, flash in the pans, and biters or fakes,
Never creepy critters, everday battle trying to beat the jitters,
I'm afraid I'm become of them, and go ahead and join the phase,
Then others make fun of me for what they are, and I coined the phrase,
I remember when my fears got me, I was driving and tried to stear,
I had never, before than, switched my pride with fear,
My phobias have taken over, like my owner, my slave master,
The lifeguard sent out the lifeboat, but I need to be saved faster,
I'm a coward child, but I know I have to be a brave bastard,
I'm tired of running, like on each foot I have an old cleet,
Shaking in them, worried like a man at his wedding with cold feet,
Gaining more courage everyday, losing my faintheartedness,
I want my face not to be scared pale, and paint the part less,

Somebody just make these fears disappear
Because the end seems so very near
But I know I have to persevere
Until I make it into the clear

FAME
You can see it in my eyes, you can see it in my speech
The way I move and talk, and these walls I won’t breach
There are a lot of things, I feel like I’m leaving behind
Scared to live for today, and start seizing the time
For now I hope and pray, thinking that if I may
I’ll try and stay today, and hope that these fears fade away
But the outcomes of my dreams crumbling, I can’t dismay
I’m hoping to step up and act like I don’t play
I’m just hoping for my sake, that I can change the fate
That I make up in my head, I’ll rearrange the date
Death, dreams, the future, are all bottled up in my head
I’m so pessimistic, not even thinking that I have a shred
Of a chance, to make my life amount to the vision
So as of right now television dreams are fizzing
In this world I know I’m nothing, I’m a peasant
So these are nothing but expressions of an adolescent

Somebody just make these fears disappear
Because the end seems so very near
But I know I have to persevere
Until I make it into the clear


Finally got to collab with the awesome Fa-Q :worship: I'm in a bit of a writer's block, but this got me out of it sorta :flutter:
User avatar
FAME
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 1087
Joined: Sep 19th, '09, 14:52
Gender: Female

Re: In The Back of My Head ft. Fa-Q

Postby Fa-Q » Feb 28th, '10, 07:00

This turned out great...finally did something with you and your verse is sick... :)
User avatar
Fa-Q
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 8404
Joined: Dec 20th, '08, 21:15

Re: In The Back of My Head ft. Fa-Q

Postby Fa-Q » Feb 28th, '10, 20:04

Bump
User avatar
Fa-Q
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 8404
Joined: Dec 20th, '08, 21:15

Re: In The Back of My Head ft. Fa-Q

Postby Just Silver » Feb 28th, '10, 20:09

Really nice Fa-Q classic verse

and FAME was nice but need a little up in the vocab
but got the focus down

nice to see FAME is uppin the game
Image
User avatar
Just Silver
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7791
Joined: Jun 27th, '09, 03:40
Location: East Coast
Gender: Male

Re: In The Back of My Head ft. Fa-Q

Postby Fa-Q » Feb 28th, '10, 23:52

Thanks Silv :)
User avatar
Fa-Q
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 8404
Joined: Dec 20th, '08, 21:15

Re: In The Back of My Head ft. Fa-Q

Postby Fa-Q » Mar 1st, '10, 20:01

Bump
User avatar
Fa-Q
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 8404
Joined: Dec 20th, '08, 21:15

Re: In The Back of My Head ft. Fa-Q

Postby Coherent » Mar 1st, '10, 22:32

Fa-Q - Good metaphors and such to describe your feelings in this piece. I'm a little disappointed in the rhyme scheme, I feel it could be better as this is an easy topic to write about. Multies were solid enough and the flow was on point as well. Solid verse.

Fame -
Again, rhyme scheme is kind of blah, expanding your vocab can make this piece 20x better. You didn't do as well describing your feelings as Fa-Q did, you kind of just said it then went on. Try and make the reader feel you and understand where you are coming from and put them in the piece. Do that by increasing detail. Multies were blah, but the flow was still good.


Solid piece, both of you can elevate though.
Coherent
Closet Cleaner
Closet Cleaner
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Feb 27th, '10, 04:18
Gender: Male

Re: In The Back of My Head ft. Fa-Q

Postby Fa-Q » Mar 2nd, '10, 01:25

Thanks coherant :y:
User avatar
Fa-Q
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 8404
Joined: Dec 20th, '08, 21:15

Re: In The Back of My Head ft. Fa-Q

Postby gutawafang » Mar 2nd, '10, 02:42

both of you were on point. I like the title. it fits.

Fa-Q, yours is full of multis. :smoking:

Fame, pretty direct and it's good. rhymes are good.

Overall, worth the read. I enjoyed it man. :worship:
ADD ME ON PS4: gutawafang
Currently playing: Destiny
Image
TR Rap Battle Record: 23-8
User avatar
gutawafang
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9474
Joined: Dec 13th, '07, 08:01
Location: Lion City
Gender: Male

Re: In The Back of My Head ft. Fa-Q

Postby FAME » Mar 2nd, '10, 04:48

Thanks for all the feedback guys! :flower:
User avatar
FAME
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 1087
Joined: Sep 19th, '09, 14:52
Gender: Female

Re: In The Back of My Head ft. Fa-Q

Postby Fa-Q » Mar 2nd, '10, 08:04

Wow thanks Fish and Co., some great positive feedback :D
User avatar
Fa-Q
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 8404
Joined: Dec 20th, '08, 21:15

Re: In The Back of My Head ft. Fa-Q

Postby Tash8 » Mar 2nd, '10, 08:17

not bad guys, not bad...felt the emotion...but uhhh i just had trouble flowing ur lyrics...
User avatar
Tash8
Addict
Addict
 
Posts: 12522
Joined: Feb 19th, '07, 20:04
Gender: Male

Re: In The Back of My Head ft. Fa-Q

Postby Fa-Q » Mar 2nd, '10, 14:45

Thanks Tash :wave:
User avatar
Fa-Q
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 8404
Joined: Dec 20th, '08, 21:15

Re: In The Back of My Head ft. Fa-Q

Postby Fa-Q » Mar 3rd, '10, 00:57

Pumb
User avatar
Fa-Q
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 8404
Joined: Dec 20th, '08, 21:15

Re: In The Back of My Head ft. Fa-Q

Postby Enimee » Mar 3rd, '10, 20:05

i really enjoyed this peice yall both seemed to have put plenty of effort into and Fa-q your verse was ill and FAME i thought urs was equally decent clap clap to both yaall for sure
Image
User avatar
Enimee
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 1687
Joined: Nov 8th, '06, 23:11
Location: Hazard County
Gender: Male

Next

Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users