Is this a good line?

[WakeUpShow]

I haven't written in a while and don't plan on it so I probably won't use this line but I want to know what y'all think.

You can work your whole life but still die dead broke
'Cause in the end, we're all just another notch on life's bedpost

[JamaicanPattlez]

Haha, I liked it! Clever.

[JamaicanPattlez]

Awful, fuckin awful. Don't hang the mic, hang yourself!

[Maybe]

I suppose it's a good line for text, but does it flow properly for you? To me it seems clunky, but content wise it's great, so if it flows, it's good. If it doesn't, it's good, but mainly for text haha.

[WakeUpShow]

yeah i know the flow was off, but did u get the life fucks u meaning?

and Menzo <3

[Kez]

lol this is pretty much what half the lines on my new project are like, so obviously I say it's good.

[EminemBase]

Hmmm...

I feel the second line isn't quite related to the first line or, in the right way... saying "''Cause..." suggests like, hmm, doesn't quite work but yeah nice attempt.

Just a little change needed I think maybe like...

Maybe change 'Cause to and because 'cause sounds like it's a slight explanation to the prior line when the prior line is just a sort of, statement. I'm just being picky though, it's good. Keep it up.