Trimss - Mirrors [Random verse]

[Trimss]

Yup. I loved this beat and thought Lil Wayne ruined it so I tried something..

http://hulkshare.com/87gox97okagj

As I follow the hallows, going into the shadow, *
Following a slow death caused by the sorrow,
with a crashed ego because of a hoe some time ago
I had to borrow a flow to show what's happenin' now
I slowly realise that i've been lonely since my momma gave me birth
since i was placed on earth, but now i feel like it's time to rebirth
Yeah.. Excuse me but I don't wanna go on when I see ..


I thought of Harry Potter and the deathly hallows lmao.


I posted this short verse because I thought it was kinda cool for two things: My accent is getting better, still not that good, and still hard to understand but it's getting better.
And because I love the beat.

So here you go, tell me what you didn't like and what you did like, if you actually liked something lol.

LOF:
viewtopic.php?f=38&t=123924
viewtopic.php?f=38&t=125371
viewtopic.php?f=38&t=125456

[Solace]

Don't try to "fix" your accent. Use it to your advantage. Makes you sound unique. I like it. You were easily understood, don't worry. You have lots of problems staying on beat and structuring your bars. It'll come in time. Make sure the rhyme fits, 'cause you kind of fucked it up here and there. Shadow doesn't rhyme with sorrow. If the flow was purposely done to have the scheme as hallow/sorrow, you didn't pull it off properly. It would've sounded much better if the clauses were switched the way you did it, "Going into the shadow, as I follow the hallows,". Along with that, "ago" doesn't rhyme with "now". "I had to borrow a flow to show what's happenin', yo" would've worked. I mean that's dumb, but it would've worked lol. That line, if the end rhyme was normal, would've been the best flow you had on this. Your quality is dope. Don't forget to enunciate the ending of words, 'cause "Since I was placed on earth" sounds like "Since I was placed unheard/on her".

[Trimss]

Don't try to "fix" your accent. Use it to your advantage. Makes you sound unique. I like it.
You were easily understood, don't worry.

Thanks, my point is to be understood so that's good to hear. I'll do that.

You have lots of problems staying on beat and structuring your bars. It'll come in time. Make sure the rhyme fits, 'cause you kind of fucked it up here and there.

Yep, I don't know how the hell I should stay on beat.. Like, placing a rhyme every 4 drum beat? I don't know how it works tbh.. I still have a lot to learn. I downloaded the how to rap book so I guess I should read it lol.

Shadow doesn't rhyme with sorrow. If the flow was purposely done to have the scheme as hallow/sorrow, you didn't pull it off properly. It would've sounded much better if the clauses were switched the way you did it, "Going into the shadow, as I follow the hallows,". Along with that, "ago" doesn't rhyme with "now". "I had to borrow a flow to show what's happenin', yo" would've worked. I mean that's dumb, but it would've worked lol. That line, if the end rhyme was normal, would've been the best flow you had on this. Your quality is dope. Don't forget to enunciate the ending of words, 'cause "Since I was placed on earth" sounds like "Since I was placed unheard/on her".

Yup, you're right for a lot of things right there. I didn't think of the "yo" so I tried to rhyme it with now, which sounds really bad because "now" doesn't rhyme with it. But that's a thing I still can change.

Yeah I actually enunciated the ending of the words but I cut it during the "mixing" (first time I actually try it) process and couldn't put it no more. Lol that's stupid.

Thanks a lot Solace.

[EG.]

The 'How To Rap' book is really good, it explains things perfectly

[Solace]

Yep, I don't know how the hell I should stay on beat.. Like, placing a rhyme every 4 drum beat? I don't know how it works tbh.. I still have a lot to learn. I downloaded the how to rap book so I guess I should read it lol.

You just make the rhyme at the end of each line hit the snare at the end of each line. And when you get comfortable riding a beat no homo you just differentiate it.

Yup, you're right for a lot of things right there. I didn't think of the "yo" so I tried to rhyme it with now, which sounds really bad because "now" doesn't rhyme with it. But that's a thing I still can change.

Yup

Yeah I actually enunciated the ending of the words but I cut it during the "mixing" (first time I actually try it) process and couldn't put it no more. Lol that's stupid.

Thanks a lot Solace.

I do that too actually, by accident of course and it pisses me off after I listen to the song over and realize it when it's too late lmao. No problem. Keep it up.

[B.A.D.]

Damn, I like your voice... very Omnipresent... Dark, I could see a nice style coming out of it. great for features, expect to get asked for some.

tho, you have to fix the EQ a bit, seems like you boosted high and low freqs too much, sounds a bit disorted. and the vol was a bit too loud aswell.

shame it was too short, but good job non-the less..

salut

[mdemaz]

Never heard you rap before.
It sounds soo fucking...A...Word to describe?
MELLO..Yeah, mello as fuck..

I like anyway.

Weird chorus but your voice made it all good.

[Trimss]

Damn, I like your voice... very Omnipresent... Dark, I could see a nice style coming out of it. great for features, expect to get asked for some.

tho, you have to fix the EQ a bit, seems like you boosted high and low freqs too much, sounds a bit disorted. and the vol was a bit too loud aswell.

shame it was too short, but good job non-the less..

salut

Yo, That's great, because I like dark beats/tracks. I'm down for any type of collab with whoever wants it, I must keep improving!
Thanks that means a lot to me.

I'll try to fix it. thanks for checking it!

Never heard you rap before.
It sounds soo fucking...A...Word to describe?
MELLO..Yeah, mello as fuck..

I like anyway.

Weird chorus but your voice made it all good.

It's because I barely post in here. But I felt like I needed some help, advices so i did it.

I don't know if the mellow thing was a compliment or not, but thanks anyway for checking it.

I appreciate it guys!

[Vettori]

this beat was great, sample was great. Quality is decent i can understand you. Your flow is bad. you need to make your words go together better work on 4 bars at a time till there perfect then move on
Your voice has potential.. Very short for me to judge keep at it