Eedee - "So Lonely" (Prod. by RiseFromTheAshez)

[Eedee]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5oLltfX-I0

LoF: viewtopic.php?f=38&t=140087

Enjoy!

*Written, Performed and Mixed by Eedee
*Produced by RiseFromTheAshez <-- dude made an incredible beat, thanks for letting me use it!!

[Chorus]
I hate this feeling of being so lonely,
Ohhhh, Am I the only,
One to feel this way
or are there others out there who feel this homesick?
I've blown it, she's never comin' back,
Ohhh, this is fuckin' fantastic,
I pushed her away and now she hates me,
On the level with dogs is where she's placed me.

[Verse 1]
I let you in, where you carved a lie,
You sent me through a loop, which is part of why
I fucking hate your life, it's a part of my reason,
Why I wanna just die in the dark, despite treason,
You said you loved me, I fell for it with gusto,
You must've died inside 'cuz your eyes don't tell much
so you just go and fucking rip me apart,
If your love was an iceberg, the tip doesn't start
it wasn't hard to fall for you, I thought you were perfect,
I didn't deserve it but with you it was worth it.
whenever you text me, my heart skipped a beat,
You lifted me up but I just didn't see,
you went and go drop me on a filthy street,
and as you walk away I had tears on my cheeks.
I sat there cryin' for weeks after weeks,
I had dark thoughts, death creeped after me.

Damn, you fuckin' killed me...
What did I do? Where did I do wrong?
You at least owe me that much.

[Chorus abbrev.]
I hate this feeling of being so lonely,
Ohhhh, Am I the only,
One to feel this way
or are there others out there who feel this homesick?

[Verse 2]
I had your heart, I fucking kept it's light,
You sent a hex this time, that's death defined.
You were showing hate, I was flexing my love,
You said you had the best in mind, exit sign above.
You never wanted me did you? onto the next in line,
haunted the nights in my dreams where I checked, it's fine.
I wasn't shit to you, you put me below God,
That doesn't fit the truth, on the level with dogs.
It was almost a year, then you let me go,
Never did get to know why I was put in the scopes.
You always hinted with you I was next to the truth,
You shoved religion down my throat and I accepted it too!
I just wanted to be with you, how fucking hard
is it to accept who I am or move on to another heart?
But you chose to choose me, you said I was important,
didn't know you could lose me, so I'm making this recording!

[Bridge]
You went away...
Didn't get to say...
Love left in me...
Can just rest in peace...

[Verse 3]
You owe it to me, to tell me where I went wrong,
I was your track one and you left on to the next song.
I was cursed, you fuckin' left your hex on,
You made my entire trust of the opposite sex gone.
I'm slowly regaining it, but after what you did,
I could just imagine your laughter, but truth is,
You ruined it, you're lucky I didn't pull a Kim,
We could've been together forever, we should've been,
But your faith blinded you, no use fightin' you,
No denying you, messages sharper than a lion's tooth,
I'm crying, you're gone, I just gotta get over it,
If our relationship was a crashed car, you're flooring it
away from the scene of the crime, I don't blame you,
the games you played left me in shock, I HATE YOU!
I'm so lonely and it's your fault, so thanks for nothing,
We grow only when life is a marathon, the race is coming.

[Scrubz]

The chorus needs a lot of work, not gonna front. Your tone, your key, your tempo, and your flow were all off. Just did not work at all for me structurally from top to bottom up. You gotta be real with yourself when recording and be the judge of what sounds "right" and what doesn't. The mixing wasbad, and so was the over lay effects. Sorry just call it like I see it hommie no disrespect.

Verses. Much better flow, nothing spectacular but pretty consistent. You dont sound all that comfortable and not really giving it you all. Lyrics are alright tho. Mixing was less of an issue but its not sounding clean, a bit muffled. Not a bad 1st and 2nd verse. punch ins were not to bad. I think you need to develop your voice still, but have potential for sure. PRetty good writing in the 3rd verse, flow was tight but your clipping a bit when u yell. Good use of literary devices. Didnt like the ending.

Sorry it was just a mash of notes i took while listen to it. Overall you have potential, you are not a singger... at least not yet. but your writing skills are good. Lucky all the negative things I said can be worked out with just more practice. Just BE CAREFUL when you say "ok this finished, its GOOD ENOUGH" Never settle, because as someone told me "Once its published, it will ALWAYS be out there for people to see and associate you with the piece of work" Keep it up man, Will deff keep checkin your raps.

[Eedee]

The chorus needs a lot of work, not gonna front. Your tone, your key, your tempo, and your flow were all off. Just did not work at all for me structurally from top to bottom up. You gotta be real with yourself when recording and be the judge of what sounds "right" and what doesn't. The mixing wasbad, and so was the over lay effects. Sorry just call it like I see it hommie no disrespect.

Verses. Much better flow, nothing spectacular but pretty consistent. You dont sound all that comfortable and not really giving it you all. Lyrics are alright tho. Mixing was less of an issue but its not sounding clean, a bit muffled. Not a bad 1st and 2nd verse. punch ins were not to bad. I think you need to develop your voice still, but have potential for sure. PRetty good writing in the 3rd verse, flow was tight but your clipping a bit when u yell. Good use of literary devices. Didnt like the ending.

Sorry it was just a mash of notes i took while listen to it. Overall you have potential, you are not a singger... at least not yet. but your writing skills are good. Lucky all the negative things I said can be worked out with just more practice. Just BE CAREFUL when you say "ok this finished, its GOOD ENOUGH" Never settle, because as someone told me "Once its published, it will ALWAYS be out there for people to see and associate you with the piece of work" Keep it up man, Will deff keep checkin your raps.

Thanks, I appreciate the critique. To be honest, I have no experience mixing vocals. I should probably study up more to avoid this type of thing. I appreciate the time you took to do this, every criticism helps. But I am making progress, if you go back and listen to some of my tracks I posted merely a few months ago when I joined, I've come a long way in flowing and rhyming, so I'd like to think I'm on the right track. I have a great producer who does my vocals but he was busy and I just wanted to do something since I haven't wrote in a while so I decided to take this into my own hands.

Question, you said I clipped in the third verse when I was yelling. What does that mean? I could google it, but since you commented on it I'm sure you can explain it better in the context of this exact song better than a website could arbitrarily.

Anyway thanks a lot for the feed, I appreciate it!

[Scrubz]

The chorus needs a lot of work, not gonna front. Your tone, your key, your tempo, and your flow were all off. Just did not work at all for me structurally from top to bottom up. You gotta be real with yourself when recording and be the judge of what sounds "right" and what doesn't. The mixing wasbad, and so was the over lay effects. Sorry just call it like I see it hommie no disrespect.

Verses. Much better flow, nothing spectacular but pretty consistent. You dont sound all that comfortable and not really giving it you all. Lyrics are alright tho. Mixing was less of an issue but its not sounding clean, a bit muffled. Not a bad 1st and 2nd verse. punch ins were not to bad. I think you need to develop your voice still, but have potential for sure. PRetty good writing in the 3rd verse, flow was tight but your clipping a bit when u yell. Good use of literary devices. Didnt like the ending.

Sorry it was just a mash of notes i took while listen to it. Overall you have potential, you are not a singger... at least not yet. but your writing skills are good. Lucky all the negative things I said can be worked out with just more practice. Just BE CAREFUL when you say "ok this finished, its GOOD ENOUGH" Never settle, because as someone told me "Once its published, it will ALWAYS be out there for people to see and associate you with the piece of work" Keep it up man, Will deff keep checkin your raps.

Thanks, I appreciate the critique. To be honest, I have no experience mixing vocals. I should probably study up more to avoid this type of thing. I appreciate the time you took to do this, every criticism helps. But I am making progress, if you go back and listen to some of my tracks I posted merely a few months ago when I joined, I've come a long way in flowing and rhyming, so I'd like to think I'm on the right track. I have a great producer who does my vocals but he was busy and I just wanted to do something since I haven't wrote in a while so I decided to take this into my own hands.

Question, you said I clipped in the third verse when I was yelling. What does that mean? I could google it, but since you commented on it I'm sure you can explain it better in the context of this exact song better than a website could arbitrarily.

Anyway thanks a lot for the feed, I appreciate it!

No problem man! and by clipping i meant your vocals max out so to speak. Or go into the "red" if your looking at you interface. You can 1. turn down the gain or 2.back away from the mic. But the most important thing to do is keep your vocal levels pretty even through out.

[Ticalrecords]

i think you need to work on your intonation and inflection, a lot of times your not saying it right, like with the right amount of anger/whatever emotion your trying to get across. that's your biggest problem no offense. other than that though, it wasn't bad - i liked the lyrics themselves sometimes your flow was a lil off though. the chorus also needs some work, your layering isn't very good. mine isn't either, i'm just saying...

[Scrubz]

Oh and i forgot to add this:

The beat wasn't bad, rise is progressing. Still needs a little work but your deff on your way. OH and if you wouldn't mind checking out my performance! Good looks.

[AbramIsaac]

As has been said, the weakest part was probably the chorus. Your writing has potential, but sometimes you try to cram an extra syllable in and it messes up your flow. Also, I found it odd that you end the hook on "homesick" instead of a one syllable word that would have rhymed with the previous bar. I probably would've went with " the same".

Anyway you just need more practice. Look up some tutorials on mixing for sure. Layering and compressor effects particularly. Keep at it.

[Vettori]

beats pretty cool, not strong quality but was a nice melody.
obviously your quality needs work i found it quiet. Add reverb (a bit) and lower the adlib volumes
I can tell your reading. the song wasnt finished before you recorded it..in terms of editing.
try to avoid making mistakes...A song is forever. Do the best you can always.

I can say though if you stick with this for a while. you will get better.

work on investing in the knowledge required to engineer or getting the right equipment. it isn't hard. i have a 60 dollar mic. Works fine

[Solace]

The chorus was pretty bad, you need to work on how you want to sound while you sing. Definitely stop with the "ohhh" thing lol...Your part before the chorus like "Damn, you killed me", you sound really lazy and your voice was like a scared 5 year old. What happened to the 2nd chorus lol? It cuts off near homesick. I agree with AbramIsaac, "the same" would have worked so much better. Work on the syllables, you cram here and there.

Eg.
Love left in me...
Can just rest in peace...

The "just" ruins the flow.

You are improving Eedee, keep it up.

[Eedee]

Thanks for the feed(s) guys! I was having fun with this track; definitely something I wouldn't release commercially, but as practice and open to critique from all of you!

I hate to be like this, but what did you all think of my verses? I'm trying to get more multis in there with better delivery/flow. That was a weakness of mine a while back, I'd like to think I'm getting better with the rhyming part of this. I'll defo work on the syllable cramming, sometimes it's hard trying to find the right length to say what I wanna say, but it's obviously something I need to work on, therefore I will.
I appreciate the comments guys, thanks so much!

[Tranquil]

Deep song! Wasn't really feeling the hook though, maybe a couple more layers of different delivery could've balded it up and made it sound not so flat(?). The verse's though were good, could tell this is some real shit. Your flow was on point and at points your delivery was pretty much perfect, captured the emotion good in some parts of the song! Good song man, but yeah as I said, if the hook had a bit of a touch up it would be great!


Btw could you possibly feed my song?
viewtopic.php?f=38&t=142810