when i used that beat i did the little "one blooood" thing and got the piss took something awful (it was a joke so that was the point in it lol)
ok uhm, quality..muffled, thats not the mic thats you spitting to close to it (i think) or not projecting your voice...to work on that, stand further away from the mic, if its a hand held mic and you have no stand this will seem awkward for you coz youll think of live performances were the rapers lips touch the mic, totally different mic and set up used when recording than when performing live so you cant hold the mic close to you, to help with projecting....speak clearly and loud but dont shout.. even sing loudly and make sure you aint shouting just somehting to loosen up your vocals chords a bit, and keeps practicing talking clearly, another tip, put a pen in your mouth and speak your verse...that sounds stupid but it helped me a good bit when i was starting out, if you can speak a verse clearly when you have a pen in your mouth your prouncation will end up perfect when you go to spit the verse, i myself stopped doin the technique when i fell away fyom my music a bit but imma start using it again.
you also sounded as if you were reading, its kool to spit with the lyrics infront of you but try not read them try memorize them, if you find it dificult to remember the lyrics then record yourself spitting the verse, put it on repeat and listen to it for a bit and youll emmorize it easily.
flow was alot better than your other stuff, but it still wasnt there, good idea making sure it was simple lyrics coz thats the best way to practice flowing, to try get a better flow just keep writing and spitting to beats, listen to other rappers closely to see how they do it (this is not biting a flow, its just listening to examples to understand how the pro's do it), also make sure you actually like the beat, i know its hard to find instrumentals but if your are rushing and just chose a beat that sounds good but doesnt suit you dont rush it coz its better to make sure you actually like and feel the beat and also understand the structure of it a bit to help with that.
also, dont get into the habit of thinking you need to make and release loads of tracks, lots of people do this at the start (including myself) and ignore the advice of others when they tell them not to, it doesnt help in the long run, if you have aurged to record then to it and if you have recorded 5 tracks in a week choose the one you feel is best and release that for feedback but remember rushing and releasing songs doesnt help at all, its better to spend 2 weeks perfecting one song to make sure youve improved.
on the writing side, make sure you always write, even if its one verse a day just always do it so it becomes natuarly and write about any topic at all just make sute your always writing, listen to non hip hop songs to actually understand song writing then put the hip hop lyrical and flow into it.
thats about it, overall man its an improvement, dont put ya head down and just keep working at it
damn i just judge on couple things...i mean like either u got bad pronouncation and need to speak up....or ur mic recorded that bad that i couldnt understand a word...or u mixed it bad 
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),its impossible to enjoy cuz quality sux alot,but keep doin it and it will be better,good luck