Black and white movies, for instance, are DATED. They are cheesy and lame because they are OLD and DATED and DON'T HOLD UP. Why didn't these dumb directors anticipate color film and television? Why didn't they build a time machine and see how amazing and awesome the world would be in 2013, and put the films out in HD? How am I supposed to enjoy 12 Angry Men if I can't see the mitochondia on Henry Fonda's face? This makes me SO mad.
Why were these directors and producers so stupid?
Because they're immature, that's why.
Eminem needs to mature, and he needs to do several things in order to make sure his music HOLDS UP and stays RELEVANT.
1. He needs to build a time machine.
2. He needs to use the time machine to go forward and analyze which celebrities the media is talking about in 2047. I don't care what it takes, I am tired of listening to Eminem rap about celebrities who are no longer RELEVANT. Every time I hear him say something about Lauryn Hill, I cringe. Lauryn Hill was so late 90s, Em. Look at her hair. Look at her clothes. Lulz.
2. He needs to dress the way people will dress in 2033. Or maybe even 2053. Whenever it is that we finally learn how to dress, that's the time period Eminem needs to like. The way Eminem dressed in 1999-2002 makes it impossible to take him seriously as an artist. Try watching an Eminem performance, and then watch a Lady Gaga performance. Notice how Lady Gaga is dressed more contemporary? Eminem is a cheese ball.
3. Eminem needs to retire his earlier albums. They're just too old, and they haven't aged well. When Eminem performs those arthritic songs from SSLP, MMLP, and TES, it's clear that they just didn't STAND the TEST OF TIME. Sure, they may have been good in 1999-2002, but they're not good anymore, and they'll be even worse in 2073. These albums are cliche. Spinal chord, dinosaur? Way to bite Organik, Em. MMLP is unoriginal.
4. Eminem needs to stop being homophobic. Few people know this, but Adolph Hitler was actually an extremely talented musician. By musician, I mean he made REAL music. He played an instrument and he sang...REAL talent. Anyway, while people couldn't deny his talent, they were disturbed over his shocking, hate-filled lyrics. Hitler had a chance to go down as the voice of a generation, but he just never matured. If Eminem goes the path of Hitler, in 2085, his music will be cheesy. Which brings me to my final point.
5. Eminem needs to learn how to play an instrument and play REAL music. The rap thing was cute for a while, but it's really just talking to a beat. Anyone can do that. It takes major talent to play an instrument, however, and to sing. Eminem needs to mature as an artist and start playing mature music, not that crappy rap stuff. He needs to sing like a God...like singing extraordinaire, Prince. But if he's going to stick to crap, I mean rap, he should at least make mature rap like Lil Wayne, Kanye, and Jay-Z. Nobody wants to hear a 40-year-old man rapping about angst.
I think that's why it's taking Eminem so long to put out his new album. He's maturing and evolving behind the scenes.
bamasweat:
