Neb121 vs MC Anonymous

[neb121]

Who goes first?

[Solace]

Whoever called out goes first.

[neb121]

ok so thats me lol. but mc. u there? i dont think he knows i made this.once he tells me he ready ill go first.

[MC Anonymous]

ready

[neb121]

ok i go first.


I called someone out and you answered
so now ima take you out like cancer
ima chick but i can spit
critics don't hurt me one bit
lyrically ima killer
worse then a horror flick
people think i cant rap cuz ima chick
but im slick
so try me man and you'll see how i am
battle me i got the mic
and you got the pen

i aint a big battler but i tried lol im a better writer.ppl say im good but not as good with the freestyles

[MC Anonymous]

I stay in your mind like ya obsession with CSI
keep my dick in ya mouth as you start to see my thighs
self worshiping with false doctrines and renegades
stay rippin' ya mind's radio with octaves that resonate.
you're weak, when whores speak my skill door creaks
and when I open it all the way I'll stay on that ass like buttcheeks.

[neb121]

^ lmao

and i dont really watch csi
but nice. ok so now people got to vote.

[Solace]

FLOW: MC
STRUCTURE: MC
PUNCHES: MC
MULTIES: MC
RHYMES: MC
VOCAB: MC
COMPLEXITY: MC
NAMEPLAY: Neither
OTHER: Mcs was sick

Sick shit MC

[James R.]

FLOW- Tie (both flowed well)
STRUCTURE- Anon
PUNCHES- Anon
MULTIES- Anon
RHYMES- Anon
VOCAB- Anon
COMPLEXITY- Anon
NAMEPLAY- Neither
WORDPLAY- Anon
PERSONALS- Neither

Ned121 you should structure you spits so that the rhymes end the lines and make sure you're doing your rhymes in couples.

blah blah blah rhyme
blah blah blah rhyme

You see what I mean? You should also avoid rhyming the same words so closely in the same drop. You said chick at least twice. Too many words for girl to let that happen. And you should probably get a little more complex. Get into some multies and start rhyming longer words and you'll get better with that in no time.

Anon took this, but don't look at this as a loss, just take the experience and run with it.

[Solace]

Yeah liek take that example:

I called someone out and you answered
so now ima take you out like cancer
ima chick but i can spit
critics don't hurt me one bit
lyrically ima killer
worse then a horror flick
people think i cant rap cuz ima chick
but im slick
so try me man and you'll see how i am
battle me i got the mic
and you got the pen

Structured and better flow would be like:

I called someone out and now you answered,
So now I'm gunna take you out like cancer,
I'm a chick but I can spit, critics don't hurt me one bit,
Lyrically I'm a killer worse than a horror flick,
People think I can't rap because I'm a chick, <Ruined it imo.
But I'm slick, so try me man and you'll see how I am,
Battle me, I got the mic and you got the pen.

Well i may be wrong but thats how i think it should be if you were to fix it. The lines werent good too, i liked this line tho "Battle me, I got the mic and you got the pen."

[neb121]

thanks for the advice.

i heard from even em saying that you should rhyme a few times in the same line

like
i spit but ima chick
soon ill be rich
a shitty example
but you know what i mean
alot of people have told me rhyming in a row is good too.

but thanks for the advice.

[Solace]

I dont mean thats bad, thats what you should do. Its just like it shouldnt be such a short line, so not

"i spit but ima chick,
so ill be rich"

but it should be like "i spit but ima chick, so ill be rich"

And if you dont get me, just keep doing what your doing, youll find your own way and style

[neb121]

no i got you.

it goes better with the flow when its longer

[James R.]

It's def a good idea to rhyme more often, just make sure you don't duplicate rhymes and you don't sacrifice structure.

[neb121]

okay thanks guys