My family is soooo fucked up right now.

[kiki]

I just need to rant right now.

So my father's father died. He's buried already. I never knew him. Didn't even know his name until I saw it in the paper. My dad said that since my birth they only had contact on Christmas for a couple of minutes. I never got a birthday card or something like that. So I don't really care about the dead man. And with everything that is going on right now, the man must be lucky to be dead.

So my father's mother died shortly after my birth 25 years ago. That's when the contact between my father and his father stopped. My dad says my grandmother was the best and nothing like everyone else in this fucked up family.

Now my father's father had a new wife for 20 or so years. They were never married though.

The wife says she don't wanna pay for the funeral, because she has no money and the dead man had no money either. You gotta understand: that woman was too cheap to put an announcement in the newspaper (we do that here, it's common), one of my dad's sisters did. The dead man had a car but it disappeared from the driveway THE DAY OF HIS DEATH. We found out that the grandchild of the new wife is driving that thing now. Sell the car so you can pay the funeral for God's sake!

Seriously the woman has been with him for 20 years - isn't the least thing she could do pay for his funeral or at least not be a conniving bitch about it? I'd understand her if she really didn't have any money but she does, she's just cheap!

In addition to that my father's 3 sisters are money hungry welfare bitches. My dad is the only one who made it despite of his having close to zero education. He was always a worker and he made it from truck driver to manager instead of collecting welfare cheques. Those three bitches played foul after my dad's mother died and took all the money from the sold house and now they're at it again.

Now my mom keeps saying how retarded they all are and what a hypocritical funeral that was and shit, but isn't she just as hypocritical for showing up to this shitfest?! The best sentence of her recently was: "Now this time you're gonna get your share of the money!". She said that to my dad. If you think this whole family of my dad is fucked up - don't take their money!

They're all a bunch of liars it's disgusting.

/rant

[Stanforever]

These kind of issues are common all around the world in almost every family.why are you mad at your mother?women are always like that.just ignore.you atleast have a family....a lot of people dont.

[kiki]

They're common? Honestly that comment makes me feel like I've been living in a bubble all my life.

I simply disapprove of any kind of double standard behavior. That's how I was raised. Oh wait...was I raised that way or who taught me to think like that? I really just don't get it.

I am mostly mad at my mom, because she usually likes to portray herself as a saint always pointing out everyone else's (including mine) flaws, when she herself simply isn't as great as she wants us to believe.

Yes I have a family and I consider it normal while knowing that other people don't. I don't think this is something that I should compare my siatuation to though.

[Ka0t1c]

it's called a heart and soul, you sir have got them and those traits are uncommon in the devil's playground, i congratulate your efforts at maintaining some kind of bearing thru times like these, there is still hope for us all, keep your head up

[SliK]

That's women for you mate.

edit: just noticed you are a woman, but I stand by that statement.

[BigBoss]

still stand by my own fucking statement too.


everything summed up:

shit happens, yea it sucks. but it'll get better.

[kiki]

@bigboss? Did I miss something?

[HorrezWhite]

I truly applaud you kiki for even having the courage to address how you feel about your family because there are those that are walking around everyday being tormented inside as to how they really and truly feel about their families that they carry a lot of pain and anger around with them daily yet are too scared to express how they feel.I have learned that it is always the strongest person in the family that is not afraid to bring shit to the light while the weaker ones remain silent and are too weak,afraid and scared to speak how they feel out of guilt or being cut off.If expressing your feelings and pain is gonna get you cut of ,then you were already cut off from the get go..Now if you wanna talk about fucked up families well,i got one for you guys.Check this out. Try being raised by a father who is a narcissist slash an abusive wanna be politician.This man made my life a living hell.Yes "a living hell.My mother was in her teens when she gave birth to me and she was married to that man but they got a divorce shortly after she had me.My mother was not a mother to me and i was taken by the courts from my mother and given to my father and he and his moms,that negative witch! I must admit that when it came to buying me things and providing for me my grandmother gets an A+,but when it came to treating me right on a physical,and mental note i give her a fucking 0+.My father was a cheap ass man and very selfish when it came to me.He only did things when it was only beneficial to him.He bought me cheap ass shoes,and he told me that if someone at school basically kicks my ass to run and tell the teacher and if that didn't work run and tell the principal,and if that didn't work tell him and he will talk to their parents.So can you imagine how many times i got beat up in the girls bathroom and on the playground because i was too afraid to defend myself out of fear of getting beat.Yes" my father beat me with a cord,he beat his girlfriends up i saw him do it.All i ever saw him do was hit women and kids.And that kid was me.He beat me for the stupidest things.Such as eating cherries and making them fall off the rods,for eating all the shrimp out of the shrimp fried rice,For not knowing how to do my math.His specialty was slapping you in your mouth or your face. He gave me this title to let me know wgen i was in trouble.It was called the doghouse.Yeah ,he'd tell me you know your in the doghouse.He would sit down to help me with my math homework and i was scared as hell because i knew i was in the doghouse because i was very bad in math and he made me hate math.This man would ask me an answer and i would say i think and before i knew it he slapped me in my mouth and told me to not think! know!...he proceeds to ask me the answer again and i said i don't know so he gets the extension cord and stands me up and beats me and then sits me back down and he asks me the answer again and i gave him the wrong answer and then he stands me up and beats me some more and he does this again and again,time after time until i get the answer.His motto was i was not trying and did not want to learn it.He made me watch 60 minutes on t.v. and i had to do reports on what the show was about.He made me read books and do book reports.He gave me math homework and told me that when he got home from work i had better have the answers.He said to me that the only reason he married my mom was so that i would not be a bastard child.Before he would beat me sometimes he would give me a lecture as to why he feels he should beat me.He would ask me questions about who do i think he is and i would have to recite his full name back to him.And he would ask me do i wanna be barefoot and pregnant like my mom and i would answer him no saying no.I had a journal and i wrote how i really felt inside and he found it and slapped me in the face with it and asked me is this how you talk and i'm thinking to myself WHAT?..This man would beat my ass and then turn around and be nice and then buy me ice cream or take me to the movies or boat riding but then he'd be mean all over again.He never let me hang out with friends,hell i didn't even have any because i was too shy.I wanted to sing and he told me there was more to life than singing.I wanted to dance and he chastised me for about an hour and threatened to beat my ass basically if i did not snap out of it. This man had me so scared to even fart.I was so confused as to what i was and who i was.I was so confused as to what i was supposed to even do,my existence .I was fucked up.My friends thought i was mean because my personality was a mess and i would talk harsh and bully some girls and the strangest thing was that i liked the girls i bullied.I was so terrified of my father that when i turned fourteen i ran away because he threatened to use a two by four stick to beat me with and by then i was fed up,He would tell people not to tell me i was pretty and these people were his associates..WTF! I ran away and became a temporary court ward and he basically said to hell with me and called me a liar,WHAT???? Now my grandmother which is my fathers mother she,she didn't like me because i looked like my mother's twin and therefore i was automatically targeted.Any and everything that i did,or said was compared to my mother.I looked like her and sounded like her to and this is how i was looked at and as far as they were concerned i was my mother.I(me) did not exist because i looked like my mother.My grandmother was mean to me,she called me bitch constantly,she hit me in the head with her work shoe,She treated me different from the rest of my siblings,she called me out of my names,she belittled me, but this is the same woman that said she would die for me,But yet she was killing me spiritually and mentally.I started singing and i went to the apollo then now people started getting nice ,but when i came back empty handed she criticized that too and basically told me to sing for her and said she didn't hear anything that i had done ,but yet i have never ever lost on competition,won money and trophies and had potential.She hated me so much that i had to run away from her too and now i was a permanent award of the state now.I was only 14 years old.I was put into crazy ass group homes,with crazy ass and mentally crazy girls and not to mention perverted and crazy ass staff memebers that picked and chose which girls they did or did not like,I dealt with lazy social workers that were always unavailable,I never received not one clothing order so i basically wore the same clothes over and over again.They allowed other girls to restrain you i ran away from those places and most of the time i was homeless,walking the streets like i was a crackhead or a damn prostitute. Someone that knew my grand mother told her they saw me prostituting.WTF! I was accused of being a crackhead because i was so skinny.I was 5'9 and i weighed 110. I mean what do you expect me to weigh if i was not eating damn! i was hungry,thirsty as hell and dirty and scared. I was taken advantage off by older men and i was subjected to many beatings by these men and subjected to things i never knew existed.But all in all i heard a voice tell me to keep strong,don't give up,don't smoke,don't do drugs and take care of yourself because this is not it.And i did just that.Here i am today never ever been on drugs,still beautiful and still trying to get my messed up life together as far as education wise and its hard,but is not impossible.I have no family and never have.Its just me and my lil three daughters that i cherish and love and protect and i teach and treat them the way i wish i had been treated. Let me just say that i do not believe in family anymore because i have met strangers that treated me better than family,so my definition for family is people that knew you before anybody else knew who you were and they are just people like anybody else and NO! blood is not thicker than water,blood is the same texture as mud and when it all comes down who the fuck will be the last man standing..You or them. Family gives noone the right to freely hurt,inflict,and cause pain just because you say or are so called family.Like i stated the universe is my family,God is my only family and me the universe,God the trees,the dirt everything that is from the ground created by nature that survives from water,dirt,bugs that is my family because these are the things i spent time with when i needed someone.Family can kiss my yellow ass.And i mean this from the bottom of my heart.KISS MY ASSSS! All of you.

[Elision]

edit: but on a more serious note, best of luck

[VenomBlackViper]

:coffee: I truly applaud you kiki for even having the courage to address how you feel about your family because there are those that are walking around everyday being tormented inside as to how they really and truly feel about their families that they carry a lot of pain and anger around with them daily yet are too scared to express how they feel.I have learned that it is always the strongest person in the family that is not afraid to bring shit to the light while the weaker ones remain silent and are too weak,afraid and scared to speak how they feel out of guilt or being cut off.If expressing your feelings and pain is gonna get you cut of ,then you were already cut off from the get go..Now if you wanna talk about fucked up families well,i got one for you guys.Check this out. Try being raised by a father who is a narcissist slash an abusive wanna be politician.This man made my life a living hell.Yes "a living hell.My mother was in her teens when she gave birth to me and she was married to that man but they got a divorce shortly after she had me.My mother was not a mother to me and i was taken by the courts from my mother and given to my father and he and his moms,that negative witch! I must admit that when it came to buying me things and providing for me my grandmother gets an A+,but when it came to treating me right on a physical,and mental note i give her a fucking 0+.My father was a cheap ass man and very selfish when it came to me.He only did things when it was only beneficial to him.He bought me cheap ass shoes,and he told me that if someone at school basically kicks my ass to run and tell the teacher and if that didn't work run and tell the principal,and if that didn't work tell him and he will talk to their parents.So can you imagine how many times i got beat up in the girls bathroom and on the playground because i was too afraid to defend myself out of fear of getting beat.Yes" my father beat me with a cord,he beat his girlfriends up i saw him do it.All i ever saw him do was hit women and kids.And that kid was me.He beat me for the stupidest things.Such as eating cherries and making them fall off the rods,for eating all the shrimp out of the shrimp fried rice,For not knowing how to do my math.His specialty was slapping you in your mouth or your face. He gave me this title to let me know wgen i was in trouble.It was called the doghouse.Yeah ,he'd tell me you know your in the doghouse.He would sit down to help me with my math homework and i was scared as hell because i knew i was in the doghouse because i was very bad in math and he made me hate math.This man would ask me an answer and i would say i think and before i knew it he slapped me in my mouth and told me to not think! know!...he proceeds to ask me the answer again and i said i don't know so he gets the extension cord and stands me up and beats me and then sits me back down and he asks me the answer again and i gave him the wrong answer and then he stands me up and beats me some more and he does this again and again,time after time until i get the answer.His motto was i was not trying and did not want to learn it.He made me watch 60 minutes on t.v. and i had to do reports on what the show was about.He made me read books and do book reports.He gave me math homework and told me that when he got home from work i had better have the answers.He said to me that the only reason he married my mom was so that i would not be a bastard child.Before he would beat me sometimes he would give me a lecture as to why he feels he should beat me.He would ask me questions about who do i think he is and i would have to recite his full name back to him.And he would ask me do i wanna be barefoot and pregnant like my mom and i would answer him no saying no.I had a journal and i wrote how i really felt inside and he found it and slapped me in the face with it and asked me is this how you talk and i'm thinking to myself WHAT?..This man would beat my ass and then turn around and be nice and then buy me ice cream or take me to the movies or boat riding but then he'd be mean all over again.He never let me hang out with friends,hell i didn't even have any because i was too shy.I wanted to sing and he told me there was more to life than singing.I wanted to dance and he chastised me for about an hour and threatened to beat my ass basically if i did not snap out of it. This man had me so scared to even fart.I was so confused as to what i was and who i was.I was so confused as to what i was supposed to even do,my existence .I was fucked up.My friends thought i was mean because my personality was a mess and i would talk harsh and bully some girls and the strangest thing was that i liked the girls i bullied.I was so terrified of my father that when i turned fourteen i ran away because he threatened to use a two by four stick to beat me with and by then i was fed up,He would tell people not to tell me i was pretty and these people were his associates..WTF! I ran away and became a temporary court ward and he basically said to hell with me and called me a liar,WHAT???? Now my grandmother which is my fathers mother she,she didn't like me because i looked like my mother's twin and therefore i was automatically targeted.Any and everything that i did,or said was compared to my mother.I looked like her and sounded like her to and this is how i was looked at and as far as they were concerned i was my mother.I(me) did not exist because i looked like my mother.My grandmother was mean to me,she called me bitch constantly,she hit me in the head with her work shoe,She treated me different from the rest of my siblings,she called me out of my names,she belittled me, but this is the same woman that said she would die for me,But yet she was killing me spiritually and mentally.I started singing and i went to the apollo then now people started getting nice ,but when i came back empty handed she criticized that too and basically told me to sing for her and said she didn't hear anything that i had done ,but yet i have never ever lost on competition,won money and trophies and had potential.She hated me so much that i had to run away from her too and now i was a permanent award of the state now.I was only 14 years old.I was put into crazy ass group homes,with crazy ass and mentally crazy girls and not to mention perverted and crazy ass staff memebers that picked and chose which girls they did or did not like,I dealt with lazy social workers that were always unavailable,I never received not one clothing order so i basically wore the same clothes over and over again.They allowed other girls to restrain you i ran away from those places and most of the time i was homeless,walking the streets like i was a crackhead or a damn prostitute. Someone that knew my grand mother told her they saw me prostituting.WTF! I was accused of being a crackhead because i was so skinny.I was 5'9 and i weighed 110. I mean what do you expect me to weigh if i was not eating damn! i was hungry,thirsty as hell and dirty and scared. I was taken advantage off by older men and i was subjected to many beatings by these men and subjected to things i never knew existed.But all in all i heard a voice tell me to keep strong,don't give up,don't smoke,don't do drugs and take care of yourself because this is not it.And i did just that.Here i am today never ever been on drugs,still beautiful and still trying to get my messed up life together as far as education wise and its hard,but is not impossible.I have no family and never have.Its just me and my lil three daughters that i cherish and love and protect and i teach and treat them the way i wish i had been treated. Let me just say that i do not believe in family anymore because i have met strangers that treated me better than family,so my definition for family is people that knew you before anybody else knew who you were and they are just people like anybody else and NO! blood is not thicker than water,blood is the same texture as mud and when it all comes down who the fuck will be the last man standing..You or them. Family gives noone the right to freely hurt,inflict,and cause pain just because you say or are so called family.Like i stated the universe is my family,God is my only family and me the universe,God the trees,the dirt everything that is from the ground created by nature that survives from water,dirt,bugs that is my family because these are the things i spent time with when i needed someone.Family can kiss my yellow ass.And i mean this from the bottom of my heart.KISS MY ASSSS! All of you.

Daddy issues, huh? Wanna have sex?

[limea]

:coffee: I truly applaud you kiki for even having the courage to address how you feel about your family because there are those that are walking around everyday being tormented inside as to how they really and truly feel about their families that they carry a lot of pain and anger around with them daily yet are too scared to express how they feel.I have learned that it is always the strongest person in the family that is not afraid to bring shit to the light while the weaker ones remain silent and are too weak,afraid and scared to speak how they feel out of guilt or being cut off.If expressing your feelings and pain is gonna get you cut of ,then you were already cut off from the get go..Now if you wanna talk about fucked up families well,i got one for you guys.Check this out. Try being raised by a father who is a narcissist slash an abusive wanna be politician.This man made my life a living hell.Yes "a living hell.My mother was in her teens when she gave birth to me and she was married to that man but they got a divorce shortly after she had me.My mother was not a mother to me and i was taken by the courts from my mother and given to my father and he and his moms,that negative witch! I must admit that when it came to buying me things and providing for me my grandmother gets an A+,but when it came to treating me right on a physical,and mental note i give her a fucking 0+.My father was a cheap ass man and very selfish when it came to me.He only did things when it was only beneficial to him.He bought me cheap ass shoes,and he told me that if someone at school basically kicks my ass to run and tell the teacher and if that didn't work run and tell the principal,and if that didn't work tell him and he will talk to their parents.So can you imagine how many times i got beat up in the girls bathroom and on the playground because i was too afraid to defend myself out of fear of getting beat.Yes" my father beat me with a cord,he beat his girlfriends up i saw him do it.All i ever saw him do was hit women and kids.And that kid was me.He beat me for the stupidest things.Such as eating cherries and making them fall off the rods,for eating all the shrimp out of the shrimp fried rice,For not knowing how to do my math.His specialty was slapping you in your mouth or your face. He gave me this title to let me know wgen i was in trouble.It was called the doghouse.Yeah ,he'd tell me you know your in the doghouse.He would sit down to help me with my math homework and i was scared as hell because i knew i was in the doghouse because i was very bad in math and he made me hate math.This man would ask me an answer and i would say i think and before i knew it he slapped me in my mouth and told me to not think! know!...he proceeds to ask me the answer again and i said i don't know so he gets the extension cord and stands me up and beats me and then sits me back down and he asks me the answer again and i gave him the wrong answer and then he stands me up and beats me some more and he does this again and again,time after time until i get the answer.His motto was i was not trying and did not want to learn it.He made me watch 60 minutes on t.v. and i had to do reports on what the show was about.He made me read books and do book reports.He gave me math homework and told me that when he got home from work i had better have the answers.He said to me that the only reason he married my mom was so that i would not be a bastard child.Before he would beat me sometimes he would give me a lecture as to why he feels he should beat me.He would ask me questions about who do i think he is and i would have to recite his full name back to him.And he would ask me do i wanna be barefoot and pregnant like my mom and i would answer him no saying no.I had a journal and i wrote how i really felt inside and he found it and slapped me in the face with it and asked me is this how you talk and i'm thinking to myself WHAT?..This man would beat my ass and then turn around and be nice and then buy me ice cream or take me to the movies or boat riding but then he'd be mean all over again.He never let me hang out with friends,hell i didn't even have any because i was too shy.I wanted to sing and he told me there was more to life than singing.I wanted to dance and he chastised me for about an hour and threatened to beat my ass basically if i did not snap out of it. This man had me so scared to even fart.I was so confused as to what i was and who i was.I was so confused as to what i was supposed to even do,my existence .I was fucked up.My friends thought i was mean because my personality was a mess and i would talk harsh and bully some girls and the strangest thing was that i liked the girls i bullied.I was so terrified of my father that when i turned fourteen i ran away because he threatened to use a two by four stick to beat me with and by then i was fed up,He would tell people not to tell me i was pretty and these people were his associates..WTF! I ran away and became a temporary court ward and he basically said to hell with me and called me a liar,WHAT???? Now my grandmother which is my fathers mother she,she didn't like me because i looked like my mother's twin and therefore i was automatically targeted.Any and everything that i did,or said was compared to my mother.I looked like her and sounded like her to and this is how i was looked at and as far as they were concerned i was my mother.I(me) did not exist because i looked like my mother.My grandmother was mean to me,she called me bitch constantly,she hit me in the head with her work shoe,She treated me different from the rest of my siblings,she called me out of my names,she belittled me, but this is the same woman that said she would die for me,But yet she was killing me spiritually and mentally.I started singing and i went to the apollo then now people started getting nice ,but when i came back empty handed she criticized that too and basically told me to sing for her and said she didn't hear anything that i had done ,but yet i have never ever lost on competition,won money and trophies and had potential.She hated me so much that i had to run away from her too and now i was a permanent award of the state now.I was only 14 years old.I was put into crazy ass group homes,with crazy ass and mentally crazy girls and not to mention perverted and crazy ass staff memebers that picked and chose which girls they did or did not like,I dealt with lazy social workers that were always unavailable,I never received not one clothing order so i basically wore the same clothes over and over again.They allowed other girls to restrain you i ran away from those places and most of the time i was homeless,walking the streets like i was a crackhead or a damn prostitute. Someone that knew my grand mother told her they saw me prostituting.WTF! I was accused of being a crackhead because i was so skinny.I was 5'9 and i weighed 110. I mean what do you expect me to weigh if i was not eating damn! i was hungry,thirsty as hell and dirty and scared. I was taken advantage off by older men and i was subjected to many beatings by these men and subjected to things i never knew existed.But all in all i heard a voice tell me to keep strong,don't give up,don't smoke,don't do drugs and take care of yourself because this is not it.And i did just that.Here i am today never ever been on drugs,still beautiful and still trying to get my messed up life together as far as education wise and its hard,but is not impossible.I have no family and never have.Its just me and my lil three daughters that i cherish and love and protect and i teach and treat them the way i wish i had been treated. Let me just say that i do not believe in family anymore because i have met strangers that treated me better than family,so my definition for family is people that knew you before anybody else knew who you were and they are just people like anybody else and NO! blood is not thicker than water,blood is the same texture as mud and when it all comes down who the fuck will be the last man standing..You or them. Family gives noone the right to freely hurt,inflict,and cause pain just because you say or are so called family.Like i stated the universe is my family,God is my only family and me the universe,God the trees,the dirt everything that is from the ground created by nature that survives from water,dirt,bugs that is my family because these are the things i spent time with when i needed someone.Family can kiss my yellow ass.And i mean this from the bottom of my heart.KISS MY ASSSS! All of you.

Use paragraphs, sweety. Paragraphs.

[VenomBlackViper]

:coffee: I truly applaud you kiki for even having the courage to address how you feel about your family because there are those that are walking around everyday being tormented inside as to how they really and truly feel about their families that they carry a lot of pain and anger around with them daily yet are too scared to express how they feel.I have learned that it is always the strongest person in the family that is not afraid to bring shit to the light while the weaker ones remain silent and are too weak,afraid and scared to speak how they feel out of guilt or being cut off.If expressing your feelings and pain is gonna get you cut of ,then you were already cut off from the get go..Now if you wanna talk about fucked up families well,i got one for you guys.Check this out. Try being raised by a father who is a narcissist slash an abusive wanna be politician.This man made my life a living hell.Yes "a living hell.My mother was in her teens when she gave birth to me and she was married to that man but they got a divorce shortly after she had me.My mother was not a mother to me and i was taken by the courts from my mother and given to my father and he and his moms,that negative witch! I must admit that when it came to buying me things and providing for me my grandmother gets an A+,but when it came to treating me right on a physical,and mental note i give her a fucking 0+.My father was a cheap ass man and very selfish when it came to me.He only did things when it was only beneficial to him.He bought me cheap ass shoes,and he told me that if someone at school basically kicks my ass to run and tell the teacher and if that didn't work run and tell the principal,and if that didn't work tell him and he will talk to their parents.So can you imagine how many times i got beat up in the girls bathroom and on the playground because i was too afraid to defend myself out of fear of getting beat.Yes" my father beat me with a cord,he beat his girlfriends up i saw him do it.All i ever saw him do was hit women and kids.And that kid was me.He beat me for the stupidest things.Such as eating cherries and making them fall off the rods,for eating all the shrimp out of the shrimp fried rice,For not knowing how to do my math.His specialty was slapping you in your mouth or your face. He gave me this title to let me know wgen i was in trouble.It was called the doghouse.Yeah ,he'd tell me you know your in the doghouse.He would sit down to help me with my math homework and i was scared as hell because i knew i was in the doghouse because i was very bad in math and he made me hate math.This man would ask me an answer and i would say i think and before i knew it he slapped me in my mouth and told me to not think! know!...he proceeds to ask me the answer again and i said i don't know so he gets the extension cord and stands me up and beats me and then sits me back down and he asks me the answer again and i gave him the wrong answer and then he stands me up and beats me some more and he does this again and again,time after time until i get the answer.His motto was i was not trying and did not want to learn it.He made me watch 60 minutes on t.v. and i had to do reports on what the show was about.He made me read books and do book reports.He gave me math homework and told me that when he got home from work i had better have the answers.He said to me that the only reason he married my mom was so that i would not be a bastard child.Before he would beat me sometimes he would give me a lecture as to why he feels he should beat me.He would ask me questions about who do i think he is and i would have to recite his full name back to him.And he would ask me do i wanna be barefoot and pregnant like my mom and i would answer him no saying no.I had a journal and i wrote how i really felt inside and he found it and slapped me in the face with it and asked me is this how you talk and i'm thinking to myself WHAT?..This man would beat my ass and then turn around and be nice and then buy me ice cream or take me to the movies or boat riding but then he'd be mean all over again.He never let me hang out with friends,hell i didn't even have any because i was too shy.I wanted to sing and he told me there was more to life than singing.I wanted to dance and he chastised me for about an hour and threatened to beat my ass basically if i did not snap out of it. This man had me so scared to even fart.I was so confused as to what i was and who i was.I was so confused as to what i was supposed to even do,my existence .I was fucked up.My friends thought i was mean because my personality was a mess and i would talk harsh and bully some girls and the strangest thing was that i liked the girls i bullied.I was so terrified of my father that when i turned fourteen i ran away because he threatened to use a two by four stick to beat me with and by then i was fed up,He would tell people not to tell me i was pretty and these people were his associates..WTF! I ran away and became a temporary court ward and he basically said to hell with me and called me a liar,WHAT???? Now my grandmother which is my fathers mother she,she didn't like me because i looked like my mother's twin and therefore i was automatically targeted.Any and everything that i did,or said was compared to my mother.I looked like her and sounded like her to and this is how i was looked at and as far as they were concerned i was my mother.I(me) did not exist because i looked like my mother.My grandmother was mean to me,she called me bitch constantly,she hit me in the head with her work shoe,She treated me different from the rest of my siblings,she called me out of my names,she belittled me, but this is the same woman that said she would die for me,But yet she was killing me spiritually and mentally.I started singing and i went to the apollo then now people started getting nice ,but when i came back empty handed she criticized that too and basically told me to sing for her and said she didn't hear anything that i had done ,but yet i have never ever lost on competition,won money and trophies and had potential.She hated me so much that i had to run away from her too and now i was a permanent award of the state now.I was only 14 years old.I was put into crazy ass group homes,with crazy ass and mentally crazy girls and not to mention perverted and crazy ass staff memebers that picked and chose which girls they did or did not like,I dealt with lazy social workers that were always unavailable,I never received not one clothing order so i basically wore the same clothes over and over again.They allowed other girls to restrain you i ran away from those places and most of the time i was homeless,walking the streets like i was a crackhead or a damn prostitute. Someone that knew my grand mother told her they saw me prostituting.WTF! I was accused of being a crackhead because i was so skinny.I was 5'9 and i weighed 110. I mean what do you expect me to weigh if i was not eating damn! i was hungry,thirsty as hell and dirty and scared. I was taken advantage off by older men and i was subjected to many beatings by these men and subjected to things i never knew existed.But all in all i heard a voice tell me to keep strong,don't give up,don't smoke,don't do drugs and take care of yourself because this is not it.And i did just that.Here i am today never ever been on drugs,still beautiful and still trying to get my messed up life together as far as education wise and its hard,but is not impossible.I have no family and never have.Its just me and my lil three daughters that i cherish and love and protect and i teach and treat them the way i wish i had been treated. Let me just say that i do not believe in family anymore because i have met strangers that treated me better than family,so my definition for family is people that knew you before anybody else knew who you were and they are just people like anybody else and NO! blood is not thicker than water,blood is the same texture as mud and when it all comes down who the fuck will be the last man standing..You or them. Family gives noone the right to freely hurt,inflict,and cause pain just because you say or are so called family.Like i stated the universe is my family,God is my only family and me the universe,God the trees,the dirt everything that is from the ground created by nature that survives from water,dirt,bugs that is my family because these are the things i spent time with when i needed someone.Family can kiss my yellow ass.And i mean this from the bottom of my heart.KISS MY ASSSS! All of you.

Daddy issues, huh? Wanna have sex?

Ew, never mind Michelle Obama. I take that back after seeing this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhbH3TKixWI

[lakewaking]

its not where u come from, its where ur goin. thats what counts