Fa-Q - Letter To God (Revised Chorus)

[Fa-Q]

Well since everyone hated the last line of the chorus (including me) I rewrote it...hope you guys enjoy it better...and I wrote the first verse to the "Fuck God, Fuck Satan" verse with Gravedancers...and it gave me an idea and I just kept writing. I wanted to rewrite that verse but meh...anyways enhoy


God, what are you doing right, sittin up in heaven, pickin on us ants,
With a magnifying glass, like I'm the devil, and you're pickin the dance,
Like you and I are wrestling, one on one, and you're strict with the stance,
My sisters, back just won't heal, I won't tell on you, you know I don't squeal,
I'm tired of it, what have I done, or more like what have not done,
Like you're fishin for none believers, well guess what, you caught one,
Yet I want to scream, from the mountain tops,
Sleepless nights, hoping the sheep countin' stops,
I've plantin my soul, and I know they're amountin' to crops,
I ask "Where did I get these golden locks of hair,"
I feel like you're soarin', and I'm under a hawks glair,
Tip toeing on embers in hell, knowing the devil, walks there,
I kinda feel like Biggie, left, under Tupacs stair,
So in this prayer, I have to ask, with me, what next God,
how can I feel, your job with me, I'm under a hex to applaud,
Can you cast me from heaven, or throw me to hell,
Poke fun of me in front of angels, at show in tell,
Send me to fire and brimstone, besides I know it well,

Here I sit, wonderin if he's telling the truth, or if God lied,
Wonderin, will I go the straight and narrow, or broad and wide,
Should I pray, or tell God that I'm all good today,
Or will this letter to God, expose a fraud,

I hope you know, this letter, won't have a return address,
Should I say to you, anger, I learned from the best,
I'll break all the stain glass windows of you, then burn the rest,
But my hearts straying away from you, like I turned my chest,
So tell me, Lord of Lords, hows the King of Kings,
I looked for you, explored bored, now am I seein things,
So if I burn the Bible, without even learning the title,
Or learning the title, by the flames on the burning Bible,
Or read of you, and your brutal death, just to discern my rival,
Or should I read this Bible, and see you earned your survival,
Or should I learn your vital, something more, that there is a bigger picture,
See this anger and angst toward you, is strange, but I figure the mixture,
Is because my back is turned to you, I've allowed my spine to flex,
Its Hell on earth, am I supposed to think cloud nine is next,
With all your angels, there you sit on cloud nine,
So tell me, I gave you my time, am I ever allowed mine,

Here I sit, wonderin if he's telling the truth, or if God lied,
Wonderin, will I go the straight and narrow, or broad and wide,
Should I pray, or tell God that I'm all good today,
Or will this letter to God, expose a fraud,

So tell me, Lord, when you'll judge, and give the world genocide,
Then I'll know, when to face you, and know not when to hide,
And I'll I know, my downfall is, once again pride,
I cuss and lied, so I guess my burning heels are justified,
But I mus'ent hide, I gotta be like sand, and trust the tide,
My mentals metal, but the rust tried, to pry in, where my lust died,
I have to find my old self, yeah, that's the dust side,
I want to trust in you, and try to prove the dollar bill,
Even with you on my shoulders, I feel taller still,
So every night, should I kneel, before my bed, and explore my head,
Of the doubt of you, and say the straight and narrow is a chore to tread,
Should I, never doubt your name, will it amount to shame,
Will I sit in hell, fittin in well, with another sly demon,
And my demons, restin on my pillow, that smothers my screamin,
Or will I live with you, I need these questions,
To please be answered, to freeze my guessin,
I'll try my best to please you God, but my knees hurt,
So hopefully I pray to you, until I please the dirt,

Here I sit, wonderin if he's telling the truth, or if God lied,
Wonderin, will I go the straight and narrow, or broad and wide,
Should I pray, or tell God that I'm all good today,
Or will this letter to God, expose a fraud,

[Fa-Q]

Bump

[2sDay]

I didn't read the first chorus but I can't honestly say this was a good chorus.....

Like you and I are wrestling, one on one, and you're strict with the stance,
My sisters, back just won't heal, I won't tell on you, you know I don't squeal,

This bar didn't rhyme^^

Great rhyme scheme, good vocab, the multies were there like always, I like your poetic type of writing it's entertaining... and I also like the emotion behind this I can really feel it.
Overall: 8/10

[Fa-Q]

Thanks tuesday

[Fa-Q]

So is the chorus better yall?