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Fa-Q - R.E.M.brandt's Dreams (cool rhyming scheme)

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Fa-Q - R.E.M.brandt's Dreams (cool rhyming scheme)

Postby Fa-Q » Jan 19th, '10, 07:11

Well I tried something different with the rhyming scheme...and with the beat I use its goddamn perfect...this song may seem a bit odd but just give it a chance...enjoy :)


All I do is scream at night, whatever I do I seem to fight,
And as I try to tell the sheep, "why are you here,"
Realizing I already fell asleep, I'm the grim reaper,
I'm a sin sleeper, so I guess I've got Hell to keep,
I fall deeper and deeper into a deep slumper, I leap,
Like the goats, there's just too many to number the sheep,
My pillow case, is my gateway to my nightmares,
Either that or my dreams, leave me drunk without lite beers,
And when I wake my sight clears, my sweaty hands,
Read left to right, and my right fears, when I rest my head,
Dream, then write what I see, my pencil tests the lead,
Its just my way I confess to the dead, or are their eyes just shut,
My mental is metal, unless my skin gets a rust cut,
I have lust but, Its like I fight in wonder land,
I awake, in a daze, knowing I never had slumber planned,
No matter what goes on, I'm just trying to understand,
Why each one of my heavy blankets bind my feet,
I've had one good nights sleep, I'm just trying to repeat,
My blankets burn me, I'm just lying in heat,
My eyelids inprison, even my shaky blue eyes,
Please don't disturb, I'll awake in new skies,


Close your eyes, why wontchu and rise and shine,
My eyes are blury, slowly awaken as each tries to find,
The blue in them knows the skies are mine,
But my body, unconscience, lies in a bind,
To dream or not to dream, I whisper, even though I've got a lot to scream,
I live a painters dream, but have a sculpter nightmares,
As each night I sleep, and just try to fight tears,
(As each night I sleep, and just try to fight tears,)


When ever I sleep, its like I'm sincere, cause sins here,
I dream of evil things, and my face always has grins smeared,
I'm swimming in blood, drowned cause my fins dissappeared,
I lost them both, like I have all my wins cleared,
I fall asleep with a buzz, and wake up with bed head,
My blood is blue in my veins, but it bled red,
And I knew my brains, are outta control,
Like my hands are glued to reigns, my bed is wet,
Like I was nude in rains, have you heard what said yet,
I fall asleep a boy, wake up a man, take up a stand,
Like my life was in shambles, and I shake up my plan,
I can't understand myself, because of my rambles,
Flirtin with death each night, I guess my mind does gamble,
My breath is light, (pause)
My freezing tracks, I jump past them, yet I'm teasing cracks,
Yet to all the remaining mothers, I'm pleasing their backs,
So if I ask a sculpter, and maybe I call an artist,
And ask when you hit a brick wall, who falls the hardest,
We are all artists, dreams black, try to paint a picture,
Hit a fall, in a crowd don't fit at all, now I faint cause the bricks hurt,


Close your eyes, why wontchu and rise and shine,
My eyes are blury, slowly awaken as each tries to find,
The blue in them knows the skies are mine,
But my body, unconscience, lies in a bind,
To dream or not to dream, I whisper, even though I've got a lot to scream,
I live a painters dream, but have a sculpter nightmares,
As each night I sleep, and just try to fight tears,
(As each night I sleep, and just try to fight tears,)


Underneath all the blankets, yet I still shiver,
Drinkin to sleep, not just to kill my liver,
Cupid shoots a arrow to the heart, but will the quiver,
Put a damper on my hopes, do I smoke it away,
My soul, I've got a sleeping pill to give her,
I hope I just awoke in the day, or choke when I pray,
Kneeling before my bed, and explore my head,
No matter how much you soak it today, the carpet is more red,
Is this a dream of suicide, the true artists are too few to hide,
All of you Rembrandts and Michaelangelos, that do confide,
Share just to make sure your candle glows,
Make sure whoever steals your art, that the vandal knows,
And he should make sure he feels your heart,
And peels the part, that you put into your masterpiece,
So maybe if he knows, that particular bastard'll cease,
Or at least, maybe he'll just ask "fer yer" lease,


Close your eyes, why wontchu and rise and shine,
My eyes are blury, slowly awaken as each tries to find,
The blue in them knows the skies are mine,
But my body, unconscience, lies in a bind,
To dream or not to dream, I whisper, even though I've got a lot to scream,
I live a painters dream, but have a sculpter nightmares,
As each night I sleep, and just try to fight tears,
(As each night I sleep, and just try to fight tears,)
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Re: Fa-Q - R.E.M.brandt's Dreams (cool rhyming scheme)

Postby Fa-Q » Jan 19th, '10, 13:17

Pmub
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Re: Fa-Q - R.E.M.brandt's Dreams (cool rhyming scheme)

Postby Yah-hah » Jan 19th, '10, 15:03

I liked it rhyme scheme was different but the imagery was on damn point
Image

"Red hand I use to reach deep in my dark quiver,
Arrow so big the fuckin bones in ya arm splinter
Fuckin crazy I'll stick my hand throgh ya hearts center,
With sharp scissors the words Native Pride gets carved in her,
"-Yah-hah

Trimss wrote:Your dog is cute, your tattoo fucking rocks, you can fight and your baby have a big dick.
Your life is cool bro lol :y:


Nundea Mekeze comin soon May 4th
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Re: Fa-Q - R.E.M.brandt's Dreams (cool rhyming scheme)

Postby Fa-Q » Jan 19th, '10, 21:40

Thanks Jus
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Re: Fa-Q - R.E.M.brandt's Dreams (cool rhyming scheme)

Postby mcZu » Jan 19th, '10, 23:01

Love the title, Rapid Eye Movement/REMBrandt's Dreams, genius.

That said, I like the rhyme scheme, it's fresh and keeps the flow interesting through out the whole song. Imagery is great, love how you threw in art and utilized that to express what you wanted to say.
Nice job, keep it up.
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Re: Fa-Q - R.E.M.brandt's Dreams (cool rhyming scheme)

Postby Fa-Q » Jan 20th, '10, 02:49

Wow...thanks a lot Zu...yea I foreal foreal love the name...:) good looking out Zu
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Re: Fa-Q - R.E.M.brandt's Dreams (cool rhyming scheme)

Postby Fa-Q » Jan 20th, '10, 04:59

Bum-pay
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Re: Fa-Q - R.E.M.brandt's Dreams (cool rhyming scheme)

Postby Yah-hah » Jan 20th, '10, 05:19

Yeah dude the name is so ill
Image

"Red hand I use to reach deep in my dark quiver,
Arrow so big the fuckin bones in ya arm splinter
Fuckin crazy I'll stick my hand throgh ya hearts center,
With sharp scissors the words Native Pride gets carved in her,
"-Yah-hah

Trimss wrote:Your dog is cute, your tattoo fucking rocks, you can fight and your baby have a big dick.
Your life is cool bro lol :y:


Nundea Mekeze comin soon May 4th
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Re: Fa-Q - R.E.M.brandt's Dreams (cool rhyming scheme)

Postby Most-Hated » Jan 20th, '10, 05:23

Cool topic...

I like the creativeness of it all. But the rhymes are preety average in a way...

I do like the scheme and preety much the overall feel of the lyrics, so your on the right track with this one, freind :y:
she takes me on a journey, to a place called hell,
she showed where she stays, she show me where she dwells,
theres an errie saddness, commin from the room,
its as if its a funeral, but were all doomed,
death all around, but i feel more comfort,
blood rained skies, you could say im covered,
the feelin from her, is like no other
dont wanna say it, but the demon i love her
,
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Re: Fa-Q - R.E.M.brandt's Dreams (cool rhyming scheme)

Postby Fa-Q » Jan 20th, '10, 07:38

Thanks Jus and Most hated
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Re: Fa-Q - R.E.M.brandt's Dreams (cool rhyming scheme)

Postby Fa-Q » Jan 20th, '10, 21:53

The final bump...I swear
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Re: Fa-Q - R.E.M.brandt's Dreams (cool rhyming scheme)

Postby Just Silver » Jan 20th, '10, 21:57

very different could see the scheme didnt work on point but did its job bringing vivid words

i like your older style tho :sweating:
just MY O
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Re: Fa-Q - R.E.M.brandt's Dreams (cool rhyming scheme)

Postby Fa-Q » Jan 21st, '10, 04:37

Thanks Silver
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Re: Fa-Q - R.E.M.brandt's Dreams (cool rhyming scheme)

Postby 2sDay » Jan 21st, '10, 05:22

great as always..... i like the new rhyme scheme a lot though :flower:
As always you had multis(not as much as always though) good vocab, and like most hated said the rhymes were pretty average.... but
Overall: 7.5/10 :flower:
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Re: Fa-Q - R.E.M.brandt's Dreams (cool rhyming scheme)

Postby Fa-Q » Jan 21st, '10, 05:59

Thanks Tuesday....well I thought I really delved deep in the lyrics/multis/and vocab....but your opinion...thanks for the feed...
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