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The Realness

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The Realness

Postby Just Silver » Jan 23rd, '10, 02:06

Ill will stay fortunate blessing the beats
you dudes stay supporting "Sesame Street"
you are less than the weak, closet bound to come out
i throw "numbers" at you now your "Down for the Count"
the reason for it ,most of the teachers are horrid
of the rap game ,and your damn Ipod stores it
im talking when kid be like that guy tore it
but really didnt say anything of importance
but i stay true and triumph, while you stay glued to the latest lineup
the greatest "windups", that just "toy" with fame
until a real rapper comes and destroys his name
their just another brick straight up Floyd
listen to tougher shit they just paid up voids
wheres the real talk like the Army of P
scared and cant walk probably cause me
i paraphrase paraplegic poems you see
these dare to break handle breaks, "sharpness" cut your bones for free
i just love how rap gets thrown around
till anyone with a simile is dope in town
but time to "expose" these "clowns" in the first place
and i aint talking about a little kids birthday
im rambling about killing scarf wearers per day
until they "hang up" the mic im staying "collected"
praise the respected no jewels on a necklace
so out-rule the infected, of broadcasting the message
of "no diamond shining then you were neglected".
so i keep rhyming with my mind as my weapon
the shit don't go off at a metal detection
im brave keep repping keep everyone guessing
what hes gonna do because he aint like them other dudes
he will spit something true right in front of you
none of those oh shit wait i need a blunt or two
and really be texting his bitch ass writer dude
so to just keep this short and sweet
if you need some real shit report to me.
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Re: The Realness

Postby Jambi » Jan 23rd, '10, 03:12

dope piece Silver
i saw some alright wordplay in there throughout the piece :y:
multies were good
flow was good

everything was good, nothing stood out but it was nice and sound :b:
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some say the darker the berry, the sweeter the juice
i say the darker the flesh than the deeper the roots - 2pac
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Re: The Realness

Postby Just Silver » Jan 23rd, '10, 03:20

Jambi wrote:dope piece Silver
i saw some alright wordplay in there throughout the piece :y:
multies were good
flow was good

everything was good, nothing stood out but it was nice and sound :b:

thanks guy for the feed do u write ?
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Re: The Realness

Postby classthe_king » Jan 23rd, '10, 04:05

Your deffinately getting better, and the rhymes are there, but nothing you wrote stands out. I could see you trying to mess with wordplay a little bit but you didn't really hit hard with it. Rhymes were alright, i saw some internal multis but you need to try and work on expanding your rhyming. Flow was good most of the time although i don't know why you add those random lines that like doubled all the rest. Just make it a new line. You need to work on staying on topic too. You seemed like you were just throwing out random lines that didn't really connect to eachother too much. No hate, im just givin you some stuff to work on.
You think your personal attacks make up for what you lack?
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Re: The Realness

Postby Just Silver » Jan 23rd, '10, 04:11

classthe_king wrote:Your deffinately getting better, and the rhymes are there, but nothing you wrote stands out. I could see you trying to mess with wordplay a little bit but you didn't really hit hard with it. Rhymes were alright, i saw some internal multis but you need to try and work on expanding your rhyming. Flow was good most of the time although i don't know why you add those random lines that like doubled all the rest. Just make it a new line. You need to work on staying on topic too. You seemed like you were just throwing out random lines that didn't really connect to eachother too much. No hate, im just givin you some stuff to work on.

this was me trying not to go multi crazy like usual plus it was an off the top key except for the wordplay which i usually think of while im half asleep as for topic i feel i was mostly like 90 percent
hard hittin criticism gotta have it some time :sweating: :'(
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