Confession

[xariuss]

This is it, I hate it
what do I hate? hatred
always faced with
another task, got as much regret as a mother has
when her other half
leaves for a better half
growin up in a house that was a broken home
when daddy was all alone
with mum he would choke her throat
one day he broke her nose
slit her wrist and over-dosed
i felt all alone, thrown into a nervous zone
never escaped it, enveloped by hatred
i'm at a state-which is stabilized by mate-ship
is it fate that covers me with plate when
i need armor to disarm this threat that hates me
wants to see me in the ground bruised and not breath-in
come and help me mum save me from this mean men
save me from this demon that always seems to beam in
when he senses negativity and makes me not believe in
myself and and i and my whole family
dunno who it is, do you know who the man i'll be
please don't funnel me, i'm done please don't tunnel me
i just want the money to be done and have fun ya see...

just thought i'd write something, i haven't for a while but I'm on UNI break atm and thought i'd give it a go

Thanks to anyone who reads it.

[gutawafang]

It's not a rap here rite?

Well, the structure is not good. I think it does not flow so good man. But the semi-multis are good. Vocab is good.

[xariuss]

depends on how you read it I suppose, the lines flow onto each other so if you're reading it line for line pause by pause then it won't flow.

[Yah-hah]

I flowed with it pretty good. I dig it man, more of a poetic piece I dig it man, wanna see wat else you can come up

[xariuss]

bump, any more feedback :P ?