This Is My Shit

[peoplz_champ]

When I Put My Skills To The Test,
Nobody Here Would Wanna Mess,
I Fucked Your Momma So Hard That She Became A Transvestite,
You Know My Shit's Tight, I Wouldn't Want You To Try & Fight,
You'll Be Dead N The Center Like That Nigga Mike,
I Called Your Momma A Dyke & She Thinks Thats The Way To Roc The Mic,
Now She Is Holding That Mic Like She Won A Award, I'm In Chillin In The Audience Somebody Just Screamed Out You WHORE!, So She Went In The Audience And Tore Off That Nigga's Little Whore Of A Girl That's A Friend,
Now She's Arrested Up N The Pen, Doing Life, That Shit Ain't Right All She Was Doing Was Fighting For Her legal Rights.
Now It's Time To End It, But Just Remember Who Said If First, I Could Make You Look Like A Bitch Wearing A Purse.



I'dk What Yah'll Think ?

[Emadyville]

Seems like you're a beginner and kinda writing from shit you hear in ems shit, and bizarre actually with that transvestite line.

this belongs in creative writing section btw

welcome to the forum, go introduce yourself in the And You Are section

[peoplz_champ]

Seems like you're a beginner and kinda writing from shit you hear in ems shit, and bizarre actually with that transvestite line.

this belongs in creative writing section btw

welcome to the forum, go introduce yourself in the And You Are section

Yeah i'm a beginner, but thanks for the reply, I'll go introduce myself.

[Edge]

whats up my man

im going to be honest so that you can build... it seemed very basic... work on the multis and structure so that itl flow better... and just do you, origionality is the key... and try to increase ur vocab a bit too... if u need anything or wanna do a colab or w/e just PM me... keep at it

[Spyder]

well ima give honest feed too... which people seem to like my honest feed so w.e

this wasnt good bro, the punches werent clever. saying things about dudes moms and shit aint hardcore namean?

the structure was all over the place, the syllable count was way different from line to line
thus throwing off the flow for me.

piece needs multies(multiple syllable rhymes) to make the flow better and the whole piece that much better.

there as a small vocab here, and no wordplay or anything for complexity.

the caps were annoying


i know your starting out... just some feed

[Solace]

maybe im reaching but uh lol you all dont realize hes jacking J Roc on purpose as a joke ? Either that or he IS J Roc.

The capitals, and how he uses "&" instead of "and" and everything else is just how J Roc writes

I Called Your Momma A Dyke & She Thinks Thats The Way To Roc The Mic,

[Edge]

maybe im reaching but uh lol you all dont realize hes jacking J Roc on purpose as a joke ? Either that or he IS J Roc.

The capitals, and how he uses "&" instead of "and" and everything else is just how J Roc writes

I Called Your Momma A Dyke & She Thinks Thats The Way To Roc The Mic,

idk.. hes new, so he might not even know who j roc is

[Solace]

I know but whatever, was just a theory lol. Really when I give feed it's too harsh though it's true so go by what Spyder said..Start with structure+multies (Im not saying theyre important, but theyre the easiest and if you can be extremely good with multies your set to learn something more difficult...on to the punches)

[Spyder]

J Roc always said he was the ppls champ

[J Roc]

Oh snap

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

keep writing try make it more meaningful to start with then worry about your crazy twisted shit, right now its coming of as a eminem fan tryna write eminem lyrics for eminem to spit.