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Im Coming

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Im Coming

Postby Tranquil » Jan 31st, '10, 12:51

im coming through the booth, like a venomous tiger,
deciding whether to go in and tell the truth, or be a lair,
write my lyrics on my pad, pad my on lyrics my write,
wondering if i should see my dad, but nah my mums probably rite,
a selfish little kid, once i was growing up,
all the trouble i did, not once landed in some cuff,
so now im here, and im gonna tell my lifes story,
sit back crack a beer, or go to the corner grab a 40,
coz ive been sitting on this couch, improving all my lyrics,
imma jump inside a joeys pouch, and wait for the critics,
to crush me, at the first chance that they get,
its not going to effect me, its gonna brake out like veit,
killing all these Vietnamese,
as the little children fall into the muddy surface on there knees,
no remorse, for all the trouble that i am causing,
that blood is sause, thats just thick red paint falling,

:smoking: What do you guys think, its a completely diff style from my previous work
Last edited by Tranquil on Feb 1st, '10, 08:11, edited 1 time in total.
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Straight jacket with a hundred eight brackets, and a strap that wraps twice around my back, then they latch it!
(Formally EminemIsLegend)
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Re: Im Coming

Postby B.A.D. » Jan 31st, '10, 16:20

i like it.... there are a couple lines that have like 1 or 2 words extra which makes the flow go choppy

but there are some great lines on this

at the end kinda felt out... but its ok, cuz the shceme you decided to take on some of it, its not the easiest of all

try using a bit more of inner multis, metas and all that type of bullshit that people like.

not bad... keep it up :y:
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Re: Im Coming

Postby Yah-hah » Jan 31st, '10, 19:49

Yeah like wat Ax said. Was still real ill man keep it up :y:
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"Red hand I use to reach deep in my dark quiver,
Arrow so big the fuckin bones in ya arm splinter
Fuckin crazy I'll stick my hand throgh ya hearts center,
With sharp scissors the words Native Pride gets carved in her,
"-Yah-hah

Trimss wrote:Your dog is cute, your tattoo fucking rocks, you can fight and your baby have a big dick.
Your life is cool bro lol :y:


Nundea Mekeze comin soon May 4th
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Re: Im Coming

Postby Fa-Q » Feb 1st, '10, 05:02

Your title...that's what she said :smoking:
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Re: Im Coming

Postby Tranquil » Feb 1st, '10, 07:07

Fa-Q wrote:Your title...that's what she said :smoking:

:laughing:
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Straight jacket with a hundred eight brackets, and a strap that wraps twice around my back, then they latch it!
(Formally EminemIsLegend)
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