Human Race (W.A.P)

[mcZu]

Another one from my Wisdom And Poetry shelf, been a while since I dropped one, enjoy.

His story is full of pain, mask on his face, taller signs
Of a history of pain, blood on his face, collar, mind
Telling white lies, it’s like he grew up color blind
It’s all in his mind, prisoner of his own thoughts
Free yet locked up, fighting his own thoughts, yeah he fought
A brave fight, he thought, ‘till errything came to a halt
Shame like cocaine, breaking him apart
It’s salty down the road, in case you’re made to trip
They say revenge is sweet, ‘cause we’re made to slip
Afraid to sip from life’s cup, yeah, life sucks
Errything you have can fly away in an instance like seagulls
We live palindromic, ‘cause backwards it seems evil
Erry scene revolves ‘round addiction like smeagull
It’s like we live underneath a rock ‘till we see the truth like Beanie Sigel
Ironically, when we put off these glasses life seems dull
Scenes full of Russian roulette, cadet’s, that
Seem to revolve ‘round revolvers flashing per sec
Asking no questions, on a quest to mash with the enemy
While they don’t realize that it is their inner deeds
That fluctuate ‘round feeble energy ending thee
Custom made sound of people, it’s an anarchy
And it seems to be on point, like archery, according to me
It’s far from accordingly, a tin rope, hanging from a cord see
Yours sincerely, this is Zu, I tried to end this cordially

[Yah-hah]

Scenes full of Russian roulette, cadet’s, that
Seem to revolve ‘round revolvers flashing per sec

Dope man I liked all the WAP stuff, gettin slept on a bit But I dug it man keep it up

[mcZu]

Scenes full of Russian roulette, cadet’s, that
Seem to revolve ‘round revolvers flashing per sec

Dope man I liked all the WAP stuff, gettin slept on a bit But I dug it man keep it up

Thanks Yah, 'preciate it. Yeah, a lot of CW stuff gets slept on these days.

Thought you gave up on W.A.P, but either way here are my thoughts on it. Might be a bit messy though. lol
(by the way you miss spelled everything if it wasn't intentional)

Well, the first thing that stood out to me was the title of the poem, 'Human Race'. You're approaching audience in such a massive range, it made me think that you wanted to have a huge impact, therefore a meaningful message behind it.
I wasn't far off it, but you didn't seem to have a message as such. More like a view of world, which is very dark and quite negative. For example, ‘Everything you have can fly away in an instance like seagulls'. As I continued to read the poem, I noticed the line count of 24, and the rhyming scheme wasn't consistent or traditional. Which made me think you've done it intentionally to show the 'messy' or cold side of the world. This also linked to imaginary and actual descriptions, ‘We live palindromic, ‘cause backwards it seems evil'. You're basically saying no matter how you look at the world, it causes pain and hurt.
The tone of the poem is what drew me in and that's what I like about it. The only thing I didn't like was the 'Beanie Sigel' reference. It felt a bit forced and I don't think it fits the poem. Over all I like it very much. Nice job.

Yes, I missspelled ''everything'' intentionally, flows better like that. Thanks for the feed Pink, you pretty much hit the nail on the head. The Beanie Sigel line fits though, I wrote it to a beat, so it fits the flow. Appreciate the indepth feed, Pink.

[Emadyville]

Damn, this was great. The way you switched up the rhyme scheme, really seemed to fit and work with the flow I got in my head. I loved that russian roulette line too, it's one of those you read, reread, reread, and then just cause it's that dope

Great piece zu, always always always impressing me with your writing, keep it up homie

[mcZu]

Damn, this was great. The way you switched up the rhyme scheme, really seemed to fit and work with the flow I got in my head. I loved that russian roulette line too, it's one of those you read, reread, reread, and then just cause it's that dope

Great piece zu, always always always impressing me with your writing, keep it up homie

Thanks Dubs a.k.a Emady, appreciate it man.

[mcZu]

Bump.