I been having all these crazy dreams unsure how to make em ou
These rabie genes may be seen as the only thing to take him out,
See I can't stop rhymin these multies goin too fast for time flyin to know me,
Even my homies say I'm too lonely to be a phony because wat they don't see,
Well son go ahead and tell me these problems, thoughts and revelations,
But in the end I'll probably say to be honest pop some medication,
Well it all started when I was a little kid 5 or 6,
So small and already I knew my whole life was shit,
The man I admired the most was the boogeyman of my dreams,
My mind needs time please from the hoodied man and my screams,
Did his best to save his hands from me but my mother is another story,
Her bloody face the end result an achoholics hard liquor and summer 40's,
No one to hide me from the thunders glory I met the storm with no damn path,
No protection on Earth or heaven to save me from this man's wrath,
So he hit you and your mother those memories well losin them is hard,
Isn't hard to tell your past from the bruises and the scars,
So we up and left him and moved out to another city,
Charities so embarassing from my mother to my brother's pity,
Have a new dad named Glenn, just mentioning his name I'm enraged,
Engaged 2 days later a 10 gauge to this kids face hopeless and in flames,
Now my step dad lost his best act and fucked me up worse than the first did,
A week into it and I'm the first kicked which isnt even the worst shit,
I'm hiding in my elementary school hopin mom will leave without me,
But I've got to be a man cause wat would mom be without me,
So I go home hoping I can take some of the punches away from my brother,
Please Glenn put those punches in my face, don't hit him please give me another,
My best friend Jamal is the only person I can trust with these issues,
"Yo my dad has a gun, if you need it I can steal it and give it to you"
So after school I leave with the gun underneath my Nike hoody,
Paranoid from every noise thinking that he might be looking,
I take more hits than ever and I can barely crawl back to my bedroom,
I'm contemplating takin my gun and making this man dead soon,
But I can't do it, I can't do it, I feel so fucking useless,
A grown up 2nd grader unable to pull the trigger and use it,
At such a young age it must have been hard to be a kid at all,
Even harder facing a larger man when your still that small
Eventually they divorced and we escaped to to another sin,
More and more ganglife never doin things right, thats wat I'm smothered in,
Coverin my red bandanna under my pillow hopin mom doesnt come lookin,
Meanwhile I'm at school provin I'm tough ready to bomb on whoever comes lookin,
I'm somewhat shooken, at 11 this shits alot to swallow,
No glock with hollows, but so much thats its stupid not to follow,
So I'm jumped in with so many glorious bruises like ignoring it's useless,
Jamal follow too we all into provin what we're doin isn't stupid,
We put in work as much as we can but we're still just children,
First time shooting at someone with true intentions leaves the illest feelin,
Well so far it seems you're following the wrong direction,
You never allowed your father, brother mom, or God to step in
You should be at school taking test and learning lessons,
Instead you're in the streets smith an wesson whippin weapons,
My 13th birthday my best friend approaches me at the homies house,
Crazy hours of the night nothing's here its like the stars are only out,
He appraoches me with an idea sounded stupid but after timing gave in,
I had to be cool and fit in so I quickly grabbed the shiny syringe,
I stuck the needle so quick I missed on the first stab,
Shot straight poison in the muscle hurt worse than my first dad,
I curse, laugh it hurts bad but the second try it sticks,
Nothin for a second but it beckons like 5 strips,
Of coke up the nose in one hit, I can't even breath right,
Flames in my viens eyes clentch so hard I can't see light,
I need sight, these trashcans I'm fallin over,
And my breath is visible I'm rippin cold now that fall is over,
Spent the night and the next 6 months sleepin in this gutter,
Addicted to the sickness that is bleedin from my lover,
I'm smothered in filth until June 10th 2005,
When my guardian angel came out and just died,
Hit up this 7/11 quick and make away with the cash,
Every other thought in my brain had just crashed,
So high off this liquid I'm sloppy with my words,
Next thing I know face smashed hoppin off the curb,
I'm faster than Jamal so I breakaway down the alley,
Hiding in the perfect spot so I know they'd have never found me,
But I had to get my homie proved to be my last mistake,
Ended up with him being free and I got maced straight to the face,
Judge sentenced me to 14 years for armed robbery, poss. of a deadly weapon,
My heart skipped a thousand beats a minute down to 7 in a second,
But since I was an addict I was handed a different fate,
I was only sentenced to 4 months in a very different place,
So I'm wondering this was not only hard on you but your family,
How do you react when your loved one is who is doing the damage see,
I can't imagine how 13 year old kid can go through that,
So wat happens next wat obstacles will hold you back,
Arizona in the summer but yet I'm supposed to go cold turkey,
Like son just give it 2 weeks the medication wont hurt me,
I have the chills all over my body my fingertips are freezing,
I'm scratchin at my back and my entire face is bleeding,
My eyelids are receiding into the back of my skull,
A whole month later and still my laugh is dull,
I'm half as old as a grown man's brain,
Yet I've doubled the size with my own damn pain,
Finally escape this hell-hole and quickly jump into another,
Return with insides burned much has changed now with 3 brothers
The streets constantly calling but I've found a new outlet,
Football is now my destiny but I'm slippin out of bounds yet,
My best friend is still the only one who knows,
But he is still a slave to the herion and coke,
Terrible with the flow so I run and I dont stop,
I gasp in so much air the adams apple in my throat pops,
Quickly its my junior year my life slowly regains its traction,
A football star unknown of whats next to happen,
Phonecall on a thursday night from Wesley Hospital callin with bad news,
My best friend now is dead, OD'ed it hurts worst than anything is my past do,
Takes 6 months to get past duke, damn it still hurts but hey,
Footballs the newest passion I fly past em so it'll work today,
Senior year and I'm heavily recruited by major universities,
Oklahoma State bound I stay round despite my major adversaries,
Well it seems that now you've found something worth obtaining,
Gettin that anger out plus and education with all the training,
Sunrise Academy I hate em with a passion see I'm so ready to bust some heads,
Lookin into Fa-Q's eyes and know he's feelin the same maybe I'm even something less,
Running full speed with my head down a foolish move,
When I wake up I'm stuck to the ground and my foot wont move,
I scream in complete horror "NO THIS SHIT CAN'T HAPPENING,
I'VE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH SHIT NO MORE BAD IS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN SEE",
Swiftly lifted to the hospital doctor stickin needles in my legs,
I feel nothing can't scream something or hear wat the doc just said,
So now I have another dream broken when I was so close to achieving,
So much pain on my heart suprised I'm still writing let alone breathing,
And now I'm here talking to you pissed on how my life went,
Although the pain shot in my veins inspires me to write sick,
Ok well after reviewing these facts I need some time to deliberate,
This may need a few years to grieve and recive, well give or take,
So go home and write your life out in your own words,
I'll be happy to help you out but you must go home first,
So now I'm here, its been 2 hours and a few pages later,
I'm still bleeding ink on this electric paper,
Doc said to write it out try something to heal first,
I wrote all this shit and it fucking still hurts,
I tried writing a light story but my lifes gory,
So I handed the keys to God and let him write for me,
He declined and I asked the Devil and even he said no,
So I write my life to public For something I can't let go
...wooow Jus that was crazy. That was everything from your youth to present. Nothing was left out, and it was so strong descriptive. And, as if it mattered with a song like this, you still had multis. This is by far your best piece because of the story of it. Man I just can't believe all this shit happened to you and you still have a smile on your face. For the longest time that's all I've know from you, you with a smile so, without trying to sound like a camp counseler, that I'm glad you moved past all this shit and you got a girl and you got a new house you moving into. So basically this is a time capsule you can look back on and say all that shit happen but you moved past it. But best fuckin read ever and if no one reads and feeds they can lick the tip of my dick while the shits got peanut butter on it...sorry I'm back to being serious.
*slits wrists*