Depressing

[Fa-Q]

Well, I don't know if you care on this one but you lacking three main components to writing on this piece

Vocabulary, Structure, and Word play.

Now I stress it probably doesn't matter on this piece like you said but these are the base to writing.

Also it helps us as readers if you capatalize beginning of lines and words like "I"...it just looks more neat you know

Keep it up man...btw liked the piece

[GoodGirlsGetGutted]

Not too bad for a first ever piece. Meaning wise, you definitely got your point across. I assume you're writing a rap, not just poetry? If so, heed some advice concerning tehnique:
- Keep a steady click in your head (or tap your foot if you must) to keep your writing in time. 1 2 3 4, 1 2 3 4, ....
- You'll want the "strongest" rhymes to fall on the downbeats of your rhythm.
- You ended the first 3 lines with a long i sound. You should generally end an even number of bars with the same sound.
- The last 4 line didn't end with the same sound at all, which is okay as long as you have internal rhymes. Rhymes can be used just as effectively in the middle of lines than at the end.
Have fun.

[embm]

good job
keep them comin

[Enimee]

def liked this one keep at it for sure

[gutawafang]

try to reconnect with my soul like please please revive

This line can be improved.

Overall, for a short piece, it's quite okay. You can do better man.