End of my journey

[shadegirl]

This is a song i been working on called end of my Journey. thought i would post the first verse up and get feedback.

sitting here thinking how to change my life
i might of died twice, but both times
i died with a fight
and each time i put that knife,
up to my skin. never thought
of the consiquences i might be in
never thought how my family would feel
do they feel for me. what is really real
what i have to deal with every day
just to make the pain go away
like stuff medication down my throat
oh every one is on it, you'll be fine
but here i sit putting it in another rhyme
did he cross the line with every beer he drank
when he has liver issues my heart just sank
living with 20 cents in my bank
a penny in my pocket
i should of just held the gun to my head and shot it
investgating you haters like norcotics
i don't want my life to end,don't want to
end up on a gurney
this aint the end of my journey

[Emadyville]

Did you write this to the beat end of my journey from shadowville?

[shadegirl]

yeah lol.

i love that site

[FAME]

I can't tell if this is a rap or a song (it's not you it's me)
Does this mean we have a another girl rapper?

[Emadyville]

word cause i just downloaded that the other day

this wasn't so bad, rhymes were simple, looks like you're kinda a beginner to some extent?

[shadegirl]

yep

[FAME]

yep

We must be friends

[shadegirl]

[GoodGirlsGetGutted]

This is pretty simplistic but I like it.
All of your rhymes fall on the end of each measure of 4. I'd recommend trying to fit rhymes in on the downbeats of the previous 3 beats, that makes for very strong writing.

[shadegirl]

okay ill try that. i have a beat so i was just trying to flow with it

thanks