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My 3rd rap

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My 3rd rap

Postby UzaKING » Feb 17th, '10, 19:25

hello i wrote this one really fast and got bored writing it so ill just post it as it is

like mist in the abyss tonight
i creep but dont exist in light
I twist and slit-wrists skin-deep at night
shes asleep so i insist a strike
i persist to leap like Dwight in-flight ( Dwight Howard is my favorite basketball player :) )
in spite of daylight close in sight
i slightly bite to make her die
now i say goodbye untill midnight
when the time is right in the moonlight
i bring her back to life i am christ like
now we are alike this is twilight
psych this is actually real life
and i will lewdly kill your wife
i am so beastly with a knife
you can call me samurai christ
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Re: My 3rd rap

Postby gutawafang » Feb 18th, '10, 02:13

No flow. Few multies yet still no flow.

Rhymes and vocab quite good. Punches I don't really get it. Can be better.
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Re: My 3rd rap

Postby UzaKING » Feb 18th, '10, 02:36

gutawafang wrote:No flow. Few multies yet still no flow.

Rhymes and vocab quite good. Punches I don't really get it. Can be better.


lol ya it sucks i was just trying to rhyme and wrote this pretty fast
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Re: My 3rd rap

Postby gutawafang » Feb 18th, '10, 02:37

uzaking wrote:
gutawafang wrote:No flow. Few multies yet still no flow.

Rhymes and vocab quite good. Punches I don't really get it. Can be better.


lol ya it sucks i was just trying to rhyme and wrote this pretty fast

Call it a keystyle. ;)
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Re: My 3rd rap

Postby GoodGirlsGetGutted » Feb 18th, '10, 02:42

I like reading your work, you have a very unique style.
Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.
-Matthew 7:12

-Chaos zawladnal światem po raz kolejny-
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Re: My 3rd rap

Postby UzaKING » Feb 18th, '10, 02:47

GoodGirlsGetGutted wrote:I like reading your work, you have a very unique style.


well thank you :D
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Re: My 3rd rap

Postby Fa-Q » Feb 18th, '10, 06:48

Multis :o
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Re: My 3rd rap

Postby Yah-hah » Feb 18th, '10, 15:04

Yeah man I see some multies in there :y: I think I know wat you mean by writing it fast, lol I do it all the time. I see some potential in there, fix up some stuff kinda expand your vocabualry and all that but keep doin ya thing man
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"Red hand I use to reach deep in my dark quiver,
Arrow so big the fuckin bones in ya arm splinter
Fuckin crazy I'll stick my hand throgh ya hearts center,
With sharp scissors the words Native Pride gets carved in her,
"-Yah-hah

Trimss wrote:Your dog is cute, your tattoo fucking rocks, you can fight and your baby have a big dick.
Your life is cool bro lol :y:


Nundea Mekeze comin soon May 4th
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