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My 4th rap

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My 4th rap

Postby UzaKING » Feb 18th, '10, 09:13

just wrote this
tell me how to improve


as im sittin spittin this semi-written rap listen
my gats hittin kneecaps and blastin past with precision
these savage raps pass from fiction to fact
like a martian attack on a village of blacks
or any nation that acts like the faction aint back
to pillage anthrax and airship it in packs
to shacks in Iraq strapped in turban wraps
so they open it fast
at last theyre dead in a vast attack that surpassed
the blood shed in the past, a new forecast has amassed
i grab my battleaxe of the rack to cripple and slash
the devil is back to whip-lash any friendship into ash
so as i hit this hash please pass the drip back <---- this is where i got bored :(
as i sip fast, im now trashed so forget that
im now bored with this rap so i guess ill end at that
infact i will add one more line just to laugh at
UzaKING
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Re: My 4th rap

Postby GoodGirlsGetGutted » Feb 18th, '10, 09:25

You already have all the tools you need to write competently.
The rest... is up to you.
Try a composition that means something special to you.
It's time to take the next step: Adding emotion.
Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.
-Matthew 7:12

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Re: My 4th rap

Postby Fa-Q » Feb 18th, '10, 10:10

You need to increase your vocabulary...that's about it...the structure is a little off but that doesn't matter...
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Re: My 4th rap

Postby Yah-hah » Feb 18th, '10, 15:07

Yeah man when I first started writing (A long ass time ago) I had simple rhymes and weak vocab but great emotion. You have really good rhymes, multies are really good for a beginner type piece, I got the flow, just throw some emotion in there and you'll be great. Keep writing man :y:
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With sharp scissors the words Native Pride gets carved in her,
"-Yah-hah

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Your life is cool bro lol :y:


Nundea Mekeze comin soon May 4th
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Re: My 4th rap

Postby UzaKING » Feb 18th, '10, 15:59

thanks for all the feedback :)
i will try to write something with emotion soon idk what to write about though lol
UzaKING
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Re: My 4th rap

Postby mcZu » Feb 18th, '10, 16:01

uzaking wrote:thanks for all the feedback :)
i will try to write something with emotion soon idk what to write about though lol

Start writing to beats, they'll give you inspiration and you'll improve your flow at the same time.
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Re: My 4th rap

Postby Medicine Ball » Feb 18th, '10, 16:01

it's to similar to serial killer eminem. be original. it's still good though.
.

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Re: My 4th rap

Postby UzaKING » Feb 18th, '10, 20:55

mcZu wrote:
uzaking wrote:thanks for all the feedback :)
i will try to write something with emotion soon idk what to write about though lol

Start writing to beats, they'll give you inspiration and you'll improve your flow at the same time.


i would write to beats but my computer doesn't have speakers :'(
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