Two Communities

[Artille]

Random 16 bars before I go to bed...

We got mods for hire, one met the ban hammer
His name is Young Fire; a racist and a spammer
I'm really fucking tired, so ignore my grammar
In 2 days he won't retire, but he'll meet the slammer
I'm talking about Lil Wayne, shout out to HQ
Followed Danny down the lane, that's how I met you
I'm also an Em fan so shout out to TR
This is the best Shady site by far
Damn, and that was only my eighth bar
This site is a hole in one others are over par
I'm a new member, I'm having a good time
I hope yall remember this next rhyme
Wayne said: Fuck em, even if they celibate
But don't fuck em, why can't we all celebrate
This collaboration we have, it's truly great
I didn't expect to see all of this Wayne hate


I'm finished. Nothing special just something before I hop off and go to bed. Feedback?

[Fa-Q]

Youre on some wayne shit...not a compliment btw

[Artille]

Youre on some wayne shit...not a compliment btw

And you're on some whack grave dancer faggot shit. Now are you gonna leave feedback or bash someone who isn't me? Because I'm pretty sure my name isn't Lil Wayne it's Artille. And I'm on some Artille shit.

Constructive criticism please!

[Fa-Q]

Hahah yea I'm a whack Gravedancer rapper...yeppers...you need to complicate your lyrics

[Artille]

Hahah yea I'm a whack Gravedancer rapper...yeppers...you need to complicate your lyrics

"My rhyming schemes, are shining wings, its like diamond rings,
Are on my middle fingers, speakin to deafs, signing things"

I have to say that's real complicated...

Why do I NEED to complicate my lyrics? I get straight to the point.

EDIT: I don't want to argue with you. U just want criticism. Thank you. Tell me ways to complicate my lyrics.

[Fa-Q]

Yea, actually those are complicated lyrics...its four multis...multis create depth in your lyrics, therefore making them more complicated

[Artille]

Yea, actually those are complicated lyrics...its four multis...multis create depth in your lyrics, therefore making them more complicated

Okay, I will try and work on that. Thanks for the feedback.

[Artille]

If somone feeds your writing , weather they say its bad or good, if they tell you its bad and tell u to try work on multis, structure ect then there being honest and trying to help you make yourself better theres no need to jump down there throats everytime


Yes it is wayne influenced its not a bad thing its not a good thing

Fa-Q is one of the most consistant feedbackers< a word? LOL, listen to what he has to say dont try and drive him from feeding


P.S he didnt feed my post yet id like him too tho

My bad it was late. Still looking for more constructive criticism though, from anybody.

[classthe_king]

Multis

[WhatsAnEnigma]

Yea, actually those are complicated lyrics...its four multis...multis create depth in your lyrics, therefore making them more complicated

Artille don't do what his line does and drop multi's constantly in a verse because it just sounds dumb and is meant to be used rather sparingly in my opinion unless it's audio which sounds better. Also don't put stupid stuff just to make it a multi.

And when they're speaking on your lyrics it sounds like you're a 7 year old trying to talk in english, some lines are choppy, so make the grammar and fluidity better.

Multi's don't automatically make your verse better either.