Another 16 (Bus Verse)

[Artille]

A few months ago I was sitting on the school bus alone and thought of this verse in my head. I wrote it out when I got home that day.

I thought of this verse while sitting in a bus seat
My lyrics got your girl swept off her feet
All I know is victory, what the fuck is defeat
Her touch is the lyrics and her heart is the beat
I bring the heat, yeah I spit that flame
Give me the crown, I'm the king of the game
I write in my head like I tattoo my brain
Too many thoughts, I might bust a vein
White T, gym shorts, and some fresh forces
I'm eating these rappers, all three courses
Watched by the cops like all red Porsches
I spit fire, I could light torches
Your girl dig my swag, she say I'm so lyrical
I can lend you bars, I got infinite material
I speak the truth, my lyrics so serious
You think you can beat me, you must be delirious

[Artille]

Your girl dig my swag, she say I'm so lyrical

she was mislead

Not quite sure how that helps me out, but you can go ahead and fuck off.

I only post these verses for CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.

[WhatsAnEnigma]

Artille, Ron, Ratille, you're going to get criticism like that if you keep posting old raps that showcase what they've told you they didn't like. HQ was straight and all, but the lyrical skill over there and people rating people's stuff baffles me. No one gets good reviews from me over there since they rap like wayne. Now even though I don't care for wayne much, if you're going to flow like him let it be on a song where you can manipulate a track, but in plain text it doesn't work.

You can pick up on what certain sites like, HQ likes well the mainstream basic, this site like more intellectual and hammers multi's into your mind like Priests so it's a natural reaction.

I'd suggest you work on expanding your vocab, maybe an english book, thesaurus, words of the day, etc and try constructing more developed lines. For some reason when I read the stuff on here it's like they're more Canibus-esque than Bis' actual forums

[WhatsAnEnigma]

Artille, Ron, Ratille, you're going to get criticism like that if you keep posting old raps that showcase what they've told you they didn't like. HQ was straight and all, but the lyrical skill over there and people rating people's stuff baffles me. No one gets good reviews from me over there since they rap like wayne. Now even though I don't care for wayne much, if you're going to flow like him let it be on a song where you can manipulate a track, but in plain text it doesn't work.

You can pick up on what certain sites like, HQ likes well the mainstream basic, this site like more intellectual and hammers multi's into your mind like Priests so it's a natural reaction.

I'd suggest you work on expanding your vocab, maybe an english book, thesaurus, words of the day, etc and try constructing more developed lines. For some reason when I read the stuff on here it's like they're more Canibus-esque than Bis' actual forums

Bis is one of my favorite.

Or try to enforce it, and yes Bis is a fav of mine too, how cute.

I might post a Spartibus verse I wrote since you brought up Bis a little more tomorrow, not sure though.

[Artille]

Artille, Ron, Ratille, you're going to get criticism like that if you keep posting old raps that showcase what they've told you they didn't like. HQ was straight and all, but the lyrical skill over there and people rating people's stuff baffles me. No one gets good reviews from me over there since they rap like wayne. Now even though I don't care for wayne much, if you're going to flow like him let it be on a song where you can manipulate a track, but in plain text it doesn't work.

You can pick up on what certain sites like, HQ likes well the mainstream basic, this site like more intellectual and hammers multi's into your mind like Priests so it's a natural reaction.

I'd suggest you work on expanding your vocab, maybe an english book, thesaurus, words of the day, etc and try constructing more developed lines. For some reason when I read the stuff on here it's like they're more Canibus-esque than Bis' actual forums

You know what Enigma, Trill, Phill, you're right. I'm going to completely change my style lyrically and I will post up a new verse tomorrow night. I mean it's going to be impossible for me to get away from the mainstream (Wayne) style, but I will give it a try. I just feel more comfortable with similes and metaphors being the building blocks to my verse.

[WhatsAnEnigma]

[
You know what Enigma, Trill, Phill, you're right. I'm going to completely change my style lyrically and I will post up a new verse tomorrow night. I mean it's going to be impossible for me to get away from the mainstream (Wayne) style, but I will give it a try. I just feel more comfortable with similes and metaphors being the building blocks to my verse.

Don't use phill on here, that's top secret. If you plan on getting to be the next em and earn billions one day keep at your current style, but when it comes down to respect and you being that artist who's out there dying to live with lyrics that will make someone's blood pressure turn erratic and veins pop open and fizz, then you'd want to change your style. Save the cassidy flow for battles, but write deep otherwise. I think personally I need to take a more first person approach in my verse possibly. If you want an example, Psych Evaluation.

[Tash8]

not bad rhyming imo...keep it up