Summer Dream

[Fa-Q]

This is a pretty smooth drop Stev...I haven't fed much of your shit but the flow was so smooth...lyrics weren't lacking, coulda used a lil bit more multis but if its written about or for a girl it really doesn't matter...


Keep it Up Steven

[embm]

vry nice
so sweet
kep them comin

[gutawafang]

The concept is good man.

But what's lacking is multis. Well, I like multis.

To make it flow better, imporove on structure and multis, although sometimes, ignoring structure can be good.

Then you grab my cheeks squeeze till i cant speak
^LOL, that's kinda cute.

The ending is good but it could make a better impact with better writing. Multis is the shiz.

[Edge]

good shit man, esp. for only ur 2nd drop... the only thing is some of the lines dont rhyme or when they do, its slightly... other than that and a lack of multis, the contents good, emotions there and it flows well... so keep it up, the more u write the more u get used to it, the more ul wanna write...

[Edge]

I have a summer dream and to achieve maximum fun
Its just me and you laying on my trampoline in the sun
We dont speak just glance at the skys
Occasionally look at each other my mind seems to dance with your eyes
I feel as tho that you are the one
I try not to say much or show myself coming on strong
I break the silence ask you if your okay
You smile bat your eyelids then turn the other way
So now ive got mixed feelings and try to think of something else to say
A few moments pass you turn to me and laugh
Then you grab my cheeks squeeze till i cant speak
My heart winds down you might aswel steal it now
Cause baby youve just read my mind.

just try to make the ends of lines rhyme... also u dont have to, and to each his own, but i like to make the rhyme in rhymes of even amounts... also try to work on ur structure, but that doesnt matter if u make the flow work... hit me up for a colab if u want

[Edge]

thanks for the feed there edge, but does each line really have to end with a rhyme? cause if u look
i kinda rhymed pass with laugh, cheecks with speak and then wind with mind
but its cool if i did it wrong i just thought it was aight to do it that way
thanks

P.S, no thanks on that collab, ull maul crush and kill me with ur first 8 bars

I have a summer dream and to achieve maximum fun
Its just me and you laying on my trampoline in the sun
We dont speak just glance at the skys
Occasionally look at each other my mind seems to dance with your eyes
I feel as tho that you are the one
I try not to say much or show myself coming on strong
I break the silence ask you if your okay
You smile bat your eyelids then turn the other way
So now ive got mixed feelings and try to think of something else to say
A few moments pass you turn to me and laugh
Then you grab my cheeks squeeze till i cant speak
My heart winds down you might aswel steal it now
Cause baby youve just read my mind.

Thanks

wor i see what ur saying with the internal rhyme, and theres no set rules in rap for what u have to do, so stick with what u like better... and lol, hit me up if u ever change ur mind on tht colab