revenge

[UzaKING]

just wrote this and thought might aswell post it
i might redo a lot of it to make it better i kinda sped through it


This crazy nut killed all my buds and felt them up
then he drilled my gut till i spilt some blood
i went to backup slipped and hit the mud
i passed out and later wokeup to a loud thudd
im covered in crud/ this is tragic
im sealed up in a casket
teargassed and wrapped in plastic
my only tactic is to adapt and lack panic
so i unwrapped the plastic and blasted his ass back to my attic
now i feed him acid tablets and made him a fast addict
now its my habit to dab him with rancid ashes
that i got from his parents asses
i set up both theyre accidents filmed it and showed him the crashes

[Fa-Q]

Its a whole lot easier to read it if you capitalize letters like "I"...it just makes it look better

Anyway, not bad...but I sense traces of relapse...the only way to get past that is to reinvent the serial killer type (if that's what you were trying for here) and to make it super descriptive cause that's something Em didn't really do...and you need to work on your structure

If you were building a building would you pick
-----------
--------------------
-----
----------

Or

-----------------
---------------
-----------------
------------------

So make the lines either longer or shorter to try and even them out...it gives it curb appeal...oh and if you capitalize "Revenge" in the title that gives it curb appeal too (I hate that saying "curb appeal") anyway keep at it homie