Coleon - Divine Struggle (Please Feed)

[Solace]

Was amazing bro. Some of the best imagery I've seen on this site, and great rhyme and flow. Nothing fucked it up, perfect as it is. Report back to me how the contest goes.

[classthe_king]

Wow, this was amazing The way you use words is incredible. Keep doing this kind of stuff

[dR3]

Damn, you guys impress me.

Fucking awesome multies, and great structure.

[FAME]

I'm going to be real with this...I think you have a great chance of winning the contest. You capture every aspect of the war (I presume that's what is happening) going on. Everything from the descriptions to the emotion between the blood bath. I really enjoyed this, different from what you usually post but none the less it was really good.

[Fa-Q]

Wow, even though its poetry I can still sense traces of multis...I really don't know how they'll judge but this is badass imagery...keep us updated if you win

[GoodGirlsGetGutted]

As a rap, it's strong. As a poem, it's rather weak, compared to what I think you could be capable of. This will impress TR rappers, but I don't think it will impress learned critics of poetry.

[GoodGirlsGetGutted]

I'd rewrite this if I were you, keeping the concept, and most of the words too.

Watch:

The sky in darkness parts, the Earth, it shakes with thunder bolts
As shineth Horizon's fiery sun, seen through puffs of smoke

See how the words form a natural rhythm when spoken?
Your piece doesn't have that, and the people judging it won't be mc's, so they will NOT follow your rhythm as is.

And... you have too many multies. Look at the end of your first 2 lines:
THUNder BOLT
PUFF of SMOKE

See the rhythmical problem? The cadence would force the reader to pronounce "thunder bolt" in an awkward way, with unusual emphasis.

To be honest with you, while you're probably the most talented rhyme writer on this site, you're an amateur when it comes to poetry, and I'd say that any learned poet could easily beat you in this contest.

...Unless you master this in a serious hurry.

[GoodGirlsGetGutted]

Oh, so this isn't the piece you're submitting to the poetry contest.
Eh, the important thing isn't winning, it's having the satisfaction of writing masterworks such as Divine Struggle.