i can

[JoshButler]

after i fucked you i wanna see you collapse n im able
to spawn inside of you after i gave you prolapsed anal
so you know im able to get on that label for bein faithful
and devoted to drop everything for somethin
to be ropped into my mind of nothin but im lovin
how every day i try to fuck myself over more
now many would say id fly up but im stuck on the floor
with these mental and emotional chains that makes me deranged
with no sense at all causin constant errosion that stains my names
cause all im tryin to do is findin the real me but all i can see
im makin myself vunerable to the people who i can speak freely to
but after talkin behind my back i saw the evil hatred they threw
in my direction that i belived so truefully now i think who would be
the one to loose everythin them or me but since i feel free
they aint got fuckin anythin on me so at least now i can see
i can start the long journey again and again and then
i can see the wrong that can earn me more and more so
i can see the door for freedom with a room with no floor
its all on me to either fly or fall and die

[JoshButler]

any feedback?

[classthe_king]

any feedback?

Why don't you try feeding other people.

But I'm feeling nice. You really need to work on rhymes, your rhymes were really basic and made the piece really boring. The whole thing was boring to be honest. If your going to do this kind of verse then you need to put more imagery and emotion into your verse so that people can feel the same way you did cause I felt nothin.

[DƎRDYPK]

No you can't......








































It was alright though....keep working on the rhymes