Okay, so this is my newest piece of whatever. I shortened the lines a bit, for the most part, and tried more simple rhymes/schemes and shit. And It's basically a rough draft. What most my pieces look like until I start nitpickin every thing thinking I can do better. Which usually tends to just ruin it. So here it is before I do that, I guess.
Link of feedback: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=101076&p=1391579#p1391579
I also plan to start leaving more feedback soon. Seeing how my baby boy is finally starting to give me a little bit more free time, finally.
So stressed, It's like I can never get the sleep needed,
for my brain to just rest once. It Keeps speedin.
Thoughts infested in me like they've been deep-ly seeded.
Nested and multiplied in me too, like heaps of diseases.
Exceeding ceilings, constantly going a hundred fifty miles a hour
Never easing stampeding feelings already done spread swiftly, piles, n towers.
A fly bitch named Venus tricks me, smiles then devours me. Trapped within
these emotions that are claimed weakness. I tap, give in.
I'm really wrapped thick skinned, though. Keep totally private,
Hopefully nobody notices a thing, so I stay socially quiet
Hopelessly I riot, against myself, my own shy soul
A black hell hole I was thrown in, so the throne I stole
Prone to troll, so forget the shit I might a spewed
thrown for loops, really I'm just tryna brighten moods
enlighten views of who's been to hell 'n back a time or two
So I just kick back and begin tellin' facts in my rhymes for you
Okay, the last 4 lines are more of fuckin around shit. I got bored with what I was kinda doing so I figured I'd switch up and twist the end a bit. Who'd have seen it coming?
Also line 7. Yeah it's lol worthy and maybe a bit stupid, to me anyways. Sorry if it may have ruined it somehow. But in the end.. I'm just playin around regardless.
So?