Dark Fantasy

[WakeUpShow]

Now let me start off by saying I ain't the greatest
My flows kinda shaky, labels put me on their wait list
But my fantasy is dark, and my imagination's pretty twisted
A Gritty Christmas, is what I'm facing if I don't get signed soon
A monsoon is what you should compare moi to
But a cartoon, is their favorite comparison because I'm animated
Lively, Raunchy and a little offbeat so I'm hated
That's because I cover up the real me, and I masqueraded
Just because I don't Parade it, run around and wave my banner
That's called manners, it don't mean I'm any less manner
That isn't a word but I used it anyway
No weapons spray, but my tongue when I start to spit it
I rip it, and they still say I missed it
So fuck it, don't leave feedback
I don't need that, I'll still do me on these raps

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=104472

[ShaBruv]

some good internal rhymes


and this was a great transition of rhymes i often use aswell

That's because I cover up the real me, and I masqueraded
Just because I don't Parade it, run around and wave my banner


Keep it up cosh,

look at this and see how you've improved
http://www.forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=26&t=97012&p=1331894&hilit=starburst#p1331894

[Ka0t1c]

cool piece being real, i like it for what it is but i think u should make it longer or do another piece similar to that taste!!!!!!!!!!

[SoldierShady]

Your mom.

[classthe_king]

You've gotten better with rhymes and transistion multis, so keep improving in that way but this verse was pretty boring. The only lines I liked were the last two

A Gritty Christmas, is what I'm facing if I don't get signed soon
A monsoon is what you should compare moi to
But a cartoon, is their favorite comparison because I'm animated
Lively, Raunchy and a little offbeat so I'm hated

You're just going on about random stuff. Why would they hate you cause you were lively? And you've never recorded so how can you be off beat. You need to have substance in your raps and actually say something that people want to listen to.

[WakeUpShow]

You've gotten better with rhymes and transistion multis, so keep improving in that way but this verse was pretty boring. The only lines I liked were the last two

A Gritty Christmas, is what I'm facing if I don't get signed soon
A monsoon is what you should compare moi to
But a cartoon, is their favorite comparison because I'm animated
Lively, Raunchy and a little offbeat so I'm hated

You're just going on about random stuff. Why would they hate you cause you were lively? And you've never recorded so how can you be off beat. You need to have substance in your raps and actually say something that people want to listen to.

I meant off beat like a little weird, not as in recording. and as for the lively line, i feel like alot of people get hated for people crazy and/or outspoken. thanks for the feedback