Paint The Dawn

[_Steven_]

Beat: http://equalibrum.bandcamp.com/track/pa ... strumental

Sometimes I gaze in the distance with my head in the clouds
And I pray for an instant that I'll never come down
I hit the ground....my vision sways and the truth blinds
The wind dies, so do corn fields and blue skies
The image fades, my euphoria it dissipates
A swift escape, heart strings in a twist of fate
I can't face my day to day, the stress involved
I've dealt with qualms and I've handled em with sweaty palms
Losing grip on reality, I get a long
By hittin bongs and setting sail to mellow songs
It's always dawn, never dusk in my dreams
And the coolest breeze always rustles the leaves
Something to see....the ponds ripple gently
The seconds seem forgotten into centuries
I shed tears in honor of the elegies
I'm at peace as I paint the dawn with memories

[Block]

I literally spent 3 hrs on bandcamp last weekend trying to find instrumentals like that. That entire instrumental album is beyond dope.

As for the writing, I see what you're trying to do.. And it's getting there. My advice would be to try and form more complex multies. Not by syllable size or length, but by words that aren't as obviously rhymed. Other than that, everything seems pretty good.

[_Steven_]

I literally spent 3 hrs on bandcamp last weekend trying to find instrumentals like that. That entire instrumental album is beyond dope.

As for the writing, I see what you're trying to do.. And it's getting there. My advice would be to try and form more complex multies. Not by syllable size or length, but by words that aren't as obviously rhymed. Other than that, everything seems pretty good.

Spoonfull-esque type instrumentals out the ass. I try to differ from the normal net rapper catalog (Sinima, Anno Domini, ect)

Thanks man and yeah I understand.

When Wax says stuff like

Pass me another Hurricane dog
So I can stay lit like Duraflame log

It really stresses how I desperately need to up my rhyme originality.

[classthe_king]

I thought the rhyming was amazing and very original

The only rhyme I would have thought of was the dissipate/twist of fate rhyme