Gambling With Your Life (Full Song)

[MikeNUFC]

First full song I've ever wrote, feedback is much appreciated.

It's all or nothing as the ball spins round, it carries my fate
(I shouldn't have done this but my god, now it's too late)
I jump in the air as the ball lands right onto the red
(Fall to the floor, it's black and I might as well be dead)
Run out the casino, rush to phone my wife and my kids
(Cant face my wife, should I just end my life in a ditch?)
A Ferrari, a mansion, a cruise; all these sights are a bliss
(In a youth hostel, thoughts of putting a knife to my wrists)
Why should I quit? Might as well keep splashing the cash
(Lifes an abyss, not a penny, all I can flash is this gash)
Been on holiday twice already, my god, love all this luxury
(Been in hospital twice today, doctors think they can fuck with me)
1000 bucks a week in town, friends are saying 'you're changing'
(Docs help me get better, got a job and have started core training)
Wife wants to leave; with my cash, I wont accept that... ever
(Met up with my wife, she wants us to get back together)

Chorus (x2)
Gambling your money
Your gambling your life
And just cus you win
Doesnt mean you'll be right

Wife has walked out with the kids but I know she'll be back
(Life seems so sorted, back with my wife and kids in a flat)
Sick of this cash, got no friends, families moved to London
(Got a promotion and my training has got proof of funding)
Moneys running out, no job and I need my damn kids
(My sons first day at school, will never leave this, it's bliss)
Can't pay my bills or my rent, the repo man said that he's coming
(My wife's pregnant and it's a little girl that's led in her stomach)
I'm sleeping on the streets and I'm begging for any petty cash
(Starting a saving bond, small amounts a week I set back)
Too much pride to get help, all I do is beg; no hood, I dont eat
(Trainings coming to an end, soon I'll be registered to help teach)
I walk past the casino, struggle all the way to the back of the pier
(I pass my training, get a pay rise, might as well grab a few beers)
Stand on the edge, turn round, then jump all the way back
(See the casino, turn round, "Let's lump a few quid on black")

Chorus (x2)
Gambling your money
Your gambling your life
And just cus you win
Doesnt mean you'll be right

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=110469

[MikeNUFC]

Maybe I should have called this 'Better than Illmatic' or 'Best Verse Ever'.

Cheeky bump, with an up to date link-of-feed.

[Maybe]

There's a lot to love here, with only one negative aspect. For starters, the story telling was good. I thoroughly enjoyed every word, and actually wanted to read the second verse because I was genuinely interested. The rhyming was quite in-and-out, going from great to simplistic, which to some may be a bad thing, but I found that it kept things fresh. Not every line has to have spectacular lyrical acrobats to be good, right? Right. The flow was a bit slow, but this could be because I have the readers perspective (as opposed to the performers). Other than the crooked flow which seemed forced at times, I give this piece a 8.5/10 for originality, creativity and generally good lyrics.

[MikeNUFC]

Thanks a lot Maybe.

(btw, that's the first chorus I've ever wrote, that's why it's so bad lol)

[Maybe]

Thanks a lot Maybe.

(btw, that's the first chorus I've ever wrote, that's why it's so bad lol)

Chorus wasn't bad at all. I read it like it needs to be sung, which makes it pretty decent.

[Devil'sAdvocate]

i just noticed this at first,i saw miles ahead better rhyming in your other verses.

flow is just way toooo slow,i enjoyed the story tho,guess u gotta give to get right.

the concept is so dope,if it was just slightly better executed,u will have a top song.

thats my 2 cents,who gives a fuck tho?

[MikeNUFC]

Thanks DA

I'm really not happy with the flow on this.