Words

[Words]

Verse from something I'm currently working on, I'd like to get some feed

Feedback: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=126345&start=15

V1:
Ever since I was a little tyke,
I've never really ever been liked.
People always wanted to mess with and pick fights
Generally people were just be'n not nice
But it wasn't too bad, here a name there a name, a stolen bike once or twice
It was something I could handle, something I could fight
But little did I know, that was only for the time
Cause eventually set in the fright
Followed by bullies invading and stealing sleep at night
No matter how hard I tried no where to run or hide
It drove me to insanity and out of my mind
How could I not see this--- was I that blind?
I couldn't anticipated it would've climbed--- at this rate
It got to the point where I really couldn't take
To the point where happiness was only faked
The thought of it is in the back of my head, and I cannot shake

[Words]

1st bump

[M&M59]

Followed by bullies invading and stealing sleep at night
No matter how hard I tried no where to run or hide
It drove me to insanity and out of my mind
How could I not see this--- was I that blind?

i liked that part, it flowed really good.

your topic was also really good, if you could maybe manage to get some more multi syllable rhymes in there, it would be even better.

The one rap i wrote on here long time ago, someone told me to change my end rhyme up a little bit sometimes. maybe that will do you good too, you know instead of having half of the rhymes end on the same rhyme, like : tyke, liked, fights, nice.

[Words]

Bringing Together
Universally
Most
People to give me feedback

BUMP^

[Man1x]

This verse flows very good, the only thing you need now is more complex rhymes. I'd do more multi-syllable rhymes, I didn't see any. I'm sure you know the concept of multi's and I don't know if you internally didn't include them. This is the first piece of yours I have seen, good shit through bro, hit me up?

http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=126370

[RainMan44]

I'm with Man1x on this one...the multies are a must if you're going to lack in other departments. Once you strengthen everything else, you can drop multies here and there and not worry about them as much. Words, this is by no means bad or anything. But just try to up your vocab in your verses. Don't use simple everyday words. Be creative, think outside the box. I did like the concept, could've been executed a bit better tho


Keep at it though, practice makes perfect. I know they all say it, but it's the truth.


Feed mine please?


viewtopic.php?f=24&t=127043

[Words]

Ty for the feed guys, I'll hit you back as soon as I can

[Man1x]

Words, if your going hit me back do "The Apøs†le" instead of Manîx, or do both IDC haha http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=127403