Victory Laugh

[Spyder]

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=125784



Ha Ha Ha - Ha HA HA

Spyder their here, please remove the target on your back
Their fighting with fear, bars scathe and tarnish every track,
All eight arms at attack, my new mission imposed
To switch position on these bitches and get in their dome.
Pull the pistol with my hit list as my faces glistens in chrome
Leave you Pail-n’ gone, Bristol, with kids missin from homes.
Now its smooth sailin as I continue rippin through poems,
The way I sooth changes as im flippin the tones.
Its like every rapper im next-ta try to out spit to make a point
Then got me feelin like Celexca, puts me on to save his joint!
Someone youll never get the best of, hurt you? Oh no
I just reflect the gritty affect of complex-ity, virtuoso.
I run this place like Castro endin you, now mourn ya fame
This aint your prime, you a “has-bro” but im board of games
Follow the fast flow hollow ya asshole til it pains and sores
Wallow over ya cash flow, we all know when I reign you poor!

Hook
Ill bring the same presence in the future like a re-wrapped gift - Copywrite
I should run a marathon backwards, jus to see what second place look like – Royce
Sit down beside her like a Spider ~ And since im convinced im an Insomniac – Eminem

I just, continue to murder a tone as I journey further from home
Remain strong dominate the game long and nourish the throne,
Don’t think the flames gone cause you heard you birds was alone
I kill large, fuck two birds I kill a whole herd with a stone.
Im verbally prone to rock the show and damage and ego,
To mock my stop and go flow you need three throats.
I hunt with the wolves and sleep with the sheep with wool tufts
Leave the desolate doomed, use the crescent moon to do pullups.
Shift the earths axis half a fraction back to its lateral address
Watch the terrain change from brain waves of masterful tactics.
Ill release the rage to haunt ya, im talkin bout slay you proper
So we can either trade and borrow or you can be slain in sorrow,
You may not make tomorrow, you claimin its word to my mother?
You overkill these lines but I was first to be fly, right brother.

Hook
Ill bring the same presence in the future like a re-wrapped gift - Copywrite
I should run a marathon backwards, jus to see what second place look like – Royce
Sit down beside her like a Spider ~ And since im convinced im an Insomniac – Eminem

Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha HA HA!

Spyder: whats so funny…
Insomniac: …youll see

[Mr.DGAF]

Man, this is pretty awesome. I really like this. Some good clever lines, I know the board games lines are played out a bit, but I like the spin you put on it. And the reign/poor line was pretty well constructed. Also, I like the sampled chorus, was hearing the different voices say their respective lines while reading it and it was pretty cool.

But what else can I say, the rhyming pretty awesome, the flow was pretty awesome, and the concept is pretty awesome. Really like this one man.

Mind feeding my latest work whenever you can?

[Man1x]

Nothing bad to say, needs to recorded tbh, favorite bar:

"Shift the earths axis half a fraction back to its lateral address
Watch the terrain change from brain waves of masterful tactics."

[JamaicanPattlez]

I honestly don't really know what to criticize you about except for how your rhyme scheme is unique and I wasn't able to flow in the beginning. That doesn't mean it was bad, that probably means I need more practice haha. I especially like the Sarah Palin reference, amazingly done, great job.

[SG.]

I honestly don't really know what to criticize you about except for how your rhyme scheme is unique and I wasn't able to flow in the beginning. That doesn't mean it was bad, that probably means I need more practice haha. I especially like the Sarah Palin reference, amazingly done, great job.

Nothing bad to say, needs to recorded tbh, favorite bar:

"Shift the earths axis half a fraction back to its lateral address
Watch the terrain change from brain waves of masterful tactics."

Man, this is pretty awesome. I really like this. Some good clever lines, I know the board games lines are played out a bit, but I like the spin you put on it. And the reign/poor line was pretty well constructed. Also, I like the sampled chorus, was hearing the different voices say their respective lines while reading it and it was pretty cool.

But what else can I say, the rhyming pretty awesome, the flow was pretty awesome, and the concept is pretty awesome. Really like this one man.

Mind feeding my latest work whenever you can?

Pretty much these. Rhyming awesome, flow awesome, concept awesome, Spyder awesome. Well done.

Find feeding my piece? viewtopic.php?f=24&t=128708

[Sam.]

I must admit you do have a consistent way of putting the concept forward.I appreciate how you put the climax at the start of the bar,that's a tough thing to do.Guess that's needed for creative writing right ?The 1st verse was simple as comapred to the standards set by your own work.Multis were on On-Point.Only things is even though this line was creative but is used too much.

Wallow over ya cash flow, we all know when I reign you poor!

Nice Idea on the Hook front.Props for that.

The second verse is Pure Rhyme Asylum shit ,full of quotables.I could imagine Plasma rapping this tbh.Flawless verse.


Overall a dope drop and shot's fired I see.

[Man1x]

Yo, Spyder can you give me some advice on making punchlines?

[Spyder]

thanks for the feed guys

when i started this it started as a bar, then i was like ima go off and make sure the rhymes are there.
no real topic. then a topic developed and i ran with a light yet lyrical piece

ill try to feed all those that asked.

and Man1x pm me, ill trade you something

[Sam.]

Was the last verse inspired by Rhyme Asylum ?

#Just Asking.

[Spyder]

no man

i know theyre British cause i checked one song once, i cant listen to UK rap honestly

if that verse is similar in style its mear coincidence but id like to at least peep the song it reminded you of cause if theyre similar to that gotta be dope

[Sam.]

That verse had a touch of Horror core which is their specialty so I can't possibly name a particular song but yeah chk these out.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BO0X1NPfBY

www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4X0mIa7DPI

Y'll get the Idea as to what I am saying man.

[Spyder]

horror core is like killin people/ dark ghost like "horror" pieces

but anyways thanks for the praise

[Sam.]

They not only rap about killing people but they also touch on the things that you said in the last verse.