In My Crying Whiny Voice (JK) no title

[Ka0t1c]

Link of feed: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=129972

i hate being bored so i need to record before it's too late
and i leave with no reward for ignorin my fate
restore me, update my vocal cords
or am i bait towards the warped world
sealin my date to meet the stars
well if only i had a cape
cuz my story's turned from great to horror
and i can't wait anymore
my mindstate has transformed quite frank
point blank, my heart i am pourin
wipe my soul clean slate, bring your storm
i won't escape the order you've made
help me perform with your aid cuz i wanna feel reborn
i don't need the horns just to think that i'm great
but it's hard to wait when you are fallin apart
and since now i'm awake, calm down my heart which does ache
from all the scars, bumps and scrapes
cuz i oughtta reshape my part to create something without the duct tape

[mdemaz]

Ehh...Not really feeling it..Then again it depends on what beat you would rap over.

I strangely like it, even though there is a lot of things wrong.
Bars are too short and not even, not enough punches or multies, but it's optional for that extra shit really.

Keep swagging.

Get at me:
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=130303

[Ka0t1c]

it's packed with multies, you just don't see the pattern, that's cool tho

also, it's enough bars for a verse

[mdemaz]

No doubt, no doubt..
I'm not really familiar with this sorta structure though, but it's all good..

[Ka0t1c]

yeah, i agree, not a lot of ppl can follow it, i used to write with quotations ("") to emphasize the rhymes since color coding looks ugly, however if u can follow the main rhyme word which is "hate", emphasize those similar sounding words and also "bored" that should help.

also i used an accent for world, stars, horror..

[mdemaz]

yeah, i agree, not a lot of ppl can follow it, i used to write with quotations ("") to emphasize the rhymes since color coding looks ugly, however if u can follow the main rhyme word which is "hate", emphasize those similar sounding words and also "bored" that should help.

also i used an accent for world, stars, horror..

That explains ALOT.

[Sam.]

It was really hard for me get the Rhymes in this.I tried with some accent that I'm comfortable with ,then it did work to an certain extent,even then it was hard.

but it's hard to wait when you are fallin apart
and since now i'm awake, calm down my heart which does ache

I'm talking about this part basically.

Over all I could flow properly with the things that you mentioned in the posts above ,just in places it went off.The content seemed pretty random but put together well.

[Ka0t1c]

It was really hard for me get the Rhymes in this.I tried with some accent that I'm comfortable with ,then it did work to an certain extent,even then it was hard.

but it's hard to wait when you are fallin apart
and since now i'm awake, calm down my heart which does ache

I'm talking about this part basically.

Over all I could flow properly with the things that you mentioned in the posts above ,just in places it went off.The content seemed pretty random but put together well.

what i mean is i'm patient, but going crazy, hurtin inside since i realise the lies
now i'm mad, so my heart is angry in pain

[Sam.]

It was really hard for me get the Rhymes in this.I tried with some accent that I'm comfortable with ,then it did work to an certain extent,even then it was hard.

but it's hard to wait when you are fallin apart
and since now i'm awake, calm down my heart which does ache

I'm talking about this part basically.

Over all I could flow properly with the things that you mentioned in the posts above ,just in places it went off.The content seemed pretty random but put together well.

what i mean is i'm patient, but going crazy, hurtin inside since i realise the lies
now i'm mad, so my heart is angry in pain

Yeah ! I got it man .

[Words]

The structure felt a little awkward to me, but I liked all the multies you were able to put in there. It made it flow a little better even though I couldn't quite pick up on the structure. Good stuff