Trimss - Requiem Of The Night (16 bars)

[Trimss]

HulkShare Link
Feedback Link


I think this is better than the shit i've done before, you'll tell me. I accept any criticism, since I think it'll help me to progress (and i think it did)

[3 a.m] Clock sounds

I wake up by the sound of a symphony,
I'm fed up but it's loud and it's into me
So I get out, fuck my mouth sings a melody
When did I turn mad, I'm bowed down to this sin of me
My hand looks for a pen as I move around silently,
I shook again because this is not a way to be
I lost my mind but i'm blessed so i stay lonely
Must I rhyme okay I bust a rhyme and cuss on time , my soul is blessed
There's a ghost in my body and it's making me do a mess
I could roast anybody when i'm shaking through my pens
I didn't chose anything, it's soakin' through my veins
I didn't pick a noose, I didn't spit on you
It's just that dissin' is appreciated by me and you
So hide the truth, mind the noose, I lied to you
guided to side with you i fight with you
My pride is chewed, strikin' you while i'm vibin' through

[Ka0t1c]

i didn't like how you rapped it, also it sounded basic and repetitive qualities, i think you can improve that, at least it was listenable.

[Spyder]

this was virtually the same as the last track i heard from you man

your accent makes you a little hard to understand, i read the lyrics when you posted in CW and i read the lyrics along with the song so i know what you said, i think if i hadnt i wouldnt have gotten all of it though.

your very rushed, like you had a hell of a time keeping on beat specifically I shook again because this is not a way to be that line, on alot of them you would do the first half slow, then double time(poorly) the second half and made it sounded sloppy.
your delivery is ok but it sounds a little drawn out and bland. try to add a more sarcastic tone to your voice. people have told me i have that to much and sounds like early Em, but where you have such a deep accent and blandish voice, i dont think it would hurt.

so flow is a no go for me and delivery is eh.
lyrics arent your best but theyre not bad so, beat choice is nice. a little on the boring side but thats the least important so

work on flow most of all. dont do one take of a track, re-record if you dont get it how you want it the first time, add overlays and adlibs to give your vocals a little extra

[Solace]

Your up coming verse is gonna be better than this. I think your delivery is fine for the moment being, you should put effort into focusing on the flow and enunciation. You have an accent, obviously, and you're rapping in English showing it to people that speak English. You need to make every word you say clear. Don't miss out on a sound, don't be sloppy in that sense. Make sure to the ear it's easy to understand without the lyrics. Mixing was alright. The screaming adlib was cool, fit well.

Must I rhyme okay I bust a rhyme and cuss on time , my soul is blessed

Yeah that really fucked things up lol. You have to stop trying to be complex with a flow when you struggle doing a simpler flow. This is scientifically known as the Atone Effect.

But yeah, keep working on it.

[Trimss]

Your up coming verse is gonna be better than this. . You have an accent, obviously, and you're rapping in English showing it to people that speak English. You need to make every word you say clear. Don't miss out on a sound, don't be sloppy in that sense. Make sure to the ear it's easy to understand without the lyrics.

Yeah, I think you're right. Like Spyder said, I should do it in more than one take but I'm not really familiar with Cool Edit Pro yet, but that'll come lol.

@Bolded part, yeah I think that too lol.

Yeah that really fucked things up lol. You have to stop trying to be complex with a flow when you struggle doing a simpler flow. This is scientifically known as the Atone Effect.

But yeah, keep working on it.

Lol, yeah. I also should start counting the syllables. But the thing is, When I write something, I correct some things right at the moment when the text is done but like super fast. I should take more time to do it..

I took all these advices and I will definitely post a better 16, next time i'll do it.

@Spyder, Thank you for taking your time to feed it, i'll return the feed soon. you're also right about how I rush some lines.
Well I don't really wanna add a sarcastic tone to my voice, but that's a different subject lmao. I'd rather be all serious and shit. But I could try it once.

[mdemaz]

So yeah, need to ride the beat a little bit better man..
Try some reverb' in the vocals too, it helps get rid of the dryness that your condenser brings out.
This shit is hard for you because of your accent, but you'll get used to it.