Written on my Tombstone

[Eedee]

LoF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=143055&p=1851553#p1851553

[Verse]
I tend to lose my balance and hit the ground with a smack,
Been challenged to stop traffic by laying down on my back.
If I do it I'm crazy, if I don't, I'm a puss,
So where the fuck do I look now? Go and open a book?
How 'bout the Bible? But I lost mine years ago,
Kinda like my girlfriend, crying too many tears to go.
I hear the cheering folk, and they're telling me to stop it,
I near the jeering zone when I fear my CD flopping
Will rip my fucking heart out, I don't think I'm good enough,
If this game was horny for me, I fear it wouldn't fuck
me at all, damn, am I getting paranoid?
Move over shadow, coming at you to share the void.
I'm not gonna lie, I think I'm falling in love again,
I'm getting a Runner's High and the Earth feels like it doesn't spin.
Too bad it's with the same chick who broke up with me twice,
She seduced me with her eyes and never spoke up with the lies,
But I never did hear it, so I'll let the lyrics speak for me,
I chose to live in this Hell, and this shit is a real story.
But I ain't looking for sympathy, I just want ya'll to know,
That if I die because of this bitch... this is Eedee calling home...

[Mr.DGAF]

This is pretty damn good man. I especially liked the first two bars the most, those were nice with the flow but most importantly, I like what was said. You really stuck to the topic well and wrapped it up nicely at the end without really becoming repetitive or anything, which is pretty impressive. The rhyming is pretty good as well, you wrack up a few full line rhymes which is always nice. And you actually don't sacrifice what you're trying to say when doing so. Overall, this is pretty good. The only real thing I didn't like was the line splitting, it just kind of throws me off a bit.

But I've got to say, you did a nice job on this one.

[Ka0t1c]

nice writing and story telling!!!! good read

[ilovebender.com]

nice song

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Great verse.. If I had to critisize it at all I would like to see more multis but thats pretty hard and you did a really good job. Nice man.