Eedee - "Strong" (feat P.Millz & Andrea Broz)

[Eedee]

"Strong" (feat P.Millz & Andrea Broz) (Produced by Thomas Swanson)

LoF: viewtopic.php?f=38&t=142578&p=1851866#p1851866

Streaming: http://www.reverbnation.com/eedee (Middle of screen, under "songs")
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Eedee/270711676304398 ("like" this page if you want! )

Hope you all enjoy! Worked on my delivery/flow with this one after taking advice from previous tracks I posted in here. Here's what I got!

LYRICS:

[Chorus: P.Millz & Andrea Broz]

[Verse 1: Eedee]
Let me take you by the hand
As I guide you through the storm,
You bet we make you sigh by my rhymes,
include the zone,
that we play when we're on the defensive.
Preventative measures are
definitive treasures
Are all part of the game,
it's life of primitive pleasures.
Riding the sky high, like infinitive feathers.
Flyin', I think I found solace in a refuge called rap,
Death, I mauled that, you bet I'ma ball back
cuz I dropped the dribble, stopped a little short,
I got a little bored, so I rapped a little more.
Lyricism is a sport, you hear it, isn't warped?
It opened a door for me to score, no more ado just hit record.
Flip the score like 69 points to 96,
No choice to highly fix, the lowlife as he spits,
Shit, those rhymes are immense, not so much my proposal
My pen spits a hot flow as the Cosmos at my disposal.

[Verse 2: Eedee]
Not as easy as it seems writing verses to use,
Staring at a blank page that's fuckin' cursin' at you!
I thought I was strong, but then this girl happened,
I stopped at the wrong turn of my world, that's when,
She left me and I went bat shit, craziness swirled back then,
The captain went down with his ship, she hurled javelins,
Slicing through, I fight and lose, fire dies, deny the truth,
I fly the coop from tightened noose,
kind of like my right to choose.
Ice the booth, cry and boo, hoo then you pry in two,
Trying to, binding you, sure life isn't nice to you,
I'm smiling too, look up, the sky is the lightest blue,
Flightless move up in the sky, spit and cleave the mic in two,
Hit and leave like business, see? Too bad she was dicing you.
Stuck up in a vacuum like Dyson, true, I'm buying poop,
Wasting my time here, so just look at the blinding truth.
I'm finding new ways without strength, hey, but I'm sliding through.

[Verse 3: Eedee]
Jeez, I'm weak, my body as atrophied,
Seek a shoddy shelter, the only home that you see,
I'm back from the, dead, a hellish catch release,
There's no catching me, attack 'em, B, smack 'em, see?
Fired up, so I aim long when I place bombs,
Hired cuts from the Devil, I gotta play calm,
He wants me badly, but sadly, I face palm,
Stops me at the precipice, I never miss, I stay strong.
The way's gone wrong, the path has been grown over,
Kiss my fucking ass, Death, feel my pen's cold shoulder?
It's over is it not? Of course I spit it hot,
I melt a frigid spot, you don't wanna be pissing off,
The fire inside my eyes cries a smouldering song,
The weight that has been shifted on my shoulders is wrong.
Growing older as dawn comes, the boulder is gone,
The trapping bond is broken, man I'm soldiering on.

[Ticalrecords]

I'm not sure what you mean by infinitive feathers, and i didn't like the "buying poop" line, it stuck out in a really bad way but other than that the lyrics were pretty good. your delivery has gotten alot better but still needs work. i think i could hear your punch ins so you might wanna look at that. the mixing was great. i liked the hook alot and the beat was dope.

would you mind returning the favor? viewtopic.php?f=38&t=143165

[Eedee]

I'm not sure what you mean by infinitive feathers, and i didn't like the "buying poop" line, it stuck out in a really bad way but other than that the lyrics were pretty good. your delivery has gotten alot better but still needs work. i think i could hear your punch ins so you might wanna look at that. the mixing was great. i liked the hook alot and the beat was dope.

would you mind returning the favor? viewtopic.php?f=38&t=143165

Thanks for the feed! What I meant by "infinitive feathers" was the previous and following words/phrases, where I said "riding the sky high" and "flying". As in, I feel like I'm flying like I had infinitive feathers. And the "buying poop" line, went with the rhyme scheme as well as the following "Wasting my time here". I mean, buying poop is wasting your time haha. Anyway, thanks for the feed and I'm glad I'm progressing - got a long ways to go, no doubt.

And yeah, will do right now with your track.

[Eedee]

Yeah I see what you're saying about the "buying poop" line and the lazy slow flow... I've seen your writing on here, if there's anyone to take flow/lyric advice from it's you, so I'll heed your critique! I just got sent a new beat from my producer, so I'll try to speed up my flow without sacrificing what I want to say when I start writing to it, as well as the rhyme schemes. And as for the lazy sounding voice, I honestly don't know what to say to that - I put my all into recording this track. Maybe my voice isn't cut out for rapping? But I'll record multiple times, try which ones sound the best, etc. I know you don't record but any advice on the voice problem? Not enough emotion? I'm trying to word this whole reply the best I can without sounding like I'm on a high horse or something; I only want to get better and I appreciate you're feedback!

[Eedee]

^ Okay good, I didn't want to sound like some of the artists on here who just don't give a flying fuck about feedback and get all offended when it's offered, ya know?

And so would you suggest I spice up my flow with a faster delivery? I was just trying to hit the drums on each bar, and I could've put more syllables in that shit.

And of course I'll feed your writings! On this next song I write, I'm gonna try to perfect a flow throughout, with steady rhyme schemes and NOT sacrifice what I wanna say for the technical aspects. I get in the habit of trying to put so many multis in there, mainly because it sounds better than a one-syllable rhymes and sometimes I cram too much or too little. I'll definitely work on what you suggested. Once again, thanks for the feed and I promise to do better next track. I only started recording raps about 7 months ago, obviously still trying to get my sound worked out, but once I get the flow/delivery aspect down in this bitch, I'm gonna have so much fun haha. Not that it's not fun now, just I want to put out a jaw-dropping track. Let's see if the next one will do just that!

Thanks for the feed!

[Eedee]

Definitely. I've only really been doing slow-ish songs, haven't yet written a "fast" song, per se. Something like Fast Lane or Welcome 2 Hell is something I'd have trouble writing to - I'm not sure where to place all the rhymes and such. Aren't you supposed to keep your rhymes on one bar? One bar in a fast song would be over in like "This is one bar for this fast song". Such little room to say what I want and rhyme the next... :\ Any advice on writing for faster beats?